Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
How can a person's education not define them? Yes, that's not all there is to see but it is definitely one of the most important thing to look at.
When you look for work, your education is what matters the most. I don't see how anyone can question a girl looking at the guy's education, everyone wants security and it starts with the guys secure job/work.
Exactly.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
I've noticed there are diff groups of friends:
1. The ones who are "concerned" about you being single and will incessantly ask when you're getting married, why you're still single, but won't do jack to help you get married.
The type who suggest guys for you who they would never consider themselves. And then if you reject their divorced or uneducated or immigrant or hideous friend/acquaintance- they get offended and thus never suggest a rishta for you.
The rare type- the ones who keep you in mind, want you to be with someone who is compatible, and don't get offended if you reject a rishta.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
So i was reading some thread...like western paki chics face too much problem finding the right guy, coz the guys are usually stupid and/or they go import a chic..
So, all the chics who face this problem, why don't you help each other out? Like set up your brothers with some chic similar to your background/views/outlook on life etc?
Like, your brothers are nice right? and then you see other girls facing rishta trouble, why don't you set people up that way??
this is a good idea and workable too.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
the major reason people are hesitant in introducing potential rishtas to others is the blame game and all the drama that begins if things go wrong.
i think if someone is putting an effort to find a rishta for you or trying to introduce you to someone you and your family should appreciate the efforts of that person even if things do not work out or goes wrong. the good intention of the person should not be forgotten and rather blamed if things go wrong. if we all keep this thing in our head then i am sure people would be more willing to help in this regard as they would not have the fear to be blamed if things doesn't work out.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
Mamzie , Pakistani educated men are actually way smarter. A bachelors from Pakistan is more meaningful than most bachelor degrees in the states. The American system equates them to associates to force people to go to school here - it's about the $$.
Otherwise skills of Pakistanis are actually pretty good.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
I had lots of girls ask me if there is anyone in my family but all my guy cousins live in Pakistan, and got married to girls they knew there from schooling mostly. Seems like the desis in Pakistan are more progressive about dating and finding partners. We have too many old fashioned ideas in the American families,** namely gender segregation, that causes trouble.**
If we are to blame women now for not setting up other women, maybe a fair point, but I blame the men. The women are not in charge of masjids, where some healthy intermingling of the sexes needs to be promoted so people can find spouses. We ask why we aren't set up with a friend's brother? I ask why my brothers in the community aren't interested in getting to know the girls who attend their own neighborhood mosques. I'm sure it would be easier to find spouses this way!
It's funny, most guys I talk to regularly go to the mosque, no one has a clue which women attend there, if there are any eligible girls as members of the mosque and don't know if the men they pray next to have sisters looking for husbands.
I've seen a handful of young guys at my mosque to this day no clue who they are!
This whole blame segregation thing might sound logical but the reality that I've seen around it is quite different. On a community level, the gatherings that are taking place are mostly non-segregated. So you have more people attending those types of gatherings. But you don't see people who attend them getting married sooner than those who attend only segregated ones. In fact it looks like the reverse happens more often. In fact, out of our community, I'd say those who are more strict about segregation are mostly all married. The people I know of who aren't married by now (out of the same age range etc.) are people who aren't into segregated events or aren't strict about them.
This does not stop people from getting married. It's more about networking than anything else. A lot of people will mention to the responsible people of the masjid that they're interested in getting married, so keep an eye out for someone suitable. Quite a few people I know of have been married in this manner.
the major reason people are hesitant in introducing potential rishtas to others is the blame game and all the drama that begins if things go wrong. i think if someone is putting an effort to find a rishta for you or trying to introduce you to someone you and your family should appreciate the efforts of that person even if things do not work out or goes wrong. the good intention of the person should not be forgotten and rather blamed if things go wrong. if we all keep this thing in our head then i am sure people would be more willing to help in this regard as they would not have the fear to be blamed if things doesn't work out.
Or perhaps they already know the said guy(s) wouldn't like their friend and or vice-versa.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
Mamzie , Pakistani educated men are actually way smarter. A bachelors from Pakistan is more meaningful than most bachelor degrees in the states. The American system equates them to associates to force people to go to school here - it's about the $$.
Otherwise skills of Pakistanis are actually pretty good.
I never questioned the smartness of Pakistanis, infact i would only agree with you on it. However unfortunately nobody would at least give you a start in your career/work based on solely your smartness, not in Pakistan not anywhere in the whole world.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
Mamzie , Pakistani educated men are actually way smarter. A bachelors from Pakistan is more meaningful than most bachelor degrees in the states. The American system equates them to associates to force people to go to school here - it's about the $$.
Otherwise skills of Pakistanis are actually pretty good.
I don't think she was implying that education in Pakistan is inferior or that qualifications from Pakistan are inferior to those abroad and that a guy must have qualifications from abroad. Her comment was directed to an earlier comment stating that education isn't important in choosing a potential spouse. I'm sorry to say, but that quite frankly, is ridiculous and rather naive as education, whether from Pakistan or elsewhere, allows a person to obtain a better job, which in turn, makes them better able to support a family.
Unfortunately, the majority of jobs today require some sort of degree, regardless of how smart the individual is. Ten to twenty years back, it was possible to get a job without any sort of qualification and acquire the necessary skills on the job and advance that way. I know of a couple of people who immigrated in the 80s and did this and are now successful. However, the majority of jobs now no longer allow for this, making some sort of education necessary.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
Perhaps they take the myth "Women's definition of male attractiveness varies" a bit too seriously.
In reality most women can agree on whether a guy is attractive or not. Dont understand why they're so reluctant to admit that.
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
So i was reading some thread...like western paki chics face too much problem finding the right guy, coz the guys are usually stupid and/or they go import a chic..
So, all the chics who face this problem, why don't you help each other out? Like set up your brothers with some chic similar to your background/views/outlook on life etc?
Like, your brothers are nice right? and then you see other girls facing rishta trouble, why don't you set people up that way??
If this resolution is adopted, I declare myself to be brother of all khawateen at GS. :P
Re: ABCD Rishta Problems - Solution
Well in that case how are guys with just a bachelors from Pakistan doing financially well here in America? Maybe they have to work harder, and many will enroll in college here and work hard and get a degree here and be ultimately successful, in fact lots of guys on this forum are walking testimony to that.
Most smart folks in Pakistan go for some advanced degree in Pakistan and then they immigrate and have great jobs, not just because of their degree but 1. Their work ethic and 2. They are professional when they are at the job and 3. Compared to the same degree here, they know more, especially in science and technology sectors. Some business guys hit it big here too, simply because they're talented.
You just have to talk to the guy and gage by his conversation and success in Pakistan. If they did well over there, they'll probably do ok here too.
The average college grad in the US by comparison has not gone through a grueling curriculum like that in Pakistan, and doesn't have half the discipline or professionalism. In fact I think the standard of college degrees in the US has seriously tanked.