There’s a situation with one of my friends.
He met a girl around 2 years back.They started liking each other & so their affair started such that,they started chatting,talking on phone & even meeting each other,so that,they want to get married to each other.
But,this girl is married.She got married when she was 16,and its been 8 years to her marriage.She has a child who is 5 years old.The main reason,according to him,because of which she started seeing him is because,she isn’t happy with her husband and her married life.Her husband is a drunkard who drinks,etc.So, she has been suffering alot because of her husband’s behaviour towards her which isn’t so good.
When her family came to know about her affair with him,they stopped her from going out of home,but when this girl kept on insisting,her family even told her that the husband was willing to divorce her,so that she could go to anyone she liked. But they wouldn’t give her the child.Also, her parents are poor,so her father is working for her father-in-law,so once she takes divorce,the father would lose the job as well. So, because of all these,the girl moved back & stopped all the contact with the guy,and they weren’t in contact for a few months.
But, before a couple days,this girl has again come back in his life,and kept saying him that she really loves him alot & can’t live without him,but at the same time,doesn’t want to take divorce from her husband as she doesn’t want to be away from her kid,and doesn’t want her father/family to suffer because of her by the father losing the job.She says her only hope is prayers that,she keeps praying, so perhaps things would start working in their favour & somehow they both end up being together & getting married.So, till something happens,she wants to stay in his life,and also,doesn’t want him to have any other girl in his life as she can’t tolerate it.
So, what he wants to know is that,what should he be doing? What you people advise? Do you think her behaviour is right?
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
Leave this girl and move on
OR
He should get married to any other girl..........and when the 'girlfriend's gets free from her husband.....she can marry this guy as a second wife......
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ & why should he marry to any other girl?
Re: A situation with one of my friends…
Are you serious?! :halo:
He should get out of this relationship because it’s just wrong on so many levels. There can never be a right reason to carry on a illegal relationship. It’s as simple as that. The women here has to make a choice. Why can’t she contest the custody of her child in court? if she really is as innocent as she is claiming to be then why not.
If the guy wants to lead a normal life and not feel used at the end of the day, he better run far away from this women and her issues. Since she is married and has a kid, she better be mature enough to deal with her issues on her own.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ & why should he marry to any other girl?
Because its not practically possible to wait for this woman to get free from husband...unless he is a bollywood type devdas..
Are you serious?!
Yes......i provided it as a 2nd option...... he can't wait for her forever.......but if he would want to be with her later......this is the only solution....
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ Then how about the other girl he would marry? Wouldn't it be unfair with her if he marries this girl later?
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
Then how about the other girl he would marry? Wouldn't it be unfair with her if he marries this girl later?
may be may not be.....
basically in both options..... he should move on for now......
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ But this girl is clever enough not to let him move on...
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ But this girl is clever enough not to let him move on...
how can she 'not let him' move on??
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ Hmmm,she keeps assuring him how much he loves him,etc,so, as he keeps talking how much immensely she loves him...
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
^ But this girl is clever enough not to let him move on...
yr frnd told u THIS and he is still confused what to do?! Hmmm Ok.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
This was your question , right?
So, what he wants to know is that,what should he be doing? What you people advise? Do you think her behaviour is right?
He should be doing------------ Get a final answer from her.......take it or leave it
her behaviour is right--------- not at all
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
she wants to stay in his life,and also,doesn't want him to have any other girl in his life as she can't tolerate it.
That's quite selfish of her. If I was the guy I'd ditch her because I see no future in this relationship, it simply can't work. The guy should do himself a favour, end all contact, move on and find himself a girl who's actually single.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
Its not love, its lust.
He needs to let her go.
She is married right now and even if she leaves her husband to marry this guy...this union will never be blessed because it started with deceit and lies. The foundation is wrong so it would be extremely naive of them to expect happiness out of it.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
she wants a divorce, islamically she is entitled to it. she should NOT have to compromise her child for THAT.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
if this guy will keep her happier and more respectfull than her current husband, then i dont see why happiness can't come out of it. What lies? Did she not tell the guy she is married and has a child?
