Re: Advice needed, for an anonymous user
Is this “friend” and your ex…the same person? If you go read your post…you’ll find that it’s worded in a confusing way. Anyhow…look at the words in your message that I’ve bolded in red. If you’ve already made up your mind that you can’t let go of this “friend” that you really don’t have an obligation toward…then what’s the point of even seeking advice or getting married? You’ve already decided that you’re hell-bent on not letting certain things go.
You think this guy may be the “one” person in your life that you loved and never got?? LOL, there may be several guys you might feel that way about…if you were to get to know them for a long enough period. Heck even after marriage you could come across the guy who seems more like “the one” to you. But marriage is about the maturity to commit to one person. This friend that you consider to be “the one” is going to have flaws in his perosnality just like any other guy…and even if you were to have a relationship/marriage with him…it will not be perfect, it will still have its ups and downs like any other relationship. So don’t be so sure of the thought that he’s “the one.” In a world where there are so many people…you can find yourself compatible with lots of them. In other words there can be MANY “the ones” out there. The question is…where do you draw the line?
A guy would be “the one” when the feelings are MUTUAL. But since he does not have a strong enough desire to dump his girlfriend and be with you…since his heart is more set on the girl he’s currently with…since he doesn’t want to have anything romantic with you…he is NOT “the one.” Rather “the one” would be someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them…and you’re both headed in the same direction in terms of a relationship. But that’s not the case with you…thus rendering this whole situation as basically a one-sided affair/infatuation.
And then of course…when your fiance lives so far away…he obviously cannot give you the kind of attention that you’re receiving from your friend. It would be easier for him to do this if he lived closer to you. That’s a point to consider.
*******Your friend is having relationship problems…but you don’t have an obligation to be his therapist. You can always choose to distance yourself politely from the situation. And if you don’t…then it’s really because you have no desire to. I’m sure he has other friends and even family members that he can confide in and seek advice from. You don’t have to be the overly good samaritan and go out of your way here.
******** It seems like you’re confused and don’t know what you want. So you can choose to end the engagement. And if you do this…then that doesn’t mean you should start an affair with your friend. And if you do start an affair with him and things don’t work…don’t go running back to your previous fiance. So, ending the engagement so that you can sort yourself out is one option…which will of course also be an inconveniecne to family especially if wedding preparations are in full swing already. The other option is that you can GROW UP and STOP talking to this friend. of yours…and focus on your fiance. You can ask your parents to delay the wedding for some time…and then when your fiance comes to visit you…you can spend time interacting with him face-to-face to see if you both have chemistry and are compatible. If you feel that your interactions with him in person are great …that you two are compatible…then go for the wedding. If you feel (from the personal interactions) that this is not the case…then consider ending it.