My mother is really abusive she’s always screaming yelling etc. Can someone plz tell me what to do.
I ignore her but she’s always arguing on things. She’s not a loving mother the way a mother should be.
Re: Abusive mother
Learn to master your emotions and don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad. People make you feel bad only if you allow them to. Can you sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her how it makes you feel and hear her out as to what is bothering her. Maybe she has hurts and unresolved issues. What kind of stuff does she get mad about, house work n stuff, studies etc?
Have you considered moving out on your own?
Re: Abusive mother
Moving out will provide you with some relief, but it won’t get to the root of the problem. No matter what corner of the earth you escape to, she will always be your mother. When parents are mad at their kids, they fail to see any good in them. Similarly, when kids are angry at their parents they fail to see the favors abd sacrifices their parents have made, they don’t remember the good times. It’s human nature. To cut some of the edge off the resentment you feel toward your mom, reflect over the times when she was there for you, when she sacrificed her own needs to take care of you, etc. That way, you won’t have this all black or white image of your mom as it isn’t healthy.
As suggested above, you can try to talk to her one-on-one. If that hasn’t worked…Are other members of the family also concerned about mom’s behavior…such as siblings, your dad, etc? If so, you ALL can sit down during a good time and try talking to her gently about the effects of her words. Or you can try to get your dad to talk to her. If the above hasn’t helped then maybe enlist the help of an extended family member such as a nani or aunt etc.
Also, what are her concerns with you? Is it something you’re doing or perhaps failing to do that is upsetting her? For instance, maybe she’s tired and wants more help around the house. If you know there are things that you can fix on your end, it may alleviate the tension.
Our parents are from a different generation. Sometimes people can be set in their ways. When you see that you can’t change a person…and if distancing yourself from them is not entirely possible…then you have to change the way you react or respond to them. You have to will yourself to let some thongs go in one ear and out the other.
Arguin back with your mother will usually escalate the situation. It can lead to grudges on both ends as u both mentally replay the hurtful words that were said to each other. As hard as it avoid arguing with her and be kind to her. As difficult as she may be, you’re still a part of her flesh and blood…she’s likely not your enemy.
Re: Abusive mother
It would certainly help to try and find out the underlying cause of her anger, which more often than not, is usually frustration at something or someone.
What is your father’s role in this? Is he in the picture?
Re: Abusive mother
thanks everyone for ur advices. I really appreciated it. I will try my best and talk to my mom and work things out.
My father is no longer here he’s gone and will never come back because he is gone forever.
Re: Abusive mother
Hey being a mother now tell u what i scream on my kids and take out my anger on them because i have no other option when am stressed later i feel really bad abt it …try to take care of her show her ur love help her in house chores…if there r financial issues try to help her in them…u guys (children) are her only support don’t become a burden on her instead become her support! Also try to give her some rest from all the tensions of life…
Re: Abusive mother
If she become like this after your dad was gone, she might be depressed or has some other emotional issues thus taking out on kids
If she has been like this ever since she was your mum , then it could be her nature and she won’t be changing thus you guys will have to accept her as she is
Re: Abusive mother
your mom is lonely,she is going through a crisis, I think… its her way of dealing with frustration…you need to be patient and have to understand her situation.
Re: Abusive mother
As Donald said, “Don’t do it,” there is nothing more destructive for children then yelling, screaming and put downs. You build your loved ones up, not destroy them..yelling is destroying them, kids of yellers become yellers. I have relationship goals with my wife and kids and I keep those goals insight in all my dealings with them and even though I feel angry sometimes I dont yell as I know by destroying them I wont get to my goal of having nurtured, happy fulfilled happy children. I also want a wife who will love me forever and that is why I have to be nice to her. Love and fear don’t live in the same place.
Monitoring your self talk is crucial in life.
Re: Abusive mother
Where on earth does DONALD TRUMP come in on this topic.
Re: Abusive mother
Haha…when Donald was asked about his followers abusing minorities his answer was short n sweet, he just said, “Don’t do it.” When I hear about parents abusing children, I say don’t do it
My wife was doing the same thing and I had to sit down with her and tell her how damaging it is for children and that she will destroy her relationship with them and children will not want to be around her. She finally understood and children have a great bond with her and she is basking in their love.
Re: Abusive mother
In “bad moms” movie also the coach says the same thing.
Re: Abusive mother
Mothers used to be very calm and polite creatures until they had children. So if shes screaming and yelling, there should be a reason. She may be from an era where things were different and she has a hard time letting you move in this fast paced world. Or she may be over worked. Mothers from previous generations loved to overwork chores and exhaust to the point where they even tend to compromise relationships[Why are these socks here ,i just finished cleaning that kind of thing]. They werent taught to take care of themselves, I see that as a problem as well. Taking care of others tend to take a toll on them and they behave the way they do because they feel less taken care of.
But whatever the case try to understand her position. She may just not be screaming or yelling. Try to focus on the words she says rather than the tone. Understand her message and help her out with her tone.
Re: Abusive mother
She’s never going to stop this. I think i should move in with my sister.
Re: Abusive mother
Doesn’t sound like a bad idea if you’ve talked to your sister already and she’s on board. It’s important to respect your parents but it should not be at the cost of your own sanity.
Re: Abusive mother
I am guessing because your mum is lonely, she takes out all her frustrations on you. Try talking to her, getting married or moving out just because your mum is currently hard to live with is not an excuse. PLEASE dont get married just to leave home…its a stupid desi solution to all problems. talk to her, explain it to her. give her time and just stay quiet. shes your mum forever afterall, so you just have to bear it silently - unfortunately lol.
Re: Abusive mother
If your sister is ok with you moving in with her, then do it. Don’t wait for other people to change their behavior to suit your needs. Take control of your life and make choices to live in a home where you’re not being abused and/or disrespected in any way.