My friends were supposed to get their baby in 2 weeks. The biological mom had gone through 14 other parents before deciding on my friends.
The biological mom is 21 and has 2 other kids and was firm in that she did not want, nor could afford another child. Based on her background, the adoption seemed like a sure thing.
I helped my friend set up the nursery, buy the plane tickets, baby bottles, diapers - everything!! They were so excited! They bought the crib, pack n play, stroller, car seat etc!
But it turns out, the dad (biological) won’t sign off on the adoption. He isn’t really planning on taking care of the child, and has not even tried to be involved so far, but he just doesn’t want the biological mom to be able to get on with her life. She is trying to finish school and is having a hard enough time with just 2 kids. According to the adoption coordinator - the dad isn’t really even interested in meeting his kid afterward!
My friends are DEVASTATED and heart-broken!
I just can’t fathom how this dad could stop this adoption, and then not even want anything to do with his child??
Many hugs to the disappointed parents-to-be. Its such a tough thing to suffer such a loss. And this may sound easy to say but I've been thru loss twice so I can say it from the heart - and thats when you suffer such loss and disappointment, it makes to good times and the successes all that much sweeter.
I feel so bad, and wish I could do something to help! I almost wonder if I should stay away since seeing me right now might make things worse?? (Since I helped them get ready for the baby, and seeing me might remind them of their loss even more?)
quick question, what is their background and where are they?
I can relate to what they are goign through because the baby we were planning to adopt was refused pretty much last minute and for all the wrong reasons as we later found out. I only had to deal with it for a half a day at most since luckily we found two gorgeous pidoos that very day so that helped.
...oh and what can you do tp help..
hope and encouragement.
diff ppl have diff styles on how they like to be comforted, so be there for them in whichever way is their preference.
You know I felt kind of like a lepper when I had my miscarriages...people avoided me and I do realize that they were being kind, that they didnt want to make things worse for me and all. But it would have been lovely to have someone over, maybe come with tea and a big hug. Maybe you can stop by her place for a visit. Or take her out for a manicure or a movie - something for just the gals to do. Tell her how sorry you are, thats all that needs to be said and just your supportive company will do more for her than you can ever know.
that is devastating! i'm very sorry for your friends, ziya... i think you should continue to be a good friend to them and be there for them and help them through this time.
you need to shout at your friend! Adoption is never an easy process. There is too much attachment / emotions involved.
How can she go ahead and setup the nursery when the adoption process was not even final?
How can you buy tickets when your friend had not even signed up the papers yet?
I know emotional attachment plays an important role in making one stupid, and it can get you do all weird stuff, but no one should believe the baby is theirs until ALL has been cleared up so they can now own the baby... hello? common sense?
i am sure it means that it was best for them. it is very hard to take care of the adopted child. i am sure ALLAHTALA saved them from problems in future.
but i can understand how devastated they must be feeling. i hope that they get better soon.
you need to shout at your friend! Adoption is never an easy process. There is too much attachment / emotions involved.
How can she go ahead and setup the nursery when the adoption process was not even final?
How can you buy tickets when your friend had not even signed up the papers yet?
I know emotional attachment plays an important role in making one stupid, and it can get you do all weird stuff, but no one should believe the baby is theirs until ALL has been cleared up so they can now own the baby... hello? common sense?
Hi MJMasti,
They had to get tickets etc because they were supposed to fly out this week since the birth mother wanted them there for the delivery and the baby is due at the end of this week. They got the nursery ready because they wanted to make sure that they would be able to spend time with the baby when it got home rather than trying to put together the room.
They only started getting things ready last week, so really, only like a week or two before. Which isn't all that early since it takes a while to get every thing ready.
And as far as the process goes, even if everything went well, they wouldn't have legally been parents to the child until 6 months after the baby was born. (According to Illinois adoption laws). So it really would have been impossible to for them to not prepare at all.
*For those who have adopted, or have friends/family who did - when did you guys start getting ready for the baby? Did you wait until the baby arrived? What are the laws in other states? *
Thank you so much for everyone's support and kind words!!