Advice needed..

cute_ainee · April 16, 2017, 4:22pm

I am really surprised about one of my friends..she said really bad things about a particular group of people and asked me to stay away from them and then today she went to meet them at some fun lunch..now the thing here is that i am not desperate to meet that particular group of people but im really kinda hurt and surprised why she did so..what should i do in this situation?
My friend is not just my friend infact its a big group of friends and she is one of them..like she is not very close to me,just an ordinary friend..but im feeling so bad about her though i don’t want to coz i want my peace of mind..any good piece of advice plz just to calm myself down..thanks

redvelvet · April 16, 2017, 5:40pm

Re: Advice needed..

It’s a part of life that we sometimes socialize with people that we may not like very much. For example, at work you may have to attend events hosted for a particular coworker that you may not be crazy about. You may have to attend the wedding of a cousin that you may not have liked since childhood. My mom attends dawats where she may not like a couple of people in that social group, BUT…she gets along with the others…so she doesn’t allow those 1 or 2 people to stop her from attending events and having a good time. Similarly, it’s possible that this friend of yours may not like a couple of people from this particular group…but she finds everyone else tolerable enough to spend time with. Maybe your friend was just in the mood of getting dressed and going out and meeting up with people. Aisa hota hai. Even the most introverted person sometimes feels like hanging out with another person. It could even be that she has been a part of this group for a long time and they have become a “habit/aadat” for her and she finds it hard to avoid them completely. Whatever her reasons are…it doesn’t matter…and you shouldn’t dwell on it.
Your friend cannot force you to avoid this group. Just as she herself is free to hang out with whomever she wants, you are free to do the same. She is not seeking anybody’s permission or approval and you don’t need to either.
Thankfully this woman is not a close friend of yours. If she is backbiting/gossiping about this group to you…and then hangs out with them…then she can easily do the same thing with you. She could smile in your face and talk crap about you behind your back.

The reasons behind why she hung out with this group of people when she told u to avoid them is not that important. Do not ask her why she went against the advice she gave you. It’ll make her feel awkward and she may not give you an honest answer. The more important thing is to be careful with this woman. Continue to be pleasant and respectful in your interactions with her…but do not share any details of your personal life or problems with her and do not say anything about any group member to her…especially anything negative.

cute_ainee · April 16, 2017, 11:43pm

Re: Advice needed..

redvelvet:

It’s a part of life that we sometimes socialize with people that we may not like very much. For example, at work you may have to attend events hosted for a particular coworker that you may not be crazy about. You may have to attend the wedding of a cousin that you may not have liked since childhood. My mom attends dawats where she may not like a couple of people in that social group, BUT…she gets along with the others…so she doesn’t allow those 1 or 2 people to stop her from attending events and having a good time. Similarly, it’s possible that this friend of yours may not like a couple of people from this particular group…but she finds everyone else tolerable enough to spend time with. Maybe your friend was just in the mood of getting dressed and going out and meeting up with people. Aisa hota hai. Even the most introverted person sometimes feels like hanging out with another person. It could even be that she has been a part of this group for a long time and they have become a “habit/aadat” for her and she finds it hard to avoid them completely. Whatever her reasons are…it doesn’t matter…and you shouldn’t dwell on it.

Your friend cannot force you to avoid this group. Just as she herself is free to hang out with whomever she wants, you are free to do the same. She is not seeking anybody’s permission or approval and you don’t need to either.

Thankfully this woman is not a close friend of yours. If she is backbiting/gossiping about this group to you…and then hangs out with them…then she can easily do the same thing with you. She could smile in your face and talk crap about you behind your back.

The reasons behind why she hung out with this group of people when she told u to avoid them is not that important. Do not ask her why she went against the advice she gave you. It’ll make her feel awkward and she may not give you an honest answer. The more important thing is to be careful with this woman. Continue to be pleasant and respectful in your interactions with her…but do not share any details of your personal life or problems with her and do not say anything about any group member to her…especially anything negative.

thank u so much for the advice..u explained it so well and i feel so better reading ur post..actually its her first time with that group of people and i know that very well..i dont know y i got so upset..i felt betrayed i think..i dont even wanna think abt her but sometimes it happens i guess..plus so much i wanna leave this girl but she is part of a group where everyone else is quite good..i think its part of life and it happens..thanks again for ur advice..

queer · April 17, 2017, 2:42am

Re: Advice needed..

i think she’s trying to steal the boy so becareful and pay attention, you want to graduate high school with a good gpa or whatever.