is it fixed or not ? because sometimes you try alot but you don’t get the result & on the other hand people with zero effort are getting married. why this is so? is it entirely on qismat because if it has to do something with your efforts & hard work then people who are trying should havve gotten married by now ?
Re: About Marriage
They say the pens have been lifted and the ink has been dried. Believe that's a loosely translates verse from the Quraan. However, the power of duas can alter what's been written. Also they say tether your camel before you put your trust in God. Therefore you should be doing everything in your power if you want to attain something and then not forget to put your trust in Him.
So to answer your question, a bit of both??
Re: About Marriage
Re: About Marriage
They say the pens have been lifted and the ink has been dried. Believe that's a loosely translates verse from the Quraan. However, the power of duas can alter what's been written. Also they say tether your camel before you put your trust in God. Therefore you should be doing everything in your power if you want to attain something and then not forget to put your trust in Him.
So to answer your question, a bit of both??
But I have seen some people who don't even lift their fingers & get everything on their doorstpe, why is it so, are some people special? on the contrary, people who have been trying like hell day & night gets nothing, so what it implies that whatever is written in your qismat will come your way no matter what instead you go after it.
Allah ne saare kaam apni marzi se hi karne he, insaan jo marzi karta phiray :( . yeah I know now people will se har kaam mein Allah ki behtari hoti he laikin kisi k bura hone mein us ki behtari kaisi ho sakti he :(
Re: About Marriage
But I have seen some people who don't even lift their fingers & get everything on their doorstpe, why is it so, are some people special? on the contrary, people who have been trying like hell day & night gets nothing, so what it implies that whatever is written in your qismat will come your way no matter what instead you go after it. Allah ne saare kaam apni marzi se hi karne he, insaan jo marzi karta phiray :( . yeah I know now people will se har kaam mein Allah ki behtari hoti he laikin kisi k bura hone mein us ki behtari kaisi ho sakti he :(
We're all tested differently. Do not take a delay in something you want to have happen as a bad thing. Sometimes a delay of something good results in something better.
Would you prefer to get married right this minute, and have a less than devoted spouse? Or would you put your faith in Allah, do your best to find a suitable mate, but know in your heart that perhaps Allah has delayed this, and you may end up with the best woman who will become a reason for blessings for you and your children.
Don't despair my friend. Don't abandon hope in Allah.
Don't envy others or have doubts in your heart if others have more than you. Perhaps their excesses may become a burden for them, while your lack of provision may become a source of blessing for you. Sometimes the less you have is better than having more. And vice versa. The ultimate reward, and end result is what you really want.
Ask yourself this, can you be absolutely sure of your future if things happened the way you want them to? Instead you can be sure what Allah has planned is better. The wait is already destined, why not make the best of it, and earn some reward by displaying patience and happiness with the situation. You get rewarded double. 1, for keeping strong and doing things to facilitate your need, and 2. for being thankful to Allah even if things aren't as you want. :)
Re: About Marriage
it is fixed
but we can also try
Re: About Marriage
What I don't get is that if marriage is fixed & the wait is destined too then why bother trying to begin with. ?
Re: About Marriage
Because the reward/Ajr is in the effort.
Re: About Marriage
When you're in the trenches and see other people getting married before you, then it does feel like, why should I bother? I think that we must always ask Allah, because Allah listens to all our Duas and he may delay something that is best for you until you are ready for it. I think we have to keep striving, keep working hard because when you do inshallah receive the reward, it will be that much sweeter because it was hard won.
And who's to say that those that those who have married earlier do not have tests of their own? Nobody knows what goes on in a marriage except the people in it, so when you think, "Why them and not me?" ask Allah to bless you with a good, naik spouse who will be the coolness to your eyes and to your heart.
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What I don't get is that if marriage is fixed & the wait is destined too then why bother trying to begin with. ?
hmm, the food i just had was destined for me, but i still had to pick the bite up and put it in my mouth. Food would not fly into my mouth till i put some effort
Re: About Marriage
hmm, the food i just had was destined for me, but i still had to pick the bite up and put it in my mouth. Food would not fly into my mouth till i put some effort
what if you accidentally eat pork?
Re: About Marriage
I say good topic barfi. I think it's a bit of both between trying your best to find someone suitable and making dua. Yes.. it is true that our matters are fixed. Khair..i hope insha'Allah everyone is blessed with good spouse.
