A situation with one of my friends...

redrose1 · January 9, 2011, 6:46pm

Re: A situation with one of my friends…

I agree with Reha. There’s no justification for cheating. It’s abhorred because it involves deception. There’s always a halal way to go about things…which is less offensive and there’s more respect in that.

Your friend thinks that her “prayers/duas” might unite her with her boyfriend. And you never know, it might end up that way. BUT…she needs to keep in mind that Allah doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we want them. He might even answer her dua by helping her to improve her current marriage. It’s all too common, but when we picture the results of a dua in a certain way, and it doesn’t happen the way we want it to…it hurts. So, she should pray for what is best for her…and try not get to emotionally attached to this guy.

Your friend sounds very naive, immature, and even selfish. It’s wrong for a married woman to cheat on her husband…AND…it’s wrong for a guy to have an affair with a married woman. They’re both wrong. But she needs to understand that people usually don’t put their life on hold for others. There’s no guarantee that this guy is not using her just “passing his time.” He KNOWS that she is married and cheating…can he really have respect for her? (Granted he’s in the wrong as well) Is it not possible that he could be stringing her along? I know there are exceptions, but how many desi guys would be willing to marry a girl who has a child from a prevous marriage? More power to those that can manage it, but that is a HUGE responsibility. And desi parents in general (I know there are exceptions) want a pure bride for their sons…with no previous baggage…especially not in the form of a child. His sincerity can be questioned (he could be leading her on)…and even if he was genuninely interested in her…does he have the courage to face his parents and marry her? Plus, with the double standards in our society…it wouldn’t surprise me if parents of a guy look down on a married woman for having an affair…but don’t look down on their son. You hear about guys who enter affairs with girls (who are unmarried and don’t have kids)…and they can’t make things work even with those girls…because they can’t stand up to their family. Also, it’s very selfish of her to stay in her dysfunctional marriage…and keep this guy “on the side”…and not allow him to move forward with his life by marrying another girl. It seems like a “me me me me” mentality. She’s not thinking maturely.

She needs to think about her marriage. Not about the guy she’s having an affair with. Just think about her marriage. She needs to ask herself if the marriage can be fixed or if it’s dysfunctional beyond repair. She needs to ask herself if her husband’s behavior (drinking, etc) is harmful to the development of her child. It takes two to make a relationshp and she can reflect upon the things that she might be doing wrong that are hurting her marriage. IF the marriage can be fixed…she needs to talk to her husband and work on it. If it cannot be fixed…then maybe she needs to privately consult a lawyer…a reputable one…tell the lawyer about her situation and the conditions that her husband/in-laws have placed upon her (taking her child away)…and listen to options that the lawyer suggests. Talking to a professional can give her some mental direction. Rizq is from Allah…and in the event…that the marriage is dissolved…her father can find another job. I would suggest securing another job before losing the one you have.

:k: