aik insaan k so roop

Lifestyle Relationships
1

how do you judge a person when you actually need to?

this is the most difficult thing in the world

i know of a person who, is now probably in his mid forties, last i met him was ages ago when i was a kid but do have recollexions of him. he is actually friends of some elders in my family. he’s the best example of ‘aik insaan k so roop’ thats why i am mentioning him…

he is a Pakistani male, i believe originally from Lahore, and each time i think about him, mere Rongtay kharay ho jatay haen Khof se, ke what IF, what iF i encounter someone like him, will i be able to judge them correctly?

i still have not figured him out if he’s good or bad. but wait. no one is good or bad right? we’re all shades of grey? but aren’t some of us going to heaven and some going to hell? doesnt that mean there r good and bad people?

i mean, this uncle: i’ll tell u about him.

some bad things first. coz i want the good things to come later. coz i want the overall impression abt him to be nice.

  • when a close male relative of ours was very ill, this uncle really helped him a lot
  • this uncle was always a gracious host
  • this uncle was always jolly and polite in conversation and made everyone laugh
  • this uncle was a very well learned person who applied his professional knowledge practically to help his friends

now his good actions could have had sinister motives, but i dont know, i did see him doing these good actions is all i can say

then i think of his bad actions:

  • he used to drink a lot and had several wives one after the other. his last wife as we know who was his last, as rumor had it…he murdered her. everyone was saying that. Allah o Alim. maybe i shudnt believe it but many many ppl believe its true that he did.

what messed him up was that when he was very young, he was a brilliant student. a political leader came to his college and said something bad. he could not tolerate it and stood up and said something against it. then ISI or some agency in pak took him in custody and tortured him and many ppl believe that permanently did brain damage to him psychologically. tho if u met him u’d think he’s normal.

then case # 2. there was another uncle i know of. his own relatives have said that he had many wives in many different countries, he had travelled a lot. he was an alcoholic and when he got drunk he used to swear at the neighbors whom he didnt like and the watchmen in the locality. yet when he was normal, he would sit with them and he would always give away his money. u meet him, and his ikhlaaq and his generosity were amazing. he was an amazing cook and always gave little kids nice things to eat and he always gave lots of eidi to kids. and another thing is, he was always respectful towards elders and affectionate towards children. he was a diehard patriot and his values about many things were in the right place. he was from a rural background and he loved his homeland. he died a sad death. alone. not one of his wives or kids were with him. but many of his neighbors and friends were sad.

then case # 3. this uncle who was the kindest person as in very polite and nice. yet, he was involved with someone outside his marriage and his wife did not know about it.

hmmmmm…

plz dont ask me why i only have male examples. im trying to think of a female like this but for some reason i dont really have the example of a milti-aspect female. except myself :frowning: like some ppl think i’m nice and then the stuff i do, i cant even begin to write it here, its just…not good…not something i’m proud of…im not saying it to be humble or to act like a martyr…but its true that…i’ve got lots of skeletons in my cupboard… :bummer: hmmm :frowning:

hmmm…

sigh…i know…grim topic…sorry :confused: its friday night and its been a weird day and now im here to spread the gloominess…how selfish of me… :bummer: and im typing away and im still doing it … i dono…khayr…sigh

2

what someone does in his private life is his own matter...

Like u said, they were helpful, nice n generous.... yaar if someone drinks, that doesnt make him a bad person.. OK its considered bad in Islam, so u can say that maybe hes got some weakesses, but he aint a bad person.

if a person is nice and also drinks, doesnt really mean he has two roops... its just that hes a guy whos got a couple of weaknesses, like everyone else,, no ones perfect.

Now being an Imaam at a mosque, and then being seen at a local brothel, thats aik insaan kay do roop.

Now if someone has weaknesses, and he hides them, thats good. If i have some bad habits, i,d want to correct em, and would prefer if no one knew about them.. doesnt mean i have so roop.

I dont know...

khair , anyways,,, sooo what bad things have u done?? missed a lecture again? :D

3

very well said...Paa Kaka

Aik insaan ke do roop...is someone, who acts good in front of you, and behind you he acts completely different. Kaka gave a good example abt the Imam.

Him drinking and having multiple wives is his own private matter. I doubt him being a threat to anyone else, cause of that.

As far as him being a murderer..hmm. Its still not prooved, so u cant exactly call him a murderer. People say all types of stuff...does'nt mean everythings true.

