well, its kind of a tradition in pakistan, when someone passes away, other people go to their place and do a formal AFSOS with the family. People usually dont celebrate the PEHLI EID after death of an immediate family memeber. Some people come to AFSOS on the pehli jumeraat (thrusday… why? ) etc etc..
I didnt know all these thing until I got married.. I came to know the details, how to utho-baitho with the others and yes doing AFSOS as a formal thing was/is a must. Well, I still dont know what are the right words to do afsos. I usually dont say anything when I go to such a place. idont ask the details, as I feel asking too many questions might make the other sadder and maybe they dont want to talk much about it… When my mom passed away when I was 15 when people came to our place for afsos I used to run away to our neighbour’s place and stay there for hours until all the guests were gone. I didnt like them coming to our place reminding us that our mom is not with us anymore. I didnt want to talk about her sufferings…
Lekin the question is… Do people REALLY expect others to come and do a formal afsos?
Why do they expect door paar ke rishtadaars or even your aquaintances to come and do afsos?
Because some of our relatives (quite door paar ke) are on NO-TALKING-TERMS + on-a-mission-to-badnaam-us among the other relatives, just because we didnt (read: COULDNT) go to their place and did afsos, un ki phuphi ke foat honay pe
I cant believe some people can make this such a big issue.
So what are the views?
Afsos is only for 3 days and taaziat kerna sunnah hai .But jahaan tak is baat ka taaluq hai ke pehli eid or pehla Thursaday etc etc. Idon't do these things and even if people mind I don't go on such occasions.jo cheez ghalat hai so hai and ham oblige nahi usey kernay ke.
well that is sad that your relatives are behaving like this with you adn your family as this relative was distant to you guys.
i think a phone call also could have sufficed for the afsos since it was not someone very karreeb.
don't worry we all have to deal with the relatives. they all jsut want to make our lives hard and challenging as they have nothing else to do. it is sad but his is what most paksitanis families do to each other. peecha nehi chordte. they don't forget and they certainly don't forgive and make a big deal out of things which are in reality really not that big of a deal.
I agree with what UZ said .. Tazeeyat kerna is sunnat. Plus think of this. If we dont go for the passing of their love ones, one day we might go through the same situation and how will we feel if some people dont come cause they thought that its just formality,
When you go for taziyat, you extend your emotional support to the family. They need it that time and its no formality,
Well, we did do the tazeeyat to the family which is like closer to us.. We just didnt think that it was really important going to the elder brother’s house, who doesnt even know us properly.
Its the elder brother who’s making it a big issue. And now after all the bad things he has said about us among the other rishtadars I dont even want to see their faces again
I agree with what UZ said .. Tazeeyat kerna is sunnat. Plus think of this. If we dont go for the passing of their love ones, one day we might go through the same situation and how will we feel if some people dont come cause they thought that its just formality,
When you go for taziyat, you extend your emotional support to the family. They need it that time and its no formality,
I've been through that situation :( read my first post.
Tazeeyat karna is one thing and expecting others to come for the Afsos, is another...
Wish I could explain better :(
u see, people like these, i mentioned above.. they look for occassions like these to pick other's mistakes or do gillay shikway...
) etc etc..