Re: About Marriage
is it fixed or not ? because sometimes you try alot but you don't get the result & on the other hand people with zero effort are getting married. why this is so? is it entirely on qismat because if it has to do something with your efforts & hard work then people who are trying should havve gotten married by now ?
Islamic belief is that ‘pata bhie nahi hilta Allah kee marzi kay bagair’ … then how can two people get married without will of Allah?
Anyhow, there is some wrong concept about marriage that if one do not understand than to know Islamic beliefs on the subject is impossible.
In Islam, marriage is not same as in other religion or culture. Islamic marriage is contract between two parties, that can be broken easily, where wife do not become part of family, unlike other religions where marriage is unbreakable life long bond and wife becomes family of husband (rather, part of husband’s extended family).
Since in Islam, contract is between two individuals (husband and wife), family members of husband and wife only become associates with restricted relationship. For instance, even brothers, brother-in-laws, uncles, cousins etc of husband are na-mahram for wife … and in same way sisters, sister-in-laws, aunties, cousins, etc of wife are na-mahram for husband.
As in any worldly partnerships, partnerships can break and can change over time, and in some cases one can have partnership with different individuals at same time. Same with marriage, as with time, this partnership could break (divorce) and can change with time (marriage after divorce). Similarly, one can have several partnerships at the same time (this applies to men only in marriage partnership, and the reason for that is nothing to do with partners but to do with safeguard of marriage output or safeguarding children’s identity).
So, concept of other religion that marriage is made in sky, does not stands in Islam. On the other hand, as we know that whatever we find in this world (wealth, knowledge, happiness, education, health, misery, accidents, children, power, etc), it comes when Allah wills, same can be said about marriage partnership, that it comes when Allah wills.
Allah can give anything to some without much effort, and some have to do a lot of effort to get even basics. That is true about marriage partnership too.
Re: About Marriage
Peace barfi,
Very nice topic indeed. You asked whether (1) is it fixed or not, (2) is it entirely on qismat or not and (3) on the other hand people with zero effort are getting married. why this is so? Before I start plz note that the 'marriage' is not only related to one thing but it is related to many others things too like you and the lady whom u'll going to marry, yours and her family members, your and her earnings, likes, dislike etc. These all factors chain to chain connected with each others and all have either positive or negative impacts on one another so we can't neglect it but need to understand it.
(1) Is it fixed or not?
Islamically, we should believe that everything related in our life is fixed. Fixed in sense that Almighty Allah knows everything; our past, present and future as proven by hadith in Sahih Bukhari. That also includes either we are going to marry or not? It doesn't mean we shall wait till our dream girl comes to us and says that I am your pair so lets get married. In our sense we shall take step by our own if we wants to get marry. We shall see the girl and approach her family about marriage. It proven from Hadith and Qur'an that one who can afford marriage shall get marry and shall choose a partner who is more religious then good-looking and/or rich as narrated in hadith, but to get marry, we must take step.
In all above, we should keep in our mind that Almighty Allah knows whom we'll approach, whom we'll going to marry and this is all fixed (pre written) in our life span and if there is any delay or we are not getting married then this is b'coz of our laziness and it has nothing to do whether is fixed / not fixed in our qismat or else.
(2) Is it entirely on qismat or not?
If I still sit at home and do struggles, make dua, give charity, read Nafli namaaz and make dua that "O my Lord! make me rich, make me successful businessman" then I am wasting my time just in thinking that one day, some miracle will be going to happen and I will wake-up as rich and sucesseful businessman. Such thought is entirely wrong. Beside my struggles, making dua, giving charity, reading nafli namaaz and making dua, I need to get out from my house and need to do some hard-working in various sector if I need to be rich. Being rich or a successful businessmen is entirely based on my own physcial stuggles same as my physcial sturuggles for in offering my religious rituals.
To make it more clearly, we do dua that Almighty Allah, one day will lead us to perform Hajj but beside ours religious struggles we don't make our Passport, we don't apply for hajj visa, we don't buy ticket, we don't save any money for Hajj ritual yet we just pray harder, do duas day and night, read namaaz etc., that Almighty Allah call us to perform hajj. <---** This is happen because of our unconscious mind and we are waiting for some kind or miracle that our passport, visa, ticket and money for hajj will automatically comes to our door step and we then perform Hajj. **
*(3) on the other hand people with zero effort are getting married. why this is so?