4

thanks guys for ur valuable input

hmmm…when i said aik insaan k so roop…i dint mean to say HYPOCRITE who’s deliberately acting to be someone else n hiding his bad qualities

i meant to say k one person might have one quality that seems so good and another that seems so bad so how do u judge their character?..and how can u predict what they might or might not do in the future? does that make sense? :confused:

drinking and having multiple wives is his pvt matter but lets say if u had to choose a husband for a female wont u look at these things to choose a husband for her?

SHARAABI - u r right abt the murder thing, i dont wana believe its true either

KAKA - to ans ur qn, as u said, burai chupa k rakhni chahiyay right, i dont think i shud say my bad things here in a public forum but hmm i was jus saying i do do a lot of bad things which im not proud of and am tryna change…inshallah

but then is the imam whos got two faces, who knows whats in his heart n why he hides it from the world what his personal life is? maybe jus for the reason that he wants to hide his faults? if he lies n says he does not drink thats a diff matter but doesnt mean he shud tell the world he drinks either right?

thanks again for repliez guyz :k:

5

^ Hey Sharaabi and Kaka, I hope you guys aren’t sticking up for your own kind (men!) here…

Vaise mere khayal se if a person has nothing to hide then whether it is drinking or women on the side, they should come clean with what the reality is instead of keeping “do roop” or the Jekyl/Hyde syndrome as I like to call it. I’m sure you’ve read my thread about a man I recently got to know very briefly. Talk about an ideal example of do roop!!! He is 34, a man not only with a pretty wife and little kids but living under the same roof as simple parents and siblings as well. And here he was romancing me to believe that he was single and on the lookout for a possible spouse! I knew he drank since he had mentioned that a few times so I appreciated the truth but the much bigger truth (being married) was always very skillfully concealed with elaborate lies. Now, if he was honest right off the bat saying for example that…look, I am married, blah blah blah…and then say I decided to carry on a relationship with him knowing of his marital status full well, that is one thing but being conniving and so evil about his shaadi-shuda status was definitely very disgusting and extremely lowly.

I don’t doubt that these people are nice, kind, or generous but I do think that they are somewhere in their minds deeply troubled to be leading Jekyl/Hyde lives. In any event, their actions are pretty pathetic no matter how you look at them.

May Allah mian show them the light :flower2:

6

sounds like the paindoo parallel of the alien abduction stories. :hehe:

i like Pakora’s uncle better still. but then i like Pakora’s non judgemental attitude better too.

irem bibi, you need better means of entertainment. all your threads, no matter how hilarious they are to others like me, show a very unhealthy gossipy streak.

:nono:

7

sweetpie...hmm...this is a confusin issue i reckon COZ

lets say person X does a bad deed

he's not sposed to tell people he did that bad deed coz theres a concept in Islam that if Allah swt has put a pardah on ur sins then why u wana take off that pardah...unless he feels that he needs to confess to someone abt something or so on he doesnt NEED to tell that bad thing he did

if u ask him whether he does that particular deed..he shudnt lie tho..

but for u to assume that he doesnt just coz he dint tell u, thats not right either, i think we make this mistake a lot abt others [males and females] and then we get hurt/ blame them if we find out n then we think why dint they tell us.

khayr, just some thoughts, dono if they aply to ur situation tho

8

^ Irem, in my situation, I SPECIFICALLY mentioned even before meeting him that I was not going to waste anyone's time nor have mine wasted and that I only was interested if there was a prospect of considering each other for marriage. We'd even joke in a cute way about kids and how divorce isn't a good thing, etc. The impression Irem, if you were in my shoes, for the time I knew him (2 months) was of him being thoroughly single/available and looking. You would never have thought twice of him being married. Heck!!! The worst was, when I confronted this SOB with the truth via phone (which happened as soon as I found out the info. through a friend) he called me all sorts of names and then hung up the phone on me. This was a month back and my last conversation with him (thank God!). How bizzare na?

