My brother has a proposal for marriage of a girl who his family likes - she’s a very religious Pakistan woman and he’s rather conservative too.
They like the girl a lot (who they’ve only met once - typical rishta process start), but her father is a clever bureaucrat. Not dishonest, but one who’s over-clever and keeps everyone in the bureaucracy happy (which doesn’t inspire confidence in a place Pakistan) - that is, sometimes he wins through relationships rather than performance. However, he doesn’t seem to accept bribes - so he’s not dishonest in that sense.
How can he really make this decision? He likes the girl, but is afraid the father’s habits of being overly clever and maybe playing ‘games’ may be in the daughter too.
Well there is no way of finding out if she is or is not until you start spending time with her and that too would require quite a long time. So really, not much can be done about that.
Make your decision based on what info you have or what you can calculatedly drive out with your meetings with her.
there is always a risk in any marriage. he doesn't have to worry about her dad. if he doesn't like him, he can always keep a distance and interact as little as possible. saying that dad's traits may be present in his daughter is not very logical to say. every individual is different. i've seen very nice son/daughter while their father was a crook.
For most Muslim families, what other ways are there to judge a prospect? You see the parents and hope they taught their kids in the same way. That's why the parents matter.
I guess the best thing to do is get info on the family and if he really likes the girl he should go for it. No marriage is perfect but he's at an advantage as
the girl will be living with him and not the other way around.
NaMaan,
**
For most Muslim families, what other ways are there to judge a prospect? You see the parents and hope they taught their kids in the same way. **That's why the parents matter.
That doesn't take into account the fact that kids have their own personalities.. It's very naive to just assume a kid will be like their parents imo..
Prospective Muslim brides and grooms can still meet with their mehrams.. You won't know everything but you'll get an idea of their personality and if there are common interests at least..
Don't judge her because of her dad. My dad is overly clever and in the wrong sense too, I would hate for someone to reject me because of my dad. Who knows, she might also want to get away from her overly clever dad?