Hi all,
I’m currently going through a horrible situation. It’s to do with a proposal which came
around the beginning of the year through good family friends. Meet the guy twice, once with family, once over coffee, talked quite a bit over the internet. After our coffee meeting he suggested that he was happy, and was waiting for a response from our side.
Initially I was not overly impressed, however over time, I developed feelings for the guy, he was very different, not the type of person, I had envisaged getting married to, but something happened, that I thought, this may work. He was ambitious, had a great sense of humour, & other qualities which I admired.
Problem was his background was very different, studied in the UK, & lived there for a few years, but was born & lived in Pakistan most of his life. I have been born & lived all my life in X. He had nothing of his own, no car, no home, was not really settled. Although I value character more than material objects when considering a proposal, a sense of security is also important.
Anyway, we talked, I was happy, until we discussed a few topics, after which I completely got panicked, I realised that his way of thinking was quite different to mine. Although he was a very decent guy, he had strong opinions about certain things…for example he thought engagement was a Hindu rasam, but also hinted that if I wanted it, it would happen, also he kept pushing me to make my mind up, suggesting he had other options, I did take a long time to be fair…4 months, but was hurt by his comments.
I initially declined (he told his family) without consulting my parents, I felt he didn’t take it to hardly, and suggested that he’d move on. I realise I hurt his ego by declining but later panicked, and told him that I thought I had made a mistake, and that we should take things further.
He got very confused, which he was not until that point, & said he would have to pass it though his parents, as he was unable to make a decision according to him they decided not to take it forward; he told me it was over.
Problem is though out the whole process ive gone through a tough time, I keep feeling the urge to contact him, even 3 months later. We did talk casually 3 times after he said things were over, 2 of these conversations were initiated by me. Now there is no contact, although I sent him a message a while ago to which I did not get a response. I’m hurting my own ego, letting myself down by chasing after someone who doesn’t care about me. I feel ive made a mistake, let something good go, feel like going back and starting over again.
I’m just finding it hard to get over, have developed anxiety for which I am taking medication. I’m just an emotional mess. Ive had other proposals before, but have never interacted to this degree with anyone, so have never been as involved.
Any advice on how to get over him, forget him, get positive about life again, become my bubbly self, stop worrying about what’s happened???
