Myself and a friend were having a discussion on how much information should be shared between couples regarding mutual friends and their private information. She stated that a secret is a secret but couples are immune to the no sharing clause. While I disagree with the notion it seems to be something people are okay with. If you are dating and you tell someone something in confidence it is naturally taken that you will tell your girlfriend or boyfriend.
I disagreed. A secret is a secret and you can’t go around telling your girlfriend or boyfriend just because you happen to be dating them. Then always she threw a spanner in to the works. She said that is fine if they are the same gender. But if they are of the opposite gender then it brings in issues of trust, confidence and all that jazz.
Let me illustrate. Say a male friend tells me a secret, I don’t really need to tell my girlfriend. That is acceptable. Its a guy. However if a female friend informs me of a secret, then it becomes complicated. She stated in that case she would like to know whats going on and why some girl is confiding in her boyfriend. I can see why it would unnerve her. But I still believe that it is a issue of moral absolutes.
Something said in confidence stays a secret regardless of the gender. Then came up the question that I have not found an answer too. Do you inform your girlfriend or boyfriend that you are holding this secret? That is a whole can of worms that just I do not wish to touch.
There Sara you got a serious discussion that is infact a breath of fresh air
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
To be honest, I would probably share a lot with my partner. If a very close friend of mine tells me a secret and she's aquainted with my partner, then no - secret shouldn't be shared. If they aren't acquainted, then blah.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
ok got u :D..
no i wouldn't tell any secrate to anyone...unless he/she is very close firned or best friend..and i think everyone has ONE special friend in thier life whom they can trust and share everything..
about girl friend /boy friend thingy ...if they share something i think it will efect thier relationship....like if a boy is going out with his other friend (girl) and he tells about her to her girl friend..however in future her G/F will go out with someone ( boy ) and if her boy friend will stop her she have right to say that " if u can go out with other girl ( so called friends ) then why not me ??
so i think in this type of relationship u must keep some secrates....
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
I think you have to get to know your partner first.. what are they like, how broad/narrow minded they are.. then you'll be able to make that decision. For me personally, I wouldn't tell my partner someone elses secret cause that downthrow the purpose of keeping a secret... but if there is a secret about me which I think my partner must know, or if there is a secret about my partner that I need to know, then of course hiding it would be the biggest mistake.. because ****secrets are made to be found out with time.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
Well, we share EVERYTHING. It sounds wierd but i am so expressive to hubsy that I can't help it! Because I know that it won't go anywhere so I am uber comfortable in telling him alsolutely anything and vice-versa alhamdulillah.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
I share everything with my partner.. cant help it. It’s prob very wrong and i admit it being wrong… but we share everything
on a side note CM.. ur a nice guy.. but sometimes i get this feeling, ur trying to point out ur a stud cus u have a girlfriend :halo: i may be very wrong though..
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
lol Sadzz, gosh havent seen you in aaaages. Remember me Puchi Kuchi? I forgot my password for my old nick hence had to make a new one...now nobody remembers me lol
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
But here is the delimma I have. The secret is told to me, not to "us". And by the very nature of the fact that it is a secret means it should not be told to anybody else. In other words you are breaking your word when you tell your husband/wife/girlfriend or boyfriend.
Hardly a positive development in the first place. You break your word to keep your spouse happy. That doesn't sit well with me.
Sadzz I am single. Have been for a year or more now. I am not the type of guy to go to Darfur and stay in a relationship. When I made the decision to come here, I decided to be single as well.
Nazz, how wrong you are. There is no hope for me. Stop giving me false hope :p Plus I like the way I am.
Now here is the second part of the question. Your husband/boyfriend/lover/whatever you call him has a secret that another female friend has told him. He is turning into her confidente of sorts. She speaks to him about her issues and he is her shoulder to cry on. How would that work for you?
For the men, switch genders to answer the moral delimma.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
Let us suppose there is a situation where you got no option other than going out and sharing every bit of that concerned details with her .
Say , am in a promising relationship with someone , like willing to marry that person , yea that’s height of my sincerity , and the very next day she comes and ask me ‘ hey ya know what ? i have been hearing this and this about you , so what have you been doing lately or what ya did last summer ‘ .
Considering the fact , she is the one ! am willing to spend all of life , sleeping next to her , cooking her nice meals , seeing my unborn kids in her eyes .
Should I or should I not share that bit of someone’s story, where am portrayed as a guilty party , with her ?
It does get messy on occasions but you gotta do it some how...
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
Now here is the second part of the question. Your husband/boyfriend/lover/whatever you call him has a secret that another female friend has told him. He is turning into her confidente of sorts. She speaks to him about her issues and he is her shoulder to cry on. How would that work for you?
For the men, switch genders to answer the moral delimma.
Why is my partner another woman's confidante of sorts on the first place??? That man needs wakening up. He can only be *one *woman's shoulder to cry on at one time.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
Tweetie bird, now that is a hell of a question. But for this situation lets say the girl is a college hood friend, or a friend from high school, basically somebody the guy knows well before meeting his wife/girlfriend/whatever.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
I share everything with my husband. Trust me the problem only gets bigger when you keep a secret from your partner and he/she finds out later. Not worth it.
So now if anyone wants to share a 'secret' with me I just tell them that if I can't share it with my husband then don't bother telling me the secret.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
If a friend confides in me.. I keep it to myself. If it's about "us" then is the only time u should share it with u're partner/spouse.. if u're partner has the tendency to blurt things out.. it's better to seal u're lips.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
If my girlfriends tell me something in confidence...I wont tell my partner. I dont have a lot of male friends that tell me their deep and dark secrets so not sure what I would do in that case.
If my husband was being confided in by some chic and I was being told to butt out and its none of my business...I might have an issue with that. If he was holding his male friends' secrets, I dont care. If its a woman, I do care and wont be happy about it.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
If a person wanted to confide in your spouse, they would have gone directly to that source or if they wanted to tell the world and their aunt, they would not have confided in you. A secret implies a level of trust and breaking anyone's trust is not a lighthearted matter.
.If a friend confided in me, I would respect that and unless it affected my relationship with my other half or if I needed his help with solving the problem, then I would ask my friend before telling him and asking for help.
One idea which does not bode well with me, is any wet lettuce/clingy women, who runs to him at every problem.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
i would go nuts......why is a female confding in my hubby/fiance in the first place stupid trollop....id kick her in between her eyes and slap her silly. and in all honesty i would not accpet a rishta where the man is very friendly with females or has alot of female friends.....sorry but thats me.
Re: A serious discussion - no really a serious one
i would go nuts......why is a female confding in my hubby/fiance in the first place stupid trollop....id kick her in between her eyes and slap her silly. and in all honesty i would not accpet a rishta where the man is very friendly with females or has alot of female friends.....sorry but thats me.
LOL
But hey what is HE doing that is resulting in her confiding in him. What are you going to do to him if this happens? :p
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