I have this great fear. That I will not be a good mother. Reason being that I find myself to be a rather selfish individual. I see how I am with my family, and I am always mentioning how I need to hire a maid, etc. Mum looks after me because I am a lazy cow. I think cows are less lazy actually.
I’ve always loved children and they seem to like me a lot as well, but as Oprah once stated, at the end of the day, its a relief knowing they are going home with their own parents. I dont have this desire to have children like many of my other female friends. When my nieces and nephews are over, I dont think to myself how I’d like to have a child someday. (Before I wanted to adopt, and I still would consider it, but the idea of having children has just been put aside by me recently.) It’s a duality, on the one hand I used to want to adopt and on the other I thought I wouldnt make a good mother, and now this.
My focus has shifted, mostly to work.
However, today I got a call from a long lost friend. She is a lot like me, and she mentioned she just had a baby. She was telling me how she never thought she could bond with a child and be happy to have children, but she told me that the pregnancy and birth completely changed her outlook. I was very pleased and happy for her. It made me think to myself that maybe I would have this bond with my children, one that I fear would be totally lacking at this point. I dont know if its the fear or the focus on work, or my laziness, etc, that is having me think this way.
Munni, You are too cute and innocent sometimes Yaaro give yourself some credit. i know you are not that “lazy” or “selfish”. Far from it.
Maybe, the ‘difference’ between you and your friend is that your friend’s particular situation has caused her maternal instincts to kick in. A year ago she probably thought much in the same manner as you currently do, but when you are in that position itself - naturally certain priorities change. We tend to put our needs secondary and those of the child’s - first. Maybe it’s an evolutionary thing, i am not certain but whatever it is - i am sure that you would make a good mother when the time comes, and it’s normal to feel that way right now. No one is perfect, we are ALL selfish to some extent aren’t we… The fact you are worried about it is, i think, a healthy indication that at least you have the desire in you to want to be a better person. i am certain that when the time comes, you would make a great mother… no one is perfect, though, remember that; we’re all selfish to some extent. Regarding the focusing on work, etc. - i am sure that your consciousness itself would rearrange the priorities when you enter motherhood. i have heard of many individuals who used to think that way (in terms of ‘will i make time away from work’ etc) but once they became parents - the transition does occur. Try not to worry about it (easier said than done i know!) - give yourself some credit None of us are perfect.
Yaaro give yourself some credit. i know you are not that “lazy” or “selfish”. Far from it.
None of us are perfect.