Hello everyone. I have been lurking around GS for awhile now and, after seeing the excellent advice being given here, I thought i’d ask for some insight into an issue regarding me personally.
I am at an age now where my parents are actively searching for a rishta for me. They have also encouraged me and asked me that if I have anyone in mind, to let them know. Now, recently my cousin’s wife’s brother added me on facebook and we have been communicating a fair bit - today was the first time we spoke on the phone and it was for about 2.5 - 3 hours. Now this guy…I only saw him once before at my cousin’s wedding but iv’e heard things about him- i.e.: he used to lead a very party lifestyle etc but has now reformed. He is, however, only about 1 month older then me and due to this party lifestyle never went to university and is aiming to start this year. I have finished uni and am now looking for a job (i’m a lawyer). So a few ques:
He has expressed much interest in me but I am hesitant due to the fact that I do not know how my family would react as, according to them, nothing but a lawyer/dr/engineer will do. What do I do?
Does it matter if I am ahead of him in this aspect of life?
Should I just give up now (while I am still in the getting to know him stage) or should I continue getting to know him?
He is a very nice guy but I am just a bit worried about the education aspect. I do not mean to sound like a snob and I hope I don’t come across as one but I am just in need of some advice please.
1) He has expressed much interest in me but I am hesitant due to the fact that I do not know how my family would react as, according to them, nothing but a lawyer/dr/engineer will do. What do I do?
You just tell your family the truth, what matters to you is if hi education affects you.
2) Does it matter if I am ahead of him in this aspect of life?
Ofcourse it does to me but does it matter to you? That's the important thing.
3) Should I just give up now (while I am still in the getting to know him stage) or should I continue getting to know him?
I don't see how it can work unless you guys are in love and will do whatever it takes to make it work. You are about to start your professional career and he is not even a graduate yet, so that doesnt make much sense 2 me. Unless ofcourse you want to wait for his studies to complete, which i think would be quite a risk to take for somebody you don't know that well.
His course is 5 years long too...and my parents will not wait 5 years!...I just am thinking maybe it's more sensible to back off now since I am not in love with him and today was the first time we ever talked on the phone.
His course is 5 years long too...and my parents will not wait 5 years!...I just am thinking maybe it's more sensible to back off now since I am not in love with him and today was the first time we ever talked on the phone.
Hello everyone. I have been lurking around GS for awhile now and, after seeing the excellent advice being given here, I thought i'd ask for some insight into an issue regarding me personally.
I am at an age now where my parents are actively searching for a rishta for me. They have also encouraged me and asked me that if I have anyone in mind, to let them know. Now, recently my cousin's wife's brother added me on facebook and we have been communicating a fair bit - today was the first time we spoke on the phone and it was for about 2.5 - 3 hours. Now this guy...I only saw him once before at my cousin's wedding but iv'e heard things about him- i.e.: he used to lead a very party lifestyle etc but has now reformed. He is, however, only about 1 month older then me and due to this party lifestyle never went to university and is aiming to start this year. I have finished uni and am now looking for a job (i'm a lawyer). So a few ques:
1) He has expressed much interest in me but I am hesitant due to the fact that I do not know how my family would react as, according to them, nothing but a lawyer/dr/engineer will do. What do I do?
Indeed, your family will react. You are professional lady and hopefully get a good job in law firm/etc. This guy is not yet finished his education and wasting time in party for a while. You should find out dr/engineer or any other good professional guy.
2) Does it matter if I am ahead of him in this aspect of life?
It matters person to person. usually guy should be more educated than girls. Our desi society dont digest more educated girl easily.
3) Should I just give up now (while I am still in the getting to know him stage) or should I continue getting to know him?
No, if you agree with my reply to your question # 1, then you should forget him.
He is a very nice guy but I am just a bit worried about the education aspect. I do not mean to sound like a snob and I hope I don't come across as one but I am just in need of some advice please.
You worried because your family is kind of educated and value it.
Thanks.
You are a lawyer you can sue your parents if they do not agree to your choice . :D
Just kidding. I have no advice for you , this is a decision you have to make yourself based on your own instincts and likes and dislikes.
obviously mental satisfaction is everything in a marriage. If you have apprehensions even when you havent stepped into any further relationship with him, it is not going to last long. At one point or the other you will look back and regret. Or if his professional career is secondary to you, go for it and give it a try.
1) He has expressed much interest in me but I am hesitant due to the fact that I do not know how my family would react as, according to them, nothing but a lawyer/dr/engineer will do. What do I do?
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you said your parents wont agree for such a long wait i.e. 5yrs. you need to see are you ready to wait for him for that long till he finishes his studies. if you can then maybe you can speak to your parents and make them understand. but as you said that you are not in love with him then i think you should just follow what your parents are saying.**
2) Does it matter if I am ahead of him in this aspect of life?
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no it doesnot matter.**** its not your fault if you are ahead of him. it is/was his responsibility to be at the same or high level.**
3) Should I just give up now (while I am still in the getting to know him stage) or should I continue getting to know him?
He is a very nice guy but I am just a bit worried about the education aspect. I do not mean to sound like a snob and I hope I don't come across as one but I am just in need of some advice please.
education is very very very important. he should have his education. as you said that his course is 5yrs long and your parents wont wait that long therefore i will say its better if you end it now. 5yrs is a long time preferences can change in a big span of time.you will find someone better. inshallah
Like other said just back off because he isn't done with his education. There is no guarantee that he will finish it and he can go through a lot of changes while starting college too.
Thanks to everyone for your replies. I sent him a txt message today saying that I can only be friends with him. He protested at first but seems to have accepted it.
Thanks to everyone for your replies. I sent him a txt message today saying that I can only be friends with him. He protested at first but seems to have accepted it.
it is also good for you to cut all kind of ties with him (including friendship).
I assume you do love him .. and I wouldn't say you r immature cuz that doesn't apply to you.. well kia kehna ab ! ishq par zor nahi ye hai wo aatish ghalib lol