advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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So I recently had a baby girl and I love her beyond anything else in my life. I also love my husband (and yeah, he feels the same way about me, our daughter)… My point, we’re all exuding the feelings that any one person would abt his/her spouse/ child.

The deal’s that we’re going thru some rough times and with the osap(student loan) accumulating for both of us I just can’t delay going back to work. My baby is only a month old and I have been looking for work for a long time now since my last job didn’t last beyond the mat leave. I finally have a few interviews lined up and I’m positive about a couple of them. Also, in my condos, I am very close friends (and she’s also extended family) with this baji who has her own kids and if she were to babysit our girl for me, I wouldn’t think twice! Now this baji unfortunately doesn’t babysit since she has 3 little kids of her own but she has highly recommended someone else in our building whom she’s good friends with. I’m yet to meet her friend, but this baji keeps on praising her and tells me that I will go to work in peace since her friend absolutely loves little kids and will raise her like her own.

The problem’s that since this is my first time, I am severely emotional. I don’t even have a job offer as of now and yet I keep on balling my eyes out all the time cuz obv like all mothers it will be hell for me to leave my little one with someone else. At the same time I feel for my husband who’s really working overtime and struggling hard for us to go thru this tough time. I want to be his strength as well and after all what we’re doing (work and all) is for the betterment of our life/baby..

I just want to hear from any other parent who once wore my shoes. What did you tell yourself to make you go thru the day at work? My husband is trying to cheer me up by telling me how it will be fun for me to get out of the house and get sometime for myself. One of the interviews I’ve lined up is at this place where I’ve always wanted to work but now that they finally called me in, I don’t feel excited. I’m just constantly crying. I love my girl. But then so do all moms and dads who just have to leave their kids behind at some point with the babysitter. Plus, I also know that no matter what age she is, it will just be hard for me to leave her with someone to start off with! As in, ppl tell me hey maybe you should wait a few more months or w/e.. but it will just be as hard for me when she’s 6 months old as it is now.

And like I said, I want to be there with my husband and go through all this with him. Plus he can also accomodate his work timings to some extent for him to also be able to put in a few hrs in the morn so the baby has less time to spend with the sitter.

I’m really waiting to hear from all of you. Perhaps it’ll make me feel better!

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Why even the need for your first paragraph? it's a given that you will all love each other!

It seems to me that you are trying to make it sound as if you are majboor and don't have a choice, but that you ARE looking forward to working. And you know what--its' your life, your family--you do what you need to do for you all to live a better life. Aside from your family you aren't answerable to anyone, least of all people on here.

But maybe I'm wrong. good luck.

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

Sadzzzzzzzzz where are you.??/ !!!!!!!!

i know she will help you :)

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

find a desi babysitter...a grandma type. believe me ur daughter will be in good hands. a grandma from our culture is loving, caring and will treat your child as one of her own grand children. :) iA and above all, have trust in Allah that He will look after your baby :) aameen

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ummmmm.. that's a real dumass twisted reply :S
The first para is basically telling the reader that we're no exception to what I'm ranting abt. As in all parents who return to work after having a baby go thru what I will be going thru. And Im not asking for opinions.. just wanting to hear someone else's story who did what I will be doing. It's called a support group!!

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hmm the grandma type I doubt will be well enough herself to take care of my infant.. trust me, you need a lot of energy for that. We can't afford one of those certified ones for now, they'll possibly take more than half my salary and then workin will be a time waste. and like you said, that's just what I am telling myself now. That I will be leaving my kid in Allah's trust and He will look after my baby. Amazing thing you said HUsmani. It makes me feel so much better already :)

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Yeah sorry i think ur first paragraph is really dumbass too. nobody wud assume otherwise u dont love your childor each other etc.
some things are just obvious. ;]

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

well my uncle's wife ran off with some other guy when her daughter was only 3months old, and never looked back so yeah I'd beg to differ.

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**
Allah be our protector, iA...aameen..

u mentioned OSAP [Ontario Student Aid Program]. i assume u r in Ontario somewhere so am i. i'm in Lucknow, Ontario near sarnia. in Ontario there are financial help available towards the babysitting costs. i wud urge you to plz explore that possibility. Good Luck and i pray for you and May Allah guide u and be ur and ur family's protector aameen**

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

awww.

No grandma in the picture? I know families down here will fly in their relatives to help with babies.

Grandma's love that stuff.

