Its my first time posting here because I really need advice from someone who has gone through this! My family recently received 2 rishtas for me. Both of the boys along with their parents and siblings came to my house to see me. My family absolutly loves both rishtas but I immediately said no to one boy because I really felt like my personalty didnt get along with his. Now my family wants me to make up my mind on the second rishta because while they approve, they do want it to be my choice. My question is how do you know to say yes when you barely know the person.
There were also two guys who were seriously interested in me from my univ but I said no cuz I was still pretty young and my family wanted me to focus on my education so if I say no again, then thats four guys Ive rejected and I dont want to be the girl that keeps saying no. My cousins have had arranged marriages where they only met the other person for a few minutes and the decision was mostly made by the families. In my case I have met the person 3 times now(under family supervision) and while hes a great guy, I dont know how to tell if he is the one. We have similar interests but I dont feel a spark…Is that normal…Please help! Are my expectations too high
Its arranged, so having no sparks would be normal. But, in your case...think of things that you are attracted to about him. Make a list of Pros/Cons and start listing things under both, things you like and things you dont like and you can weigh your options like that. Sometimes when you write, your creative juices start to flow and more things come to mind. After you made a list..think if the next person/rishta could be better or worse..are you selling yourself short? or are you really getting a good guy/family? dont worry about the sparks, if everything else fits, the sparks will come on their own.
Ya it's pretty normal to not have feelings for the potential prospect. In my case, I looked at all his traits and felt he was compatible with me. There were no red flags which stopped me from accepting the rishta. You just need to see if the prospect is someone you can see yourself chilling with! That's what I did. I didn't even ask any questions because I felt that unless you live with the person that there are no amount of questions that can be satisfactory in getting to know him.
I am going through a similar situation but in my case I never rejected any one. I just never had the time for getting married ( I know it sounds wierd ). When I was in my teens though people used to come to our place for the chai thing and I got rejected like a dozen times mostly due to my looks. Now after all these years and maturity kicking in I figured out that the attraction and spark thing is important but relatively it's on a low rank atleast for me.
you know, its not really worth it until YOU are satisfied. everyone is different. my family tells me that if the family and guy are good, dont worry about interest and sparks, those things come after marriage anyways. But i get hesitant and think what if they dont come after shaadi?...but i know myself, and i know im stubborn with my decisions. good family or good guy and im not interetsed then i cannot go through with it..and i am actually in this situation right now.
the guy my family is considering right now is few months younger than me, making him in his very early twenty's...meaning he has a long way to be settled. and im a girl who is very mature for my age, therefore the personality with age factor kicks in and is the deal breaker for me...such a hard situation.
before getting into it...make sure you think of EVERYTHING..dont just 'go with the flow'..and dont ignore your wants/needs just for the sake of having a 'rishta'...look for the potential and always remember that you are entitled to your decsision. i've learned the hard way :( and now im stuck with thinking how to rearrange my situation with not hurting the guys feelings.