Do desi families chose brides for their sons (in the arranged setting) based on her character/personality at all? How do they do that with the whole chai parade session? Anyone’s in-laws ever actually talk to a girl directly?
If there was a period of getting-to-know-the-girl by the family, do you think it would cut down on the number of silly women that end up becoming the matrons of our society 
Re: A woman's character/personality
No one can really know unless a 24/7 detective is hired.
I posted a while ago:
"Kisay Pata Shabbo Kabhi Kisi Aur Ki Bhi Thi".
Re: A woman's character/personality
Actually that is what they judge in the chai parade. Cuz they already know what the girl looks like from her pictures. They're looking at her tone of voice, how informed she is, her activities, her education, her college life, basically whatever she talks about and all her uthna bethna in the chai parade is being judged. Anything u say can and will be used against u in the court of madam mother in law.
Re: A woman's character/personality
PCG there is a world outside this bubble. Trust me ... People won't bite if you would try to find something good about them :)
Re: A woman's character/personality
People also put on a nice bholi-bhali si act during the chai parade.
Re: A woman's character/personality
Yes that IS what our bs gender roles have been trying to teach us all these years. How to get picked in the chai parade.
Re: A woman's character/personality
The mother/sister/bhabis talk to the girl to asses how she is like.
Just like father/brother/bil talk to the guy.
Re: A woman’s character/personality
The girl (my fiance now)..when we went to their house for tea. There was no chai parade or anything. When all of us sitting. She came down and sat with her mom. Chatted with my sisters in an open environment. Everything was cool and no awkwardness.
Re: A woman's character/personality
^You're engaged? Congrats!
Re: A woman's character/personality
My sister have had many rishtas, and there has never be a chai parading scenes. I usually take the trays of chai, another sister will serve and the concerned sister might help. we usually sit all together and talk. The concerned sister observe the family and the guy.. The guys family after a certain point ask if its ok to let the boy n girl talk alone...
Depending on the family type,we sister either sit with them or let them alone.
and then my sister fires questions...in a very professional n stern manner....and the guy sweats n tremble..lol
Re: A woman's character/personality
^yo..i didn't have to go through all that. But..ya when we met one on one..along with sister and her brother..she asked me all sorts of question. She is an accountant after all..her auditing me kicked in...
Re: A woman's character/personality
Don't think its just the parade. There are a lot of things going on in the background. They are finding out about you from your neighbors, colleagues, friends etc. At least mine and my wife's family did. My experience has been, if it came as far as the parade, there has been some 'due diligence' already done.
Re: A woman's character/personality
Do desi families chose brides for their sons (in the arranged setting) based on her character/personality at all? How do they do that with the whole chai parade session? Anyone's in-laws ever actually talk to a girl directly?
They definitely do look at a girl's personality.. If a girl is really outgoing at a first meeting some parents would see that as a negative.. but then again others might like that and interpret it as being friendly and sociable..
My brother rejected a girl once for being very quiet and not talking much..
Re: A woman's character/personality
Yes that IS what our bs gender roles have been trying to teach us all these years. How to get picked in the chai parade.
This is the ultimate truth!!!
Re: A woman's character/personality
^yo..i didn't have to go through all that. But..ya when we met one on one..along with sister and her brother..she asked me all sorts of question. She is an accountant after all..her auditing me kicked in...
What kind of questions did she ask? I never feel like I ask enough.
Re: A woman's character/personality
My brother rejected a girl once for being very quiet and not talking much..
This could SO be me! I let the guy initiate. If he doesn't at all. I don't talk to him. Once or twice I have tried to initiate convos with the guy and they wouldn't give me answers to work with. I took that as a sign of lack of interest. So I just let them initiate. I do try to pay attention to the conversations between the dads and the moms, so the guy can pick any moment and strike up a conversation.
Once I do remember feeling really awkward because the guy and I were the only ones not talking. So I just started talking to him.