Does facebook represent the true personality and character of a person? I wonder a person will mention that he drinks and sleeps around on his facebook account. People usually put up a good face on their facebook and you can't get to know much about them through facebook. But you might get to know how a person is with her friends, how he interact with him/ her etc but this doesn't be the main factor in deciding whether to marry a person or not. Afterall, people used to get married to each other when there was no facebook.
But you never know. You might get to know something from a person's facebook. I am not sure.
It's mostly the other way round. Most people put their whole lives onto it, even if it is bad; just so they can look good in front of their friends. And....sometimes they aren't even like that in real life, to the point you start thinking those people have a split personality disorder.
Oh....and when family views the profile....LOL.
As for the OP, well I think I have to agree with the thinking that if you do not add him, then he will think you have something to hide.
I don't have anything inappropriate on my fb and DO know about limited profiles. I'm just really against it. Like everyone knows when they're on limited and putting someone on limited makes you look more shady than if you never added them to begin with.
The only reason I'm hesitating is because things aren't finalized yet and I want to make sure that we don't get too attached. It's so much easier to stalk someone on fb than it is to email them since one is passive and the other isn't. If we were staring at each other's profiles all day neither one of us would know but we're limited to how many times its approp to email each other. And some of my friends are really dumb and have dumb jokes that have back stories that he won't understand and I'd rather there not be misunderstandings...
I would never add a potential on there... there are too many variables on FB that are beyond your control (i.e. what ur friends post, what ur friends tag you in etc) when there are so many variables that are beyond your control...things have the potential to get messy and even if it is just minute potential it would still be enough to make me uncomfortable to add a potential on my FB... I would add him once he is my hubby...but until then...no way
I don't have anything inappropriate on my fb and DO know about limited profiles. I'm just really against it. Like everyone knows when they're on limited and putting someone on limited makes you look more shady than if you never added them to begin with.
The only reason I'm hesitating is because things aren't finalized yet and I want to make sure that we don't get too attached. It's so much easier to stalk someone on fb than it is to email them since one is passive and the other isn't. If we were staring at each other's profiles all day neither one of us would know but we're limited to how many times its approp to email each other. And some of my friends are really dumb and have dumb jokes that have back stories that he won't understand and I'd rather there not be misunderstandings...
you're not wrong to expect that... but the reality is others do not always follow ur expectations...IMO its better to avoid a potential misunderstanding than to have to explain every little thing... the rest is upto her but its just my personal opinion that even if you have nothing to hide you should not be adding a potential to your facebook...there are just way too many unknowns way too many avenues for a misunderstanding to arise and then there is also the fact that i wouldnt add a potential simply because there is a chance the rishta wont work out and i wouldnt want to go through the process of adding a potential and then deleting them every time a rishta doesnt work out...
Am I the only one that expects others to not question or make fun of what my friends post/tag me in or question my friends?
No I used to expect that too and I don't question what other ppl post, but I've realized that OTHER people do. And considering my friends make fun of me all the time with stuf that isn't exactly th emost appropriate, I don't want him to think that there's something shady goign on. or have to explain myself.
you're not wrong to expect that... but the reality is others do not always follow ur expectations...IMO its better to avoid a potential misunderstanding than to have to explain every little thing... the rest is upto her but its just my personal opinion that even if you have nothing to hide you should not be adding a potential to your facebook...there are just way too many unknowns way too many avenues for a misunderstanding to arise and then there is also the fact tha*t i wouldnt add a potential simply because there is a chance the rishta wont work out and i wouldnt want to go through the process of adding a potential and then deleting them every time a rishta doesnt work out*...
yes, that also concerns me too. and i dont want to have to check my fb every 10 mins to make sure someone didnt' post something questionable.
I understand what you guys are saying....but I find it one of the unspoken rules of facebook, that you don't comment on someone else's friends esp when you don't know each other...but i guess its just me...
ive been on the receiving end of misunderstanding created by what my friend wrote on my wall or a picture of one of my gori clasmate drinking in which she tagged me even though I wasnt in the picture or even if I was in the picture but had a glass of water in my hand, ive also been on the receiving end of comments due to what i posted on facebook...i had gone to a circus type thing once and they were handing out "red noses" I came home put that red nose on and took pictures of myself, cuz im kinda loony and do strange things like that... I was stupid enough to post those pictures on facebook thinking everyone would get a kick out of it... I ended up having to make that album private because of the nasty comments I received (ive to this day not figured out whats wrong with a picture in which i am wearing a red clown nose - is it some kinda sin? does it say something about my moral values? i dont think i will ever understand it) ...unfortunately not every one has your mentality Sara...I think that's tragic but its the way it is
I think it's kinda funny when people get careless with their FB profiles.....when they present a certain image in their desi social circles and for rishta images...and then online you find out about their drinking and other habits. But even with situations like infidelity...it's amazing (n sorta funny) how people do a shoddy job with covering their tracks, lol.
