Thanks Sidra for your advice! Wow… glad to know that this isn’t just in my family. I was honestly kinda weirded out because I have never heard/seen of this before. But the points you bring up are great and make complete sense… I will talk to my mom and bring them up. Thank you 
Um … well I just got engaged a few months ago and no other issues have come up YET. But I have a feeling that they will and I want to start preparing. lol. I wanted to get advice from people that have already gone thru this or are going thru it as well right now.
One looming issue that comes into my mind right away now that I think about it is also “Jahaiz” and the “gift-giving to the khandaan”. I know my in-laws practice this and so they will probably have expectations. 
But I also know that my family does not practice this at all. Especially the Jahaiz thing. The gift-giving is only limited to the immediate family members as opposed to the entire “khandaan”.
I have talked to my fiance and he is really really chill and understanding. He actually didn’t even know about what Jahaiz even was. lol. I am sure he will try talking to his family gently about this… but I can see tensions rising and annoyances created since there is this air of “expectations” when it comes to shaadis and family’s own customs and traditions (and thinking they will all go down).
So yea - so no throwing under the bus yet… but I want to avoid this in the future. Help!