Assalamualaikum,
I do not have so much to say but a simple question by a girl, I know firsta page from her diary.
" I was a lively ( Hanstee khailtee nachti gaatee) girl of a middle class family. After my B.A due to low educated boys in family my mum told me to stay home you are enough colified to be a sensible housewife or even a low paid working women. so stay home and wait for some nice person to marry you RISHTA I wanted to study but thought mum is right I don’t see any many cousins who are docs or engi…etc everyone was like Inter, BA or less then that even:( but none of B.As or under B.As care to propose me Don’t know why:) waisting many years I came to my studies again did one masters did job and othe masters and kept going years passes and passed i became a little religious and start wearing hijab for some years that become another unseen hurdle in my marriage “I am ordinary looking” first i used to wear hijab when i go out or so and now i am one step further, I wear it all the time in mehndies and parties as well. my family is sick of me they want to get rid of me or they want to get rid of the guilt that they couldn’t help me to find a mate. my Hijab wearing is my fault for few years. I wonder i didn’t wear hijab for my 25 years of life there was no reasonable proposal for me. now for few years if i am wearing hijab how it could be the hurdle.?NOW Iam no more a Hanstee khailtee nachtee gaatee luddian daaltee 20 tyo 27 years old I am a serious looking more ordinary looking and borred person. what should i do should I again start acting like a 22 years old girl JUST BECAUSE MY FAMILY WANTS ME TO GET MARRIED? Should i stop wearing hijab? Should I start wearing all kinds of clothes you ng girls like to wear nowadays like sleaveless tight shirts and all sexy ones? should i become again a cake pastry thing by wearing a lot of make up that suits in specific age ?
I want to get married too but not on the cost of all my life style. and I am sure male in society like Pakistan, India and even whole world have double standards. They talk about inner beauty and look for OUTER. I am not Ugly at all. but i am not pretty as well. So? should I try to look pretty by showing skin and by forgetting all what i believe in?
This girl sounds up set iIwish I would have seen her and met her…anyways Should she leave things she mentioned just because her family wants her to get married and look attractive to the other gender?
Serious replies please so i can email her this post
Thanks
Wax
hey wax...
this girl here is one of the many girs of our society who lose their charm n charisma if they dont find there mate in the rite age...
but if she is getting religous..she should have faith in allah..that everything happening has a purpose. jo bhi hota hai achay ke liye hota hai.
secondly...couples are made in heaven..when its the rite time, in the books of fate the perfect guy for her will come...if (god forbid) it doesn't then she has to live with it without losing her mind.personality or religion!
she did a good thing by completeing her masters and for the time being should go for a good respectable job.
lastly...she should not waver at the thinking of her family that a rashtaa will not come if she wears a hijab..physical attractions last for 2 yrs at most.. but a guy who goes for her nature and inner beauty..seerat..is the guy for her!
best of luck for her,
dont lose hope!
Thanks monasha, But the thing is.. now she is having a pressure on her like her younger sisters are not getting married because of her this attitude. Anyways thanks for the encouragement.
I think she should not change her life style. Sadly this is a story that can be related to many families. Hajab or no-hijab, it can happen anywhere. There is no gurantee that once she stops wearing hijab, she will find her mate. We can all make efforts but finality rests with God and everything has a time for it. She should not give up hope and should try meeting more people. May be go to ISNA meetings etc.
She should also realize that most male / females are qabool-suraat. There is a low percentage that is really pretty so don't feel bad about it. One not only needs a mate but piece of mind too. So just pray for the best and do her best.
Hope things will ease out soon.
she never says it that she is not getting rishta because of it but some people arround her say so :( like some rishta massi and 2, or three guys even said shamelessly that they don't want Hijabi girl they want their wives visible for others not for themselves only :( sighs Thanks for the replies Guys and Gals
BUT Is there any compromises in "Deen " Faisal? please be more clear I am sorry i didn't get you .
Correct me if I am wrong...she is an educated 27 yr old average looking girl who wears hijab and is sitting home waiting for this phase to be over.. right?