*
The assumption is wrong that peoples gets with zero effort. We don't live with those peoples 24/7 and we don't know under what circumstances they got whatever they have now and more importantly we even don't know whether they are saying truth or just lie to us that they got married with zero efforts.
Hope the above helpful to u :)
Re: About Marriage
so it is fixed & if it is fixed then why ALLAH gave us the option of istikhara before taking this important decision of our life, I mean if it is fixed then what is the need of doing istikhara & taking advice from ALLAH or it is just part of an effort too ?
Now what I really think is shakespeare is right that this world is a stage & we are just actors playing our roles... efforts & hard work changes nothing..... what will happen will happen no matter waht ......
:(
Re: About Marriage
Peace barfi,
My knowledge is limited and so far I haven't came across 'istikhara'. As far I remember I haven't read/heard where Almighty Allah ordered us to do 'istikhara'.
Like I said earlier fixed is in sense that only Almighty Allah knows about everything and thatdoesn't means one shall start think all about failure, unsuccessfulness, misery, grief or anything which leads towards negative thoughts which cause discouragement, preventing one's doing good act.
Why don't we think positively, say ourself or to the other by answering that 'oky, you have it...good...May Almighty Allah gives you more....but hay I don't have it so no worries...I'm good...healty...alive and still kicking.
Shakespeare may be right by saying that this world is a stage and we are just actors playing our roles, efforts and hardwork changes nothing...what will happen will happen no matter what...but have we understood it loud & clearly?
That the world is stage.
Oky I agree that this world is a stage
We are just actors playing our roles
Are we good actor or bad actor? Who will decide either we are good or bad actor? That will be decided when I finished playing my part of role. :) So what kind of role are we playing and for what? What is purpose of my role on this stage of the world?
Efforts and hardwork changes nothing
I got full 100 out of 100 marks in my math exams without any efforts and hardworking. WoW! how is that? b'coz no matter what will happen will happen so why waste a year studying math book.
Just pray that 'O' Almighty Allah, grant me that which is best in my interest and don't grant me that which astray me from your remembrance'.
I will pray for you that whatever u wish, if it is in ur fav then Almighty Allah grants it to u. Ameen.
Re: About Marriage
fixed but we have to struggle toget the results,
also Allah gives us rewards or benefits, no one else can
if a person has worked in a certain direction it is not a necessity that he might get the rewards from the same channel,
we may get the same thing somewhere else, so don't get disappointed.
hardwork is never wasted,
Re: About Marriage
istikhara is a dua done to get the best results
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Barfi, I'm not a scholar by any means. I'm just a girl who's in this situation, so I'll try my best to explain. Istikhara was not ordered to anyone, if it had been, wouldn't it have been in the Quran? As such, it is a prayer that has been advised through the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) to seek guidance from Allah regarding any matter, not just marriage. I've used the guidance prayer when deciding what uni to go to, whether to accept a job (I accepted it despite the negative result, which resulted in a lot of unhappiness and stress), and yes, to help select a life partner. So far, it's not given a positive result, but then sometimes 3 or 4 months down the line, I've received the reason why and I thank Allah each time from saving me from that situation. When you trust in Allah, you may not know the reason WHY you were not given that thing/person you so badly desired, but it's always for the best.
We as human beings have limited knowledge. We don't even know if we're going to be breathing from one second to the next, this is all through the grace of Allah. Therefore, if marriage is written in your destiny then inshallah you will surely receive it. No-one can stop you from this, just as your rizq is already written and you won't get any more or less than is written. That is not to say, as lethalkamikaze so eloquently said, that if we don't make an effort and beseech our lord then we won't receive it if it is written for us. We need to make Dua and also exert effort into striving for what we want.
It's like, if you want a career you don't just sit there and make Dua and expect a job to fall in your lap? We'd all be rich if this was the case! You make an effort to prepare a CV, land an interview, find out more about the company, prepare yourself by going through what questions they may ask and then doing your level best at the interview. After that, it's all down to what is written, but you MADE the effort first to seek out that job. It's the same when searching for a partner.
May Allah make the search easy for you inshallah.
Re: About Marriage
so its fixed agar naseeb mein hogi tu ho jayegi, people also say har aik cheez ka aik waqt hota he shayad abhi waqt nahi aya :p