Would you marry (if u were brought up in the US/UK) to someone who was taught in the urdu medium schools? Lets say she/he understands/speaks a lil english but her/his main tongue is urdu. However, can that person socialise with your western friends?
I think its a lil hard for a person who prefers to speak Urdu than English can really mingle with Goray? Can they go out alone to buy/communicate with other people from other societes? Can a person adjust to the outside Pakistan living if they never been to the west? I think if Pakistanis who havnt got a strong grasp of the English language, they are not going to be able to find a good job.. they are most likely to end up driving taxis, working in Wal-mart/Tesco?
it’s not at all about urdo/engligh/medim school… its about mentality!!
Without this you can never truly succeed any where in life. You have to go in with an open mind, and be able to adjust to change. I would never recommend people from such different worlds getting arraigned married, but love is very different! With arraigned, you never fully know eachother, until after shaadi and in these type of cases its never a good idea to take a chance.
And yes it will be hard but there are much harder things in the world thenn just adjusting! You don’t have to adjust to everything but justt to the commen things you’ll be running into! Like driving and all!
And those people that your talking about, who end up working at toco bell( love the foood) come with the wrong mentality!! They think its gonna be like the dramas, but living here most people don’t have cleaners/cooks/ and soo on!!! So life is in some means kinda harder!
You hit the nail on the head Gaia! It is indeed all about mentality! You have to kind of know the intentions the person. In an arranged environment its never going to be found out. You will hear all the wonderful things about that person.. they are good match for you, they are good looking, they will make you happy. But it is actually after marriage that the problems develop. They may have a different perpective on life. Things they want to do. It can lead to couples falling out and not having a successful future.
I think lets say you marry some one from Pakistan. They seem to speak ok english.. actually lets say barely! And you want to invite friends/work collegues over to your house. One should feel comfortable enough to be able think that the wife will get on with them! You wont worry she is feeling awkward or left out. She does not mingle as you want. You understand what i am saying.. the language barrier! lol If you going to live in the UK/US then having a wife/husband that learnt the english language from the beginning is a better suited than someone you spoke and read urdu/punjabi all there lives. Also, if lets say you want her to work, going for an interview for an office job is going to be more easy if you can communicate well in english!
so long as partners understand each other why should this matter?
as for the career thing. i guess that depends, if you rather marry an ambitious person than yea i guess it would matter.
sorry for derailing your thread but I just love ur nick MCLOVIN...say, are you from hawaii? hahahhahaa (if you got the nick from the same source as I think you will understand) lol peace
sorry for derailing your thread but I just love ur nick MCLOVIN...say, are you from hawaii? hahahhahaa (if you got the nick from the same source as I think you will understand) lol peace
Haha! Yeh u got it ash! I am from Hawaii.. Do u like my orange shirt n oval glasses! lol
McLovin, from what i understand you want your wife mingling like a western raised girl, and you want a career woman.
If thats what you want than make sure the girl you bring home is a career woman in pakistan and knows english.
If you are bringing an urdu medium girl who has never worked in pakistan then changing her would be hard. It will also be Zulm on her. She wont be happy with you for trying to change her so drastically, its going to be very hard for her. She'll be constantly under pressure to change, it wont be a happy marriage. She's going to be in a new country, english will be foreign to her, culture shock, husbands pressure to change her, husbands pressure to get a job, housework, no family of her own for support.
It'll be all too much.
So, they will eventually adjust, but it will take years.
Exactly dude! I don't want to change a person at all, the point of loving someone or marrying someone is you love them for who they are and not want you want from them. I agree with everything you said djmi! I once upon a time thought about marrying a urdu medium girl, whom I had feeling for, but decided that since she was all that you talked about.. A more traditional/home-orientated woman I felt that in the long run It will mean too many difficulties.
I am personally, completely grossed out at ABCDEFGI's (read BBCD). I hate defensers with a passion. Don't get me wrong, they party well but settle badly. Most are so deeply and subconsiously complexed that they are unable to integrate into other indiginous pops ad stick to their own.
I was therefore thinking that an freshie was the way to go.
However, that was before I realised I'd have to say goodbye to the denim mini.