I've a few questions
1) Why did she do her masters degree? Is she career minded or she did it cuz she had nothing better to do?
2) How is hijab helping her in her new life style? Are u sure its a religious issue and not a psychological one?
3) What effort is she making to take charge of her life? If shadi is so important for her then what is she doing to get married?
4) Whats are mams and paps doin? Have they given up on finding rishtas and given her more freedom? If so then why has the realization come so late?
For the "girl"
Please spare me the "I'm-a-bechari" routine. Its how you play your cards...if you are an average looking girl and u want to get married then face the reality....be smart about your future...don't sit there and wait for thins to happen..it will help you in the long run.
she is more then 30 now and to be honest there was nothing else to do so she did her Masters and weel regarding hijab she says it is religios to her. she is not doing and cannot do anything to take charge of her life since in Pakistani middle class family there is no trend of girls taking charge of their lives. Mum Dad lolz for get about them they are shareef safaid posh shermeelay people as far as I know. Baitioon ke maan baap :( they have given the permission and freedom when she already is late goya
per kaat ker kehtay hain ke ur jao qafas se.....
she is not pretending to be bechari at all .
it is good to see that even in the current times, people have courage to follow Islam, and r keen to stick to it, unlike even many here who just think its "narrow-mindeness"....
let her keep faith in Allah, He is the planner of all things and knows best what is good for His creations....
there r definitely good ppl in this world who will like her for these things and wud be keen to marry her....
just let her keep her spirits high and stay firm in Allah's will....
if she takes off her veil and as before, fails to find any mate, what will she gain????
this world already has nothing for a Muslim but what he can collect for the hereafter....
so let her not lose what she has collected for her future (not the near-future but the never-ending life that awaits all of us)....
I still see no reason to quit Hijab...after all its her choice.. infact all this 'Rishta' thingy being hurdle cos of Hijab is all crap.. starting from very begining... How can u even kno about a person just by lookin at em or just by wut they wear and stuff... its her personal decision how she presents herself to the world... cos thats wut she really is n is comfrtable with it .. if someone doesnt accept her the way she is...she is probably way better off without him.
Hmmmmm...this is the kind situation most of girls come across.......i think it is insecurity within one......the girl should not leave the hijab just coz to impress someone else.....if she feels poise and secure in it she has all the right in world to do so.....and as far as the rishtas are concerend......its what is written in her destiny.....Inshallah one will come across and she will be one of the luckiest girls.....Rishtas that are accepted in hurry and rush do end up in the wrong side....
apart form that i agree with most of the guppies here.....
I was in my college’s books store and a Black lady from somewhere in the back commented on an hijaban who was purchasing her books saying “What do they think…they wear hijaab and think they are submitted to God?!”
I guess her inner self is what counts…she doesn’t neccesarily have to cover her whole body to SHOW that she’s a good Muslim…Neither Quran nor Mohammed(SAW) told women to cover their faces and their hands then why should she?
Sad enough, but this is a very common and widespread problem amongst Pakistanis in the country as well as in the west.
Regarding the question, whether she should leave the hijaab to get proposals: A DEFINITE NO!
Even if she'd get a rishtaa then, what would she gain from it? She could please her family, but would loose her own identity, her own beliefs. And btw, the guy who just marries her without hijaab, wouldn't be someone she could be together with happily.
Secondly, as mentioned by many others here: Couples are made in heaven! Now that she is really inclined towards religion, this should be something, that she should know.
I personally think, that she is not really concerned about it as much, as her family is. To her, her islamic lifestyle is more important, than the fact whether she gets married or not. And frankly speaking: SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT IN DOING SO!
I hear many saying do this do that no one says I will hold your hand lady for good and provide you the best that a man can. people are telling oh you are doing good for your after life by keeping the faith and if God has someone in your fate it will come what about the women who get raped do God had them happening to those innocent girls as well? this mate shate thingy is all bull its all up to you how much willing youare to do a certain thing. When there is a will there is a way.
if a wolf can Chirp for goodness sake anything can happen. ;)
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