well, i work in a nursing home and as u can guess there are a lot of nurses around…i became rele good friends with one of them even tho shes a lot older than me, shes rele sweet…when i told her i was engaged she said u know what i need to find a husband n since then i’ve always joked with her about it and kept telling her how pretty she was and how she could get a guy in no time, n she would be rele pleased when i said this..it is mainly a professional relationship but we have become friends even tho we dont rele see each other outside of the workplace.
well, last week me and her went out to lunch together and she told me that she had breast cancer n the doctors wanted to do a complete mastectomy(removal of entire breast) even tho its only stage 1. I was shocked and so sorry for her, its such a horrific thing to happen to a person. And then she says “If they take my breast, I wont be a woman anymore. Who will want to marry me then” It seriously broke my heart to hear her say it. I tried to reassure her that she could have the breast surgically reconstructed but she said she didnt want to because of all the side effects of plastic surgery. I tried to tell her that she would still be the same person inside regardless of that but it didnt help her one bit…i just dont know what to do to make her feel better..i’m at a complete loss
ne suggestions how to cheer her up a little, i mean what is appropriate considering i only know her from work.
Truly a sad story..but tell her the world isn't that cruel...the loss of a body part woudl not stop someone from loving her...or marrying her infact...her confidence and strength alone will enable her to find real "love".
Just a question out of curiousity. When they say "removed the breast", does it mean, they remove the whole thing or do they just remove the cancerous part... meaning after the surgery, does the chest becomes flat or does it retain some curves? I assume a woman will not be able to lactate after the removal, is that true?
larki_punjaban: If the lady is worried about her curves, then why does she not consider plastic surgery or something?
It's not the curves she's worried about Faisal...it's the feeling of NOT being a woman any more..it's like if a man had to have one of his testitcles removed...imagine the lady would be losing her breast..a symbol of womanhood and motherhood...
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*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Just a question out of curiousity. When they say "removed the breast", does it mean, they remove the whole thing or do they just remove the cancerous part... meaning after the surgery, does the chest becomes flat or does it retain some curves? I assume a woman will not be able to lactate after the removal, is that true?
larki_punjaban: If the lady is worried about her curves, then why does she not consider plastic surgery or something?
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mastectomy is the removal of the ENTIRE breast, lumpectomy is the removal of the cancerous part, as for the rest i'm not completely sure n as LK said shes not worried about the curves but about not FEELING like a woman nemore
LK-thanx hun, i will definitely tell her that n I hope it cheers her up a little
Besides that Faisal...the scars that is left behind is a constant reminder of the pain..the scabs...the marks...it's a terrible thing for a lady...every woman wants to feel beautiful...God bless that lady and all those that suffer from cancer with the strength to get through this.
Usually, a masectomy involves removing most of the breast so that it is flat. With the reconstructive surgery that is available nowadays, it is possible to have another one built which mirrors the other breast which is still tact.
I know someone who has gone through this. LP, I think your friend must be afraid enough as it is. You should continue to do what you are doing … provide her with a lot of emotional support and just be positive about the whole situation.
As for men, I don’t think she will have any problems if she ended up with a man who genuinely loves her as that is what love is … sticking by each other through thick and thin. It is only natural that she is afraid as I’m sure most of us would think the same way if we found ourselves in such a situation. Even married women who have masectomy’s often feel the same way … that their husbands would think less of them if an entire breast was removed.
Breasts are associated with womanhood … and of course, she must be feeling that she will somehow be inadequate or lacking … not a ‘real woman’ if she went through with the masectomy. Even after the reconstructive surgery, she will have a lot of emotional scars and may continue to feel this inadequacy.
I think this is when the old saying comes into play: time heals all wounds and scars. In the beginning, I think it will be extremely difficult with her. However, as time passes, she will realise that she hasn’t lost any of her ‘womanhood’ as the whole notion of ‘womanhood’ is as much psychological as it is physical. In time, I believe that internally, she will see that she is still the same woman as she was before; only stronger as she has lived through an ordeal that tested all her limits physically, psychologically and emotionally.
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*Originally posted by larki_punjaban: *
ne suggestions how to cheer her up a little, i mean what is appropriate considering i only know her from work.
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chica - this is indeed a very sad story. but i don't think there is any thing you can say or do that will "cheer" her up! i think just being there for her as a friend shud be enuff and i'm sure that's all she's looking from you.
i highly doubt she would expect you to have answers for her!
so try your best to "just be there for her"
and i know there are MANY websites and support groups, i would highly recommend this person speaking to someone who has already gone through this. cuz i'm sure when u look at the bigger picture, she'd much rather live longer without a breast than to have the cancer spread and live a shorter life with both her breasts!
bottom line: i think she reallly needs to speak to someone from the support group! there are tons out there...if u can't find any, let me know. i'll get u some info on it!
and remember, its not how long you've known her that should make a difference in your "friendship", cuz we all come in and out of each other's lives for a reason. just think that Allah made the two of you friends so u can help her get through this! and u will learn from her experience.
I would also recommend support groups, as zidee stated. It's always the case that you feel more comfortable about situations when you share them with people who have undergone the same. I hope she gets what she wants out of life, and may it be good, ameen.
