Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Nope. I used to have guy friends in university. Didn't last very long.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Why is it a Paki problem? It's a classic debate the world over. Even Allah knows that they can't be just friends or there wouldn't be a restriction. Lol.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
I am always intrigued when people claim that there are theological Islamic restrictions on friendships between the sexes, as I have never seen evidence for this, but that is a separate debate altogether.
I would just like to clarify that I do not that this is specifically a pakistani "problem", nor do I consider myself to be right because I was raised in Britain.
i am merely having a debate because my experiences are so different to my mother's. for those who argue that there should be boundaries, please elaborate, what sorts of boundaries? And for those who feel that he dynamics of such friendships change after entering a relationship, how so and why do you feel it imperative to change them?
Thank you for the comments so far, they have been most interesting.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
I don't think its imperative to change them but there's no denying that they do change naturally. Marriage/relationships play a major role in our lives and soak up our time, energy, affections, etc. Your husband becomes a priority and the rest of your guy friends take a backseat. More importantly, lots of men don't like their wives having male friends. That's just how it is...don't know a single girl who is still just as chummy with her guy friends after marriage as she was during school.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
i am merely having a debate because my experiences are so different to my mother's. for those who argue that there should be boundaries, please elaborate, what sorts of boundaries? And for those who feel that he dynamics of such friendships change after entering a relationship, how so and why do you feel it imperative to change them?
Everyone else's experiences may differ but for me these are the boundaries between male/female friendships thta I have:
(Disclaimer--this is only with a few friends..I'm not like this with ALL my female friends, and those boundaires have nothing to do with gender)
I can text my female friends (some not all) while I'm out shopping and ask them to critique it.
I can spend the night in their home and not have to worry if my shirt is too low cut or whatever when I'm around em.
I can exchange funny/gross texts/emails/jokes with em (some not all).
I can hug them.
I can talk about being on my period while they talk about childbirth etc.
And it's not like that change is forced....it just happens naturally IF your priorities are right. When your priority is your spouse and later your kids....even your female friends take a backseat, at least for a while. It doesn't mean that the friendship is weak or false.....that's just how it is...
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Ok..mana ke..everyone's priority changes after marriage. This argument aside.
However..this is my boundary..as i do have female friends that i am close to.
-We hang around once in a month..in a group setting. Chat, catch up with our work..etc.
-Network.
-We do have intellectual conversation about society, culture and Life style. Play cards and games.
-And we have known each other for more than 5 years. Yes people..5 years.
-Most of them are married and some of them are still un-married and have boyfriends..hence..this whole group.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
^Admit it. They put a raakhi...I mean friendship bracelet ...on you, didn't they?
:p
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
:o
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
I am always intrigued when people claim that there are theological Islamic restrictions on friendships between the sexes, as I have never seen evidence for this, but that is a separate debate altogether.
I would just like to clarify that I do not that this is specifically a pakistani "problem", nor do I consider myself to be right because I was raised in Britain.
i am merely having a debate because my experiences are so different to my mother's. for those who argue that there should be boundaries, please elaborate, what sorts of boundaries? And for those who feel that he dynamics of such friendships change after entering a relationship, how so and why do you feel it imperative to change them?
Thank you for the comments so far, they have been most interesting.
If you're actually interested I would suggest reading "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass. I actually had the same views as you but I started doing some research on infidelity, and why it's so prevalent, a few years ago and came across this book. Bottom line: while there is a subsect of the population that are serial cheaters, a great number of infidelity cases actually occur between people who have no intention of cheating. Here's an excerpt from a review of the book off Amazon.
