Adopting a Child - A taboo?

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@muqawwee123

Is it a taboo in our part of the world?

In most cases, married people adopt a child after many years of their marriage. In most cases, children are adopted from family (behn bhai ki aulad you know). I don’t know for sure and I might be wrong, but it seems adoption of unknown children (like those who were put in jhoolas outside Edhi center) is still a big no for the couples who want to adopt a child.

I will preface this by sharing again that my children are adopted. After my wife and I lost our twins she had medical complications essentially severely limiting our chances of having kids. In evaluating the decision to adopt, we (myself, parents and uncle/aunt) spoke with Mrs Edhi, the imam of Kaaba, several scholars on various topics.

Two separate but interesting questions in this thread.

#1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) is adoption taboo
#2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) why?

I think #2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) has completely incorrect and half baked reasons. Inheritance and mehram arguments are used as a reason but those are conditions that have to be managed for, not reasons to not be able to raise a child on your home (regardless of what term is used for that arrangement). The one thing needed is to not claim biological lineage, which was determined by name back then.

So let’s talk about #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) first.

It’s taboo but not for all the reasons you hear. It’s taboo because of “log kya kahain gaye”

At edhi centers, there is a waiting list of people looking for a child. Not just a child but a new born and preferable a boy.

So… What is the difference. Why is it that there is a waiting lost for newborns and older kids have no one to take them? It’s because ppl pass the newborns as their biological children? Partially because infertility for men or women is something to be ashamed of in the culture, as if the individual chose that condition. I know my wife was made to feel that way and statements were made to her that had I been there some lady would have walked away with a broken jaw.

Secondly because of how a child known to be an abandoned child will be treated. There is a member on GS who was adopted, she shared that once the word got out that she was an abandoned child adopted by the couple, the broader family, neighbours and even servants in the household treated her poorly.

Just remember..

The societal taboos have zero to do with religion. People are adopting new borns to a level that there is a 6-12 month wait for ppl, but 2 year olds are not wanted anywhere close to that level. Think about it..