There are problems with everyone. Only I am perfect.
im a pakistani living in melbourne and would hate to mingle in with goras. thank god my husband was a true blue lahori also.
we are running our own business here and have to talk to goraz in majboori but socially hanging out with them is a big NO NO from my side.
im a pakistani living in melbourne and would hate to mingle in with goras. thank god my husband was a true blue lahori also.
we are running our own business here and have to talk to goraz in majboori but socially hanging out with them is a big NO NO from my side.
Wow! It doesnt seem like you like the goraz where you live? I guess it is to do with their mentality as well? yeh? I guess you got the more racist ones or the ones that you cant really spend time with?
I think in the future, if you have many people (family/friends) that can get acustomed to them then that is going to be a perfect fit. You hear that its all about you and your wife thats it! You should worry about what people say, she will adjust etc etc. but think about it after some time if you do not have the environment to get involved within the western society or girls from the west then its going to be hard to adjust in a western environment. For example, lets say you speak english mainly then having a wife that speak more urdu is going to adjust but is going to take a back seat and listen instead of inputting.. (i hope people know what I mean).. you can probably apply this to many situations.
im a pakistani living in melbourne and would hate to mingle in with goras. thank god my husband was a true blue lahori also.
we are running our own business here and have to talk to goraz in majboori but socially hanging out with them is a big NO NO from my side.
You sound just like the British Raj wale but in blackface. Get over your prejudice or get out of the country and back to desiland.
im a pakistani living in melbourne and would hate to mingle in with goras. thank god my husband was a true blue lahori also.
we are running our own business here and have to talk to goraz in majboori but socially hanging out with them is a big NO NO from my side.
What a sorry and sad attitude Cherry! You are severely limiting yourself here. Us goris are nice and decent people for the most part. And we are "people of the book" - no excuse to call us a "no-no" to know and socialize with/even according to the Koran. No one will force you (or even care) if you drink or do not drink alcohol if thats your worry. Its no big deal for us personally but we surely understand that its a big no-no for you and thats just fine.
I dont get it when people move to a country with a completely different culture and then isolate themselves to this extent. We could surely learn from each other, share ideas, beleifs, customs and each enrich the lives of the other.
Yet when you think you're livving in a land of infidels or heathens....why live there at all? You earn your money outta them but refuse to associate with them other than to take money from them? How do you think they view you???
^
You are very right in pointing out the us vs them attitude of some Pakistanis living in western countries. I have seen Pakistanis from my work throwing big lavish parties but only inviting other Pakistanis colleagues, yet when a white guy got married he invited everyone. Its just crazy and I do not get what they achieve from alienating themselves like that.
My husband grew up in Karachi, is a fluent Urdu/Pastun speaker and yes can also speak english and studied there until moving here to (to the UK) a decision we carefully considered...I quite like Karachi so maybe one day we'll live over there.
My husband works in a company that has a mixture of ethnic groups. He has no problems mingling with a mixture of people, hes far from racist-afterall our greataunt is what some folk call "gorey" to me shes my greataunt, we just don't look the same. The same Allah will judge us both so I'm far from superior to her. That's my humble opinion.
My other half is also furthering his education and often meets up with his friends outside the classroom, none of those guys are of asian origin and it doesn't create a problem for him.
I must say I agree with other posters who mentioned it is about someones mentality more than where they studied/what they studied/what language they speak. Racism/discrimination is also about mentality and what we think, rather than what we know-we don't like being isolated for being "pakis" so why isolate and judge other folk?
im a pakistani living in melbourne and would hate to mingle in with goras. thank god my husband was a true blue lahori also.
we are running our own business here and have to talk to goraz in majboori but socially hanging out with them is a big NO NO from my side.
Ohh perfect example, this was the mentality I was talking about. After 20 years let us know how well you really succeeded, living in Melbourne!
I truly am amused by people like this, for they use all the luxury of a non-thirdworld country, yet have no care for the land and people who provide them with such luxury.
Cherry honey you and your hubby need to go back to lahore, and live a happy life, so you guys don't have to deal with the whole "majboori" deal!:)
OHHHH, and I almost forgot to add, if people are racists towards you, don't blame them, blame yourself:biggthumb!
love the foood) come with the wrong mentality!! They think its gonna be like the dramas, but living here most people don’t have cleaners/cooks/ and soo on!!! So life is in some means kinda harder!