Its not love, its lust.
He needs to let her go.
She is married right now and even if she leaves her husband to marry this guy...this union will never be blessed because it started with deceit and lies. The foundation is wrong so it would be extremely naive of them to expect happiness out of it.
Re: A situation with one of my friends…
Yup i agree Too, well said =)
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
if this guy will keep her happier and more respectfull than her current husband, then i dont see why happiness can't come out of it. What lies? Did she not tell the guy she is married and has a child?
If a marriage is getting sour...then both parties need to either agree to work on things or dissolve the marriage. She lied to her current husband, cheated on him and is also purposefully planning on continuing her affair.
Having a bad husband or wife doesnt make cheating okay.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
she seems to be such a selfish and mean mother, who after having a child has entered into an illicit relationship....such a shameful act....that explains my opinion about her act...it it out and out wrong. There are two different things here. If she was not happy with her husband, then she should have taken a divorce. It by no means is Islamically acceptable for her to engage in such a shameful behavior. May Allah guide us all on the right path.aameen.
Re: A situation with one of my friends...
1) I agree with Reha. There's no justification for cheating. It's abhorred because it involves deception. There's always a halal way to go about things....which is less offensive and there's more respect in that.
2) Your friend thinks that her "prayers/duas" might unite her with her boyfriend. And you never know, it might end up that way. BUT...she needs to keep in mind that Allah doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want them. He might even answer her dua by helping her to improve her current marriage. It's all too common, but when we picture the results of a dua in a certain way, and it doesn't happen the way we want it to....it hurts. So, she should pray for what is best for her...and try not get to emotionally attached to this guy.
3) Your friend sounds very naive, immature, and even selfish. It's wrong for a married woman to cheat on her husband....AND....it's wrong for a guy to have an affair with a married woman. They're both wrong. But she needs to understand that people usually don't put their life on hold for others. There's no guarantee that this guy is not using her just "passing his time." He KNOWS that she is married and cheating.....can he really have respect for her? (Granted he's in the wrong as well) Is it not possible that he could be stringing her along? I know there are exceptions, but how many desi guys would be willing to marry a girl who has a child from a prevous marriage? More power to those that can manage it, but that is a HUGE responsibility. And desi parents in general (I know there are exceptions) want a pure bride for their sons....with no previous baggage....especially not in the form of a child. His sincerity can be questioned (he could be leading her on)....and even if he was genuninely interested in her........does he have the courage to face his parents and marry her? Plus, with the double standards in our society....it wouldn't surprise me if parents of a guy look down on a married woman for having an affair....but don't look down on their son. You hear about guys who enter affairs with girls (who are unmarried and don't have kids).....and they can't make things work even with those girls....because they can't stand up to their family. Also, it's very selfish of her to stay in her dysfunctional marriage........and keep this guy "on the side".......and not allow him to move forward with his life by marrying another girl. It seems like a "me me me me" mentality. She's not thinking maturely.
4) She needs to think about her marriage. Not about the guy she's having an affair with. Just think about her marriage. She needs to ask herself if the marriage can be fixed or if it's dysfunctional beyond repair. She needs to ask herself if her husband's behavior (drinking, etc) is harmful to the development of her child. It takes two to make a relationshp and she can reflect upon the things that she might be doing wrong that are hurting her marriage. IF the marriage can be fixed.......she needs to talk to her husband and work on it. If it cannot be fixed........then maybe she needs to privately consult a lawyer......a reputable one.....tell the lawyer about her situation and the conditions that her husband/in-laws have placed upon her (taking her child away).....and listen to options that the lawyer suggests. Talking to a professional can give her some mental direction. Rizq is from Allah......and in the event.....that the marriage is dissolved.....her father can find another job. I would suggest securing another job before losing the one you have.