9

lol funny, i was thinking of Pakora’s uncle too when writing this post. weird

khair, i dint mean to gossip

and if u do find them hilarious, im glad to provide some laughter, its considered a good deed to make others laugh :halo:

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
^ Irem, in my situation, I SPECIFICALLY mentioned even before meeting him that I was not going to waste anyone's time nor have mine wasted and that I only was interested if there was a prospect of considering each other for marriage. We'd even joke in a cute way about kids and how divorce isn't a good thing, etc. The impression Irem, if you were in my shoes, for the time I knew him (2 months) was of him being thoroughly single/available and looking. You would never have thought twice of him being married. Heck!!! The worst was, when I confronted this SOB with the truth via phone (which happened as soon as I found out the info. through a friend) he called me all sorts of names and then hung up the phone on me. This was a month back and my last conversation with him (thank God!). How bizzare na?
[/QUOTE]

:(

that sucks..

sigh...

i dono what to say yaar...it must feel so bad to go thru this experience...lekin may Allah swt bless u with good things in the future that make u not think abt this bitter experience at all

11

^ Thanks Irem :flower1: Yeah the way I look at it, it was definitely a learning experience and one that went to show how deeply miserable some people can be! I’m also glad that I found out the truth pretty soon before I would’ve gotten my feelings involved fully into this shmuck. I thank God for leading me to the truth about this guy sooner rather than later. It’s all good, babes.

:slight_smile:

12

Sweeti ji. I hope you are not talking about me. Everyone and their aunties know that I am married and I haven not been available since my wife snatched me from all other goris. What a robber.

13

Madhanee, how about goras like myself. You think you're safe?

14

She dont mind you. I am all yours (and a lil bit of Matsui's).

15

sweetpie kewl :)

16

Mads uncle, aap ki baat kab ho rahi hai? :p Hehehe.

17

I think he's dead? If he is: One should always mention the good things what the deceased has done, and cover up his bad habits/deeds.

18

well, i,m not sticking up for my own types sweetpie... but the thing is, i have loads of friends who drink/used to drink,,, or had other "burayees" in em.. but isnt that just their personal life?? If they get married, are still drinking and screwing around behind their wife's back(without her knowing about these habits, and him leading her to believe hes all nice n just going to a mate's place)... thats wrong.

the example sweetpie gave, is a classic do roop example... but if ur calling someone whos a very nice person in general a do roop ka aadmi just cos he likes a couple of beers with friends or alone in his own privacy without being a hassle to anyone... why are u giving him such a bad name? Yes according to Islam its a bad habit, very bad habit... but isnt that between him and Allah? I mean if hes perfectly fine in front of u, treats u well... helps u out wenever help is needed, Hes a great guy in my books... no ones perfect, i,m not gona trash him and call him a two faced prick or a do roop wala banda just cos he consumes alcohol...
what do u know? maybe he wants to quit, asks forgiveness and his making an effort to get rid of the habit... u,d still call him two faced?

another do roop example is someone who appears to be ur best friend and wen ur gone hes spreading gossip and talking bad about u whether its true or not.

do/so roop has a negative air to it... and its used when someone lies to u like being married or having a girl friend and still tries to score, telling u hes single n looking to marry and loves u n blah blah.

OR

a molvi who preaches everyone about not drinking n committing adultry and then goes out at night n does exactly that... i.e lives two different lives... and is a hypocrite.

19

I dont think you should ever judge a person- and people can never be summed up in black or white. A guy who drinks or a guy who cheats on his wife isnt necessarily evil- those are basically his faults.

Personally I think you should see them based on how they treat you.And usually how they treat you is based on what kind of people they are.I have friends who are non Muslims and they have been much nicer, than some who are Muslims. There are all kinds of people- but I really dont see any point in judging them.

(Kaka----btw drinking isnt just a bad habit- its haraam.)

20

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Shikra: *
I think he's dead? If he is: One should always mention the good things what the deceased has done, and cover up his bad habits/deeds.
[/QUOTE]

shikra definitely no doubt abt it

i would never say anything negative abt him to someone who actually knew him, but this is on a public board for discussion sake and ppl dont know who im talking abt here. in fact ive omitted certain parts of his description which would make the description stronger but in case someone who knew him read the post theyd know who im talking abt assuming IF they ever read it. right now its a post where that person could be anyone. and same for the other characters ive described.

:-)

MQ sometimes u do need to make crucial decisions abt ppl and then u need to judge them...for example [this was not the reason for this post] but if u had to evaluate an arranged rishta, wouldnt u have to judge the person?

KAB thx for the reply, i agree w/ u in some things...anyways, i explained above my reason for using that phrase aik insaan k so roop...it wasnt necessarily used to call a person bad...that was the whole point i guess k i couldnt decide if these ppl were good or bad...lekin its just the many dimensions of their personalities which were bewildering me...
and drinking is between u n Allah and so is other stuff like jua n even having illicit affairs outside marriage but if u r to be closely involved with someone who does all this then it also affects ur life inevitably so in a way then it doesnt remain their personal business...dontcha think?