After reading these questions about marriage from 20-somethings, I am beginning to wonder if 20s is the right time to get married in this day and age? Most of the time, I impression I get from these questions are:
a. They don’t know who they are.
b. They don’t know what they want out of life, spouse and marriage
c. They don’t know what marriage is about.
d. They don’t know what they’ll be giving up, willingly or unwillingly, to make it work.
I don't think anyone really knows the answers to these questions. It's just fun to contemplate. :)
People should know something about question a. and question d.
a) should know
b) 3 separate things! should know about life, and work
should know about what to expect out of spouse after meeting people.
c) you learn that once you get into it.
d) you learn that once you get into it.
Whether you come from a culture/religion that permits dating or doesn't - whether you've dated or not - whether you've even spoken to the opposite sex ever --- concerns c and d seem to be the post-marital ones. I don't know very many people who do get married that understand these things before marriage.
Much learning comes thru experience.
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*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
c) you learn that once you get into it.
d) you learn that once you get into it.
Whether you come from a culture/religion that permits dating or doesn't - whether you've dated or not - whether you've even spoken to the opposite sex ever --- concerns c and d seem to be the post-marital ones. I don't know very many people who do get married that understand these things before marriage.
Much learning comes thru experience.
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In this day and age, it's like saying that once you are dropped in a shark infested and a very deep body of water, you'd learn to swim and survive.
Re: After reading all these questions
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*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
I am beginning to wonder if 20s is the right time to get married in this day and age?
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Then what do you think is the right age to get married?
Early to mid 30s.
hasn't it always been like that, luxury?
Its either that or doing what our parents did - go according to what THEIR parents told them to do.
PCG the point of the ENTIRE thread is not to repeat the mistakes of the parents' generation and avoid willfull stupidity.
I was a month from turning 25 when I got married. For me that was the right time because I had graduated from University and had 2 years of working experience. I had also met many types of people, seen 'the world' to some extent, and felt ready to find my life partner. Priorities change as you get older. You learn to let go of your own selfish needs and realize how fulfilling life would be if someone else was there.
I think that if a girl is in her teens, she is still in that 'me,me, me' phase. She has not matured or learned to be secure in her own life. Being a wife requires alot of sacrifice of your own time and needs, especially when you have kids. So if you're a 19 y/o wife and mother, you may just feel tied down and end up resenting your situation. You, your husband and kids will all suffer. But if you're ready and mature, then married life and kids will be a blessing. I don't see it as work. I just want to do things for my husband. (Goes both ways though) And our daughter is our joy. I feel so blessed.
I don't think you just learn how to handle marriage once you get into it. I saw examples of good and bad marriages around me. I saw the mistakes and the sacrifices people made. My eyes were open and taking in everything as a child. I learned what not to do from other people's mistakes and make a conscious effort to have a good marriage.
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*Originally posted by saimanyc: *
I saw examples of good and bad marriages around me. I saw the mistakes and the sacrifices people made. My eyes were open and taking in everything as a child. I learned what not to do from other people's mistakes and make a conscious effort to have a good marriage.
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same here. i've seen my fair share of fast marriages and even faster divorces. but actually, it's been the older ones being less willing to comprimise than the younger ones. i think becuz the younger ones learn to mold themselves around each other a lot sooner before they grown into their own. ..the ones who lasted anyway.
everything just needs to be done in the right spirit.
no matter how hard u try.. there will never by any kinda formula u can follow to lead a happily married life... to make the hubby /wifey choosing process any easier..... no matter how educated u are, no matter how ready u are.. etc.. its always gonna be a gamble... all this crap bout being this and this old.. or being this way and that... useless...
Luxy all I have to say is that you're running around assuming things.Number one fact : You obviously dont know all those '20-somethings'.(Any more questions, I shall be happy to reply through the 'ghussa choro PM.':o btw choR diya ghussa.)
MQ, I started this thread after reading all these insightful matrimonial threads, and no your pat response doesn't change the conclusion one arrives at after going through them. :D
Re: After reading all these questions
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*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
After reading these questions about marriage from 20-somethings, I am beginning to wonder if 20s is the right time to get married in this day and age? Most of the time, I impression I get from these questions are:
a. They don't know who they are.
b. They don't know what they want out of life, spouse and marriage
c. They don't know what marriage is about.
d. They don't know what they'll be giving up, willingly or unwillingly, to make it work.
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MQ said it best. You don't know any of us 20-somethings who open threads about marriage and you are making far too many assumptions.
^^ See my response to MQ's post.
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*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *
Early to mid 30s.
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How feasible is this really, judging by our cultural and religious values?
Do you really think people will be able to 'control' themselves this long?
Luxy , although I keep saying never to marriage, if I change my mind - I have a feeling I want it to happen in my 20s not 30s.Change your conclusion because you arrived at it with false facts.Contrary to your belief , 20s somethings know quite a bit about what they want.However marriage isnt all in black and white.
M— it isnt about control.I for one, wish to spend my 20’s with my hubby and be a young mom.
30s seems (personally) a little late.As a female.
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
Contrary to your belief , 20s somethings know quite a bit about what they want.
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I know, shocking, isn't it?
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*Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
Luxy , although I keep saying never to marriage,
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M--- it isnt about control.I for one, wish to spend my 20's with my hubby
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Such confusion. :D
I have all the evidence to not change my conclusions, especially about you. Ha! :D