Refusing to pander to audiences expecting Dr. Phil-type quick fixes, Glass (who has appeared on Oprah herself) chooses "a new, fact-based, scientifically and therapeutically responsible approach" to a subject she contends is fraught with public and professional misconceptions. ** Drawing on research studies (her own and others') and clinical cases from her 25 years as a psychotherapist, she explores "the new crisis of infidelity" resulting from platonic relationships that become progressively intense. Personal and professional friendships between men and women have become so prevalent and accepted that, according to Glass, even "good" people in "good" marriages can be swept away in a riptide of emotional intimacy more potent than sheer sexual attraction**. Glass scrutinizes affairs and offers well-defined guidelines, including tips for determining how vulnerable individuals and relationships are to temptation, and prescriptions for keeping relationships "safe," repairing betrayal-induced damages and recovering from the trauma. Glass's credentials and commitment lend this book credence as a valuable resource; Staeheli's easy, personable style and the well-organized format make it user-friendly, too.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
No don't think they can. I always keep friends of the opposite gender at arms length, as I always remember the saying of the Prophet (saw) that if a man and a woman are alone in a room, shaytan makes the third - i.e. the temptation will always be there, no matter how small it may be.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Yes they can be friends.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Yes. But it's easier when the friendship is formed when boundaries are already established. For instance I became close friends with 3-4 guys in university when I was engaged, and a couple of them were seeing other girls. Kept the friendship very simple and the boundaries clear.
My husband is close friends with a few girls from his college days, and they also still keep in touch. They were never romantically interested in each other but would hang out and do things in a big group.
Also, say a girl and a boy start out as being friends and then end up getting married, why is that a bad thing?
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Yes they can be friends and even best friends.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
I don't think its imperative to change them but there's no denying that they do change naturally. Marriage/relationships play a major role in our lives and soak up our time, energy, affections, etc. Your husband becomes a priority and the rest of your guy friends take a backseat. More importantly, lots of men don't like their wives having male friends. That's just how it is...don't know a single girl who is still just as chummy with her guy friends after marriage as she was during school.
when you get married there is a shift in priorities i agree but i disagree that only guy friends take a backseat. once you are married even your female friends, your own siblings, cousins take a backseat with the only exception of parents i guess. so why say that you cant maintain close contact with just your male friends after marriage.
lots of girls also do not want their husbands to have female friends, this mentality is just not limited to guys not wanting their wives to have male friends.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
You answer your question yourself. If there are lots of girls and guys not wanting their spouses to have friends from opposite gender, there might be a reason to it?
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
Everyone else's experiences may differ but for me these are the boundaries between male/female friendships thta I have:
(Disclaimer--this is only with a few friends..I'm not like this with ALL my female friends, and those boundaires have nothing to do with gender)
I can text my female friends (some not all) while I'm out shopping and ask them to critique it.
depends on what you are out shopping. there have been occasions when i was out shopping for things like an ipod, cell phone, organizers i did phone my male friends for their inputs.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
when you get married there is a shift in priorities i agree but i disagree that only guy friends take a backseat. once you are married even your female friends, your own siblings, cousins take a backseat with the only exception of parents i guess. so why say that you cant maintain close contact with just your male friends after marriage.
lots of girls also do not want their husbands to have female friends, this mentality is just not limited to guys not wanting their wives to have male friends.
Where did I say only guy friends take a backseat? What are you disagreeing with exactly?
My main point was a simple one: you don't sever ties with your friends on purpose...it happens naturally because your priorities change.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
^Admit it. They put a raakhi...I mean friendship bracelet ...on you, didn't they?
:p
Admit karnay wali bat hoti tu karta tujh se. Na kabhi onho ne asa rakhi wali bat kahii..na he hua.
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
I was just teasing, Xtron. 
Re: AGE OLD QUESTION: Can guys and girls be friends?
In my experience, I think a guy and girl can be platonic friends if they are already in a committed relationship with someone else.
So if a girl already has a bf then she can be just friends with other guys and if a boy already has a gf then he can be just friends with other girls.
If ur a single girl and u have guy friends who u chat on the phone with, hang out with in a group etc. then there will always be a guy or two who r interested in taking the relationship further and don't want to be friendzoned and will try to make a move on u. The girl also always has atleast a crush on someone ( not necessarily the guy who likes her). So in this case if the girl does not resist the non-platonic relationship as a principle ( as in I am not interested in having a relationship period, not that he's not my type or he's not my mr. Right) at some point or the other it's gonna happen (whatever the reason, the guy's head over heels, he's persistent, he's got the girls friends on his side too, the girl has a crush on him too etc.)
And then there are also those ppl that keep denying it that there's nothing going on and they're just friends. But if ur having long midnight conversations with a guy, doing special stuff just for him and making ur world revolve around him then u can call him a friend all u want, that ship has already sailed.
I've never had a bf but have psychoanalyzed my friends' guy problems over the years and this theory has always held true. Btw all the roles can be gender reversed and it would still work.