Ager hum ARz karein gey tu !!!!
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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

Bhenjee, my sister had to go through a very similar situation. She had to leave my neice at home when she was 3 months old. It was very very very hard for her, she called 20 times a day to find out what was going on at home, what she was doing, if she ate, burped, diapered, sounds she made, etc.

Now, my niece is 2 1/2 and my sis has been home for over 6 months with her. It was a rough patch, they made it and now are absolutely devoted to my neice's upbringing only.

It happens to a lot of couples. They have to work really hard in the beginning to make sure their life is better later. The important thing is to make sure you dont lose sight of the most important thing: your baby.

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

bhenjee, I moved your thread here as there is a better chance of getting serious replies here.

Much luck! :)

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

You know what I say, that babies are small only once and grow up so quick, I know you must be enjoying your time with her, I really do pity the females who have to go back to work for financial reasons, as there is no other option, my cousin who gave birth to a boy in pakistan is also in the same dilemma, I say go to work only if you cannot survive otherwise, maybe you guys can do some financial adjustments, like pay the loan later or cut back on unnecessary things, so that you can stay home atleast for one year, then find a good carecenter for your kid, u will be much more in ease that u know u spend the first year with your baby. the first year is the most important as the bonding is growing between the baby and the mom!

Islamic books for childrens
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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

Bhenjee, all new moms who have to return to work go thru this heartbreak. Its a completely different issue than who is caring for your child - the thing that makes you upset is that its not you...right? Some moms fare better than others but eventually things will settle for you. Your baby will always know who her mom is and always be delighted when you get home.

Have you considered any work-at-home positions? You could look into being a care-giver yourself. Or some sort of data-entry position. Depending on the type of work you're looking for, many companies now allow their employees to work from home at least some of the time so you may want to ask about that also.

I wish you the best!

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**
and turn them into unpaid, unappreciated, unlucky worker? i've seen quite a few instances where those poor ladies cry out against their own children's abuse. i met this lady on the plane and i felt so bad after hearing her story. thats why in toronto, we've senior's help group funded partiallly by the Provincial Government.**

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This is gonna sound mean, but why didn't you consider your financial position before having children. I knew that I wanted to stay at home when we had children so we have waited 6 years to ensure we have the financial infrastructure in place to cope with one income.

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

zena,its nice that you're planning and all that and wouldnt the world be a nice place if everyone's plans worked out exactly the way they wanted. Condoms break, pills dont always work, sperms like to meet eggs and thats that. When you live life, you have to go with the flow and do your best to make lemonade when life hands you lemons yeah? Maybe all your planning worked out well...but what if a condom broke on your wedding night and those 6 years of waiting never happened? You'd have had to adjust those plans yeah? Blessed you are that you didnt have to do that so you should have more compassion for those not as lucky as you yeah?

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

Isn't one month after delivery too soon to return to work? Your hormones can take up to 6 months to settle down and go back to normal, and you need to be close to normal in order to get and keep a job. The constant crying isn't just cause of the love you feel for your child ... it's hormonal too. Maybe you should at least wait until your baby is able to sleep through the night (which is around 3-4 months of age), so that you will be proper rested in order to work.

You are not Super Woman. You need to take care of yourself first in order to take good care of your baby.

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Bhenjee, I'm not even married and, therefore, way far from being a mom and I'm not sure if my advise would be of any help for you.

What I understood from your post is that you're mostly worried about your OSAP pay-off, correct? If there is no other major expense that you need to worry about, perhaps, you can take up a part-time job for now? That way, you won't have to be away from your baby girl for a long period of time and there will be some supplementary income coming in as well. Also, assuming your husband has a 9-5 job, you may look for an evening job so that your daughter is always with one of the two parents and you won't be worrying about leaving her to some stranger.

I hope things work out for your family very soon. Good luck!

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Re: advice: back to work, leaving newborn with babysitter..

To answer all of your questions, not going back to work IF I land a job is just not an option right now. We all know the recession situation here. Yeah I'm considering odd time work too, like say in the evenings, or long hours on the weekend and possibly my mom will be able to help us with babysitting after the end of this year. The problem with parttime work is that whatever I make will possibly end up with the babysitter so it's just no use.

LIke mamaof3 said, my greatest worry is that it wont be ME who'd be takin care of her while I'm away at work. But you gotta do what you gotta do! and life is totally unpredictable no matter how much plan it. And I can see that my husband worries for us even when he appears to be all cheery and I hate that feeling. I'm his backbone and so I need to be up and about and MehnazQ, in all honesty I don't really think that you need that long to recover. I mean it's all in the head (except if someone had some real severe complications with the baby). I did fine so I wont say I'm anything but :)