i thought that some of these were most amusing
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOG
FREE PUPPIES…PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART
STUPID DOG
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT…
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE…
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS
OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED…
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK – $2000
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT – $15
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
89 cents
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING
“WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS”
SHAKESPEARE’S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
“IF IT’S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!”
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT’S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
ALZHEIMER’S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
KELLOGG’S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB – $850/offer
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
