This is a good topic and worthy of its own thread.
Re: Adoption...(split thread)
When there are fertility issues, both choices are extremely time consuming, expensive and emotionally draining. Persue infertility treatments which may or may not work. Or start the endless paperwork, evaluations and interviews that are required for adoption.
Most that I know of want to try for their own biological child and stick with it until they either have success or until things look pretty dire.
Either way, its a highly personal choice and one that family and friends should be supportive of. Its stressful enough to go through all this with the support - but to go thru it with family and friends who arent supportive can be pretty darn devastating.
Re: Adoption...(split thread)
my bff and her husband had resolved on one try with fertility before adoption. fortunately, their one shot at fertility worked and mA they are now expecting. but this pregnancy has been extremely difficult for her thus far and so i highly doubt their future children will be biological. both of them are very keen on adoption and since they are both indian, will most likely adopt from india. partly to avoid the dearth of paperwork here but also so they can bring home a little baby from a similar background.
like mama said, both options have their fair share of emotions and hard work involved. i guess you try for a biological child until you can't, and then you look into adoption.
Re: Adoption...(split thread)
As Mo3 said,both are pretty emotionally exhausting things.When you are pursuing either one of them it really takes a toll on you and you life.
Even before we started with the fertility treatments and explored our options in that regard,my husband used to say that if it never happened biologically for us,we will adopt.
We started with the fertility treatments which lasted about a year,give or take and we were Alhumdullialh successful.
If we had exhausted all our options and other factors that go into play,we would have thought about adoption.
My husband only said this once I think that he thought some of his family members wont support this idea.We never talked about it because we never actually faced the situation and all was hypothetical.
Re: Adoption...(split thread)
I want to adopt a child...but im confuse should i adopt a girl or boy?? i think i should open another thread for this discussion...
Edited...i know many people think/say that boy is na-mohram once he is mature...but this is really not a problem for me...cos everyday in life when we talk/meet so many na-mohram so adopting a child should not be a issue...
I'm sorry to be the mullah in here but there are some rules regarding adoption in Islam that we need to observe, though not many of us do. This is just a FYI post and i feel not many of us know about these rules.
- The concept of adoption in Islam is like that of a foster parent / child.
- If a boy is adopted, he becomes na-mehram to the foster mother when he comes of age, i.e. he will have to adopt a relationship with her like he has with all other na-mehram women.
- Similarly if a girl is adopted, she becomes na-mehram to the foster father when she comes of age.
- A foster parent can not pass on his/her family name or surname to the adopted child. It is very important for the adopted child to keep his/her family name (if known) to protect his/her identity and due to other legalities that may arise later on.
- The idea is for the foster parent to raise the orphan, pay for his/her education, living expenses and and all such expenses and troubles that an actual parent would undertake.. without actually assuming the role of an actual mother or father.
Some might argue that these rules are strict and inhumane as they can
- Prevent a couple without children to truly experience the love a parent has for its child.
- Prevent an orphan from truly experiencing the love of a mother or a father.
The answer to this is that if you subscribe to the teachings of Islam it is understood that you do believe in the Day of Resurrection. The parents without a child and the orphan without a parent have no doubt great difficulty in this life but there are however great unimaginable rewards for them in the Life Hereafter.
This is my understanding of the rules, please correct me if i am wrong. Allah knows best.
*I actually brought up this topic because I plan on being a foster parent to several non-biological children (inshAllah). It doesn't matter whether I can have any biological children or not, but its a sense of taking care of the orphans in our Muslim society. Due to US legalities, that would mean adoption. *
"There are two main kinds of adoption. The first one denotes that a person adopts a child whose parents are well known but he intends to name the child after him. such kind of adoption is categorically forbidden in Islam. The story of Zayd Ibn Harithah, may Allah be pleased with him, is a clear example in this respect. Allah Almighty says: "Proclaim their real parentage. That will be more equitable in the sight of Allah. And if ye know not their fathers, then (they are) your brethren in the faith, and your clients. And there is no sin for you in the mistakes that ye make unintentionally, but what your hearts purpose (that will be a sin for you). Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (Al-Ahzaab: 4)
The second kind of adoption, which is strongly recommended in Islam, includes that a person raises a boy or a girl and takes care of him or her as a real father or mother would do to their child, while keeping in mind that the child should be named after his/her biological parents. Islam urges people to follow such a trend in order to spare the homeless or orphan children the problems of vagrancy and lack of nurture. It is a kind of cooperation in that which is good and righteous.”