Few days ago some people came to see my sister for their son…
(rishta, wedding proposal…whatever)
everything was going fine, we fed them good, treated them nicely but i didn’t like there mom actually nobody in my family liked their mom because she seemed snobbish & btchy
when they left we were confused as to why she was acting like that because rest of her family seemed really sweet & caring…
few days went by & my mom met few of her friends…my sister topic came up & my mom friends said “oh so what happen with that proposal?”
my mom said “we’re not interested”
blah blah few more days passed by…
my mom receives a call from her friend …she says to my mom “you know i know you guys rejected the proposal but they weren’t interested either…”
out of curiosity my mom asked “why?”
my mom friend says “oh because they were looking for a simple girl…” okay so what the hell just happen**?**
simple girl?
hmm…my sister is the sweetest person ever! i can’t believe they would say that… we looked into it more & we found out that they didn’t want there future daughter in law to study further since my sister wants purse her studies after marriage!
so i guess going to college these days after marriage takes you out of “simple girl” category…
the mother in law actually wanted some girl whom she could control! this just pissed me off more because she has 3 freaking daughters & 1 of them have BA degree & the other two are studying after marriage!
If your side rejected the rishta, she should've stayed quiet. there was no need for her to tell you what the other side said (unless they were interested in teh rishta).
If you talk about someone behind their back but they don't know, that's like throwing a knife that's missed the target. When someone says those things to that person, that's like picking up the knife and stabbing them directly.
Seems like one of those aunties who likes to see others miserable/angry.
[QUOTE]
my mom receives a call from her friend ...she says to my mom "you know i know you guys rejected the proposal but they weren't interested either..."
out of curiosity my mom asked "why?"
my mom friend says "oh because they were looking for a simple girl..." okay so what the hell just happen?
[/QUOTE]
most people i know here (Aus) look for girls who can work or are ambitious..
i dont understand why women still seek girls who dont want to do that? actually... why is it even a choice left to the MIL.. where is the guy in all of this?
If your side rejected the rishta, she should've stayed quiet. there was no need for her to tell you what the other side said (unless they were interested in teh rishta).
If you talk about someone behind their back but they don't know, that's like throwing a knife that's missed the target. When someone says those things to that person, that's like picking up the knife and stabbing them directly.
Seems like one of those aunties who likes to see others miserable/angry.
I agree with Sara516. When I read the story, I was surprised at how your mom's friend behaved. It's so rude of your mom's friend to say "well they weren't interested either". It would have been more tactful, in my opinion, for her to stay quiet.
Believe it or not but some parents are against their daughters going for a Master's Degree because they don't want her to appear too "modern" "forward" as they fear that will hinder her rishta chances. Pathetic, I know. I know your parents aren't like that that. But there are some tunnel-visioned folks out there.
One of my cousins in Pak is now happily married, MashaAllah. But she had receieved rishtas where the guy's family rejected her for having a job at a bank as they thought she was too "forward". I know of this one woman who had her son marry this girl simply because she was beautiful. At the time of the rishta, the guy and his family was fully aware that this girl was poor and not very educated but they agreed to the match anyways. And afterwards, they gave that girl a hard time and kept insulting her. The girl may have been poor and uneducated, but she was one brave woman. She gave the guy a divorce...........after she secretly got into contact with his FIRST WIFE.....and found out that the guy and his family treated the first wife like crap as well.
It's double standards. Some desi mom's look for qualities in their daughter-in-laws that their **OWN DAUGHTERS **don't possess. It's sad. But you should be grateful that you rejected that pathetic woman and her rishta. Could you imagine what would have happened if this rishta went through. Your sister deserves better and InshaAllah she'll find an amazing guy soon.
Every Muslim woman has the right to an education. And with the fragile economy we have today, it's a good idea for both spouses to have a degree.........in case the wife might have to work as well to support the family. You never know what can happen in the future. And it's very smart and practical for women to be educated and have a degree.....as a means of supporting themselves in the future.
I agree with you that this woman's idea of a "simple girl" is a girl that she can easily control. And it's sad how insecure she is. It's bad enough that she doesn't even know how to display proper manners as a guest in someone's home. I hope the "simple" girl she gets will be strong enough to knock some sense into her. As for her son.....if I were him, I'd feel embarrassed to have such a closed-minded mom who can't even behave properly as a guest.
another word of advice.. ask ur mum not to speak about rishte to anyone else.
Who knows what these so called aunty friends may be saying behind ur mums back to others… my experience, dont even let anyone know something is happening. Once everything is finalised, speak as much as u want :k:
I was thinking the same point as well when I read Waterfall’s story. I was wondering why the mom’s friend would make such a comment and then I thought the same think you’re thinking…that what if the mom’s friend also has connections with the rishta people.
You can’t trust anyone in such matters. And it’s best to keep rishta news to yourself. And many parents also feel that rishta matters should be kept private because 1) people like to gossip 2) people can misinterpret situations 3) people have connections to rejected rishta families and this can further fuel gossip and possibly hurt the girl’s reputation.
So…Waterfall…do as Sadzzz suggested…advise your mom to not share rishta meetings/decisions too freely with others. When a rishta has been finalized…you can be open about that.
Dont let what that other aunti said bother you. You dont have to prove anything with your sister. You know what she is like, her friends, her family, everyone knows! and insha'Allah a gem of a person will come along.
but WHATS WITH THE LABELLING? simple girl? so a girl is simple if she isnt studying after marriage? hello - what era is that family living in? its the 21st century. Ive been married for a year and Im going back to school to finish off my degree and insha'Allah pursuing something further toooo.. but that didnt classify me or tonz of my other friends as not-simple..
You guys are soo fortunate ke aisi CHAVVAL family se paala nahi para. They could have agree'd to everything and even said ke hum larki ko parhne dein ge and backed off after the shaadi saying ke you shud settle down. So take this positively, Allah definitely has something MUCH better in store for your sister iA!
Some people like to spread misery and they are not happy until everyone around them is either depressed or suicidal. Your family wasnt interested and niether were they...if that miserable 3rd person had not interfered...you wouldnt be here thinking your sister is not a simple girl. This is why gossipping is so wrong...all it does is create problems.
My advice to you is to ignore this 3rd woman...I bet you all she wants to do is get a rise out of your mother and looking for ways to milk this situation as long as possible. Your sister didnt suit their tastes...its alright. There will be a lot of people who dont suit your sister either...should they take offense to that? No. Its nothing personal...so dont let it bother you that much because they really dont know your sister...know what I mean?
