**In a way I want to get so busy that I don’t remember anything else. I want to forget how lame, boring, and pathetic my life is. I wait here like some dog wanting a bone, and I only do it because I want some human contact. On the other hand, I have become so lazy, tired, selfish, etc. that I don’t give a damn about what happens. I don’t want to think positive. It’s depressing to me when I think about myself. Who cares about K..? I don’t talk much about myself because it’s useless. Who can help me, but myself? And what happens when I don’t care about myself as I do now? Although my behen jaan has taught me that people don’t care… you have to bring changes yourself, but I still don’t want to do it.
I guess I’m kind of scared about what will happen after I get off these depression pills. The only reason I’m so giddy and happy from the outside is because of these stupid pills. The entire purpose of this stuff is pointless. I don’t want to become dependent on them.
Reading back on what I just wrote makes me PUKE! BLEH! This is how much I don’t like me. It disgusts me that I complain about my life. I’m completely bored of it:bummer:. I don’t know what I should do… whatever it is, I better do it quick.
**