Don't use FB...don't have the energy for the drama or the upkeep.
ive been on the receiving end of misunderstanding created by what my friend wrote on my wall or a picture of one of my gori clasmate drinking in which she tagged me even though I wasnt in the picture or even if I was in the picture but had a glass of water in my hand, ive also been on the receiving end of comments due to what i posted on facebook...i had gone to a circus type thing once and they were handing out "red noses" I came home put that red nose on and took pictures of myself, cuz im kinda loony and do strange things like that... I was stupid enough to post those pictures on facebook thinking everyone would get a kick out of it... I ended up having to make that album private because of the nasty comments I received (ive to this day not figured out whats wrong with a picture in which i am wearing a red clown nose - is it some kinda sin? does it say something about my moral values? i dont think i will ever understand it) ...unfortunately not every one has your mentality Sara...I think that's tragic but its the way it is
lol WHAT? Nasty comments on a red clown nose????? I have to see this...l
Once I posted a status and a friend commented on it.....and someone commented on their comment, like making fun of them....not as bad as your example, but I thought it was a pretty weird thing to say/do...I ended up deleting the whole post any ways..
oh speaking of deleting...apparently deleting comments/statuses pisses people off so mcuh...for some reason... :D
yeah those types of things have happened to me too. what I'm more worried about is that my friends have always paired some really awkward guy friend of mine (usually gay) with me and then will like make comments about it. Everyone that goes to school with us or knows the guys knows that its ridiculous and would never happen but I don't want this guy to get the wrong idea. It's really hard to explain why people are writing "___ + ___ = <3" and even more difficult to explain why I chose to delete that comment instead of leaving it up there if it wasn't true. And I kinda really don't like the idea of a potential having access to my pictures...and like I said before, putting ppl on limited makes one more suspicious.
I would never add a potential on there... there are too many variables on FB that are beyond your control (i.e. what ur friends post, what ur friends tag you in etc) when there are so many variables that are beyond your control...things have the potential to get messy and even if it is just minute potential it would still be enough to make me uncomfortable to add a potential on my FB... I would add him once he is my hubby...but until then...no way
Now you can control tagging problem with new facebook settings........ in new settings you can approve post in which you are tagged.
ive been on the receiving end of misunderstanding created by what my friend wrote on my wall or a picture of one of my gori clasmate drinking in which she tagged me even though I wasnt in the picture or even if I was in the picture but had a glass of water in my hand, ive also been on the receiving end of comments due to what i posted on facebook...i had gone to a circus type thing once and they were handing out "red noses" I came home put that red nose on and took pictures of myself, cuz im kinda loony and do strange things like that... I was stupid enough to post those pictures on facebook thinking everyone would get a kick out of it... I ended up having to make that album private because of the nasty comments I received (ive to this day not figured out whats wrong with a picture in which i am wearing a red clown nose - is it some kinda sin? does it say something about my moral values? i dont think i will ever understand it) ...unfortunately not every one has your mentality Sara...I think that's tragic but its the way it is
I want to see that pic too.... why people gave nasty comments on that pic :p
but to OP..... if you don't add him he would get suspicious why you are not adding him. If you add hi to limited profile... still it is suspicious for people. So rite now tell him that you don't use fb regularly.......... then when things get finalized you can add him.....
currently in the process of talking to someone, we're pretty good friends at this point. He keeps asking to be my fb friend...I don't know why! I've told him I'd rather wait until things progress further.
what do you all think? am i making a big deal?
if you guys are good friends already then there should be no reason for not adding him as your fb friend. Doesnt it indicate that you got something in your profile that you want to hide from him?
I understand what you guys are saying....but I find it one of the unspoken rules of facebook, that you don't comment on someone else's friends esp when you don't know each other...but i guess its just me...
I agree with you Sara.
But I've seen two issues arise.
1. There are some people who just don't have a lot of tact and will comment on everything, eventho they barely know you, and will sometimes make awkward comments. But those are not that common.
2. The issue that's becoming more common is the older generation and the less internet-savvy generation starting to post now on FB. First, they take things very literally, and because their sense of humor is different from ours, they just don't get the stuff that isn't serious. Second, they assume that anything that comes up on their newsfeed is MEANT FOR THEM, and so comment as if you've put this photo or whatever up for them to look at. Third, they don't get the cues and clues available on a typical FB page to help them make sense of what they're looking at, and often their comments end up being awkward or inappropriate or targeted toward people they don't know, or whatever.
Anyway, none of the above I think actually affects the OP's question. Personally I would add him. If you want to put him on limited profile, go ahead, BUT MAKE SURE IT IS NOT OBVIOUS. Leave the Wall open or something, so that he can easily contact you, wish you happy birthday, etc. Otherwise feelings may be hurt.
I would add him.. If you're unsure or don't know whether to trust him prob best to wait or leave it for now tho..
I do think ppl tend to show a lot more of their personalities on there than they do to family, aunties etc. I think with the majority of ppl even if they were quite 'guarded' you'd prob still get a pretty clear idea from seeing the ppl they hang around with, where and who they get tagged with and so on. I would become friends with other ppl around him as well if possible if it doesn't make you look like a weirdo or too stalkerish.. They can't all be part of a conspiracy to try and make him look like something he's not :D
I think I'm going to wait. He's friends with my older brother on fb so I can always see wahtever I want from his fb and I'm friends with his older sister so he can see wahtever he wants from her fb.Other than trying to figure out what the person is like, I think fb is just going to cause more problems. Some of my friends on fb don't have good filters or the brains to know that they shouldn't post certain things online (just right now a friend of mine posted something about this professor we all thought was hot even though she knows he's friends w/ me on fb and can see everything she's writing).