I live with my inlaws, call them Ammi/Abu, respect them dearly, they are great. However, when we first got married and started living together, when I'd make complaints during the adjustment process, hubby's response would always be "They're your parents!" Finally one day I just snapped at him and told him that they are not MY parents. I can't approach my MIL the same way as I would with the woman who gave birth to me! No disrespect to my MIL but it's just not possible. I can respect her dearly but it can never come to the level that I love my mom. It's so easy for hubby to say "they're your parents" and throw the 20-odd years my parents raised me out the window!
But yes, he's learned that I dont like that so he doesn't say it anymore. I strive to love and respect my inlaws as parents and my husbands parents, but in no way could they ever replace my actual parents.
Everyone is different. For some people it may seem like they have elders who they have always been close to, to lean on. For others it may seem like something callous after a loss of a parent because our parents are irreplaceable. I guess it all depends who says it and with what intent. I've heard people say some really obnoxious things to my mom after my dad passed, but also heard very warm support from those I am close to. At that time our emotions are kinda on hyper drive as well, so things have to be taken with a giant grain of salt.
saying, "aaj se yeh tumhaare maaN baap JAISE haiN", doesn't mean that the spouse's parents will replace his/her parents. it's just a figure of speech which means consider his/her parents as your own in terms of respect, service, love, care etc.
i don't see any conflict of interest. wouldn't your new home be like your own when you follow the advice.
**
tere angnaa Laxmii naache
Durgaa deep jalaaye
saas bane maataa jiskii aur
sasur pitaa kahlaaye
jaa rii bahnaa, jaa!
tu apne ghar jaa!**
I have this battle with myself everyday. Before marriage i made it clear to hubby that i will be sticking to aunty and uncle. My dad died when o was 17 and my taya is the closest person to a father for me but still hes my taya not dad so to call my FIL dad is hard for me. Anyway i tried it for abit always approached my fil in a way where i didnt have to call him dad, and crap happens and they proved to me they can never be my parents
My MIL once said to me that she is my mother now and the rishta with my mum has ended i was taken aback lol its a complicated sito. My hubby calls my mum, Mum. Neither she expects him to and ive never told him to he just does it. But i cant bring myself to call them mum n dad grr
U don't have to consider them or call them mom or dad but I think if u remember that they are parents of Ur husband and he has to treat them like that, it shud be enough.
...I am greatly offended when someone tells me, "aaj se yehi tumhare maa baap hain" or "inhain apna maa baap hi samjho" or "yeh tumhare maa baap ki jagah hain".
What's your opinion?
How many times have u been told that?
How about the theory that maybe your parents are fed up of you already?
Before he passed away, all of me and my cousins used to call our chachu "Baba" (second oldest of his brothers) and they all call my dad "Papa" who is the oldest. The other two are called chacha/chachu. It just shows respect and love. Just because you call someone mom or dad does not really mean they are your parents. This reminds me of the quote by Shakespeare ""A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"
I lived many years with my in-laws. I never ever called them "Mum/Dad/Ami/Abu".
They did ask me to call them 'Mum/Dad' etc in the beginning, but that made me so uncomfortable , that I stopped addressing them altogether.
For me no-one can be LIKE my parents, or replace my parents. I have just the one set of parents and for me they will always be Ami/Abu.
My SIL is her in laws niece; she also does not address them as "Mum Dad", but "Uncle/Aunty". !
I have had a tremendous relationship with my inlaws, ups and downs, and respected them immensely, but still they are not my parents. But I will give them respect, and TREAT them like my parents.Recently my in laws had health issues. I as their DIL washed their soiled bedding, helped them in their daily cleaning and hygiene, feeding etc as I would do for my parents.
My DH has called my parents 'Mum/Dad' from the day he met my parents when he and his family visited my family for the first time; this was before any 'baat pakki". He is comfortable doing so, but I'm not.
Jis se jo rishta hai wohi rehta hai. If parent-in-laws becomes ur parents then what abt his son??
So this is all stupid culture of our. Islam had a clear distinction between relations as mentioned in detailed ( Quran such as surah Hijab, Surah Nisa)
Whatever we says , relation remains in same frame.
Hmm I don't see what the big deal is. Hubby calls my mom, mom and my dad, uncle. He used to call my dad dad but then my dad told him uncle was fine (lol lucky hubby took no offense) but my mom remains mom. I call his parents daddy and mom the way him and his sisters do. I don't feel the need to be all high and mighty in that no one can replace my parents etc- that goes without saying, HOWEVER, I now feel lucky enough to have TWO sets of wonderful parents as does he. His parents probably give me more leeway than my own parents do and are always going above and beyond to spoil me in whatever way they can.
