A friend of mine is going to UK (from Pakistan) for PhD, and his wife has got scholorship for France. They have 1 kid of abt 2 yrs old (as far as i remember). My friend will be in UK for 3 yrs and will have to return back to Pakistan as per contract… His wife will be in France for 5 yrs doing MS and PhD.
In France, they have just one acquaintance who could be a bit help for her in initial time, but he himself will return back after getting his degree.
Do you think it is feasible for his wife to go for higher studies at this moment (with her baby) for that long? How difficult it would be for a lone girl in a new country? She has got pretty good financial coverage in scholorship … but my friend is confused, and need suggestion, what should they do?
WIfe should take care of child right now and when husband will complete his studies he can find a job in France and then wife can do it.Otherwise what will happen to a child ans how she can handle alone everything.
It's not that he wants her to sacrifice .... he is just concerned abt her difficulties and is wondering it could be managed in easier way. Childcare is the one option i was going to suggest him. Thx for the support :)
Few more QUESTIONS.....
(1) I have heard there's a train service b/w UK and France. How long does the travel take?
(2) Is there any visa issue if he travels frequently there (France)?
(3) Scholorship will cover her tuitition fees and give 800 Euros per month. And say there could be a couple of hundreds contribution from her hubby. Is it good enough to cover living costs there (rent, food, childcare, etc.)?
Why doenst he go with her and be a househusband while she completes her studies.
His concerns more sound like a hindrance and selfishness.
and if he is all that concerned then take the kid with him and look after him while he studies.
There is a train service between uk and france..it used to take a hour..i don,t know at the moment..better check with the french/uk website under travels.
His concerns more sound like a hindrance and selfishness.
and if he is all that concerned then take the kid with him and look after him while he studies.
why should she study and look after the kid?
Just cause she is a woman??
First, ..... going to France will require him to get at least visiting visa for 5 yrs .... and visiting visa doesn't allow someone to WORK. Unless you are suggesting for him to do illegal work/job there for 5 years. I don't think the whole family would be able to survive with just the scholorship of one person. And they are not rich.
Second, .... whatever is your understanding, i believe a mother can better take care of a child than a father. Specially, if the child is 2 yrs old or younger than that......... If you are asking for him to take care of the child, then wouldn't that "selfishness" term apply for the wife, that she has handed over child to father and made him to give-up his PhD? ..... it goes either way, if you think like that.
Why do you people make everything an issue of battle b/w man & woman. You just need a chance to bash men...... Can you please give me a feasible solution of the "First" issue that i have mentioned above in this post .... thx.
the eurotunnel takes 35 minutes from uk to france. you drive your car on to the train and sit in it for 35 minutes and then you drive out at the other end. french drivers are a bit mental so take care when driving!!!!
In the first thread, it sounds like the couple have pretty much decided that they will lead separate lives for the next 3 to 5 years. And the question seems to be whether or not it will be difficult for her?
I dont like the idea of parents living separately esp with a little one. One parent or the other is going to miss out on the very best of her childhood and this can never be recovered. A scholarship, a visa, these things can be replaced one way or another yeah? Anyway, I dont think that youre looking for this type of answer.
It is very difficult to be a single parent even in a country that you know well with friends and family nearby. Add to that the fact that she will be in the midst of studies so it isnt like she can come home at night and be with her child. She's gotta study, write papers etc. So my thinking is that even if she can cover rent, living expenses and day-care its going to be quite difficult for her unless she can afford live-in help which is doubtful. How is she going to write papers and study when she's got a little one to feed, bathe, read good-nite stories to, potty train, ask about her day? Its an intensive 24/7 deal and without a spouse, let alone trying it in a new country, I think she may be biting off more than she realizes. If her hubby has just one degree program to get thru, it would make more sense (to me) to wait, let him get his degree and then she goes for her 2 degrees. Not because of the man/woman thing but because the husband will be done sooner and therefore be able to start earning sooner. So giving up the grants or scholarships now wont make much of a difference - the hubby will be able to provide.
have they tried for universities that are close by? I mean if he is at LSE and she is at kings or something they can be in the same city, or even close by.
as far as her or him with the kid utilizing fay care etc, it can be done, but day care is expensive..very expensive.
I will throw one other suggestion out which will sound very cold. Leave the kid with the grandparents for 2 years, make sure the couple goes back as often as possble, and see if the parents can bring the kid over for sometime.
when the husband is done with his degree, they move together and wit his income and her scholarship they will be able to afford day care and all that.
this however depends heavily on the fact that he gets a job in the same city as her.
I dont like the idea of parents living separately esp with a little one. One parent or the other is going to miss out on the very best of her childhood and this can never be recovered. A scholarship, a visa, these things can be replaced one way or another yeah? Anyway, I dont think that youre looking for this type of answer.
It is very difficult to be a single parent even in a country that you know well with friends and family nearby. Add to that the fact that she will be in the midst of studies so it isnt like she can come home at night and be with her child. She's gotta study, write papers etc. So my thinking is that even if she can cover rent, living expenses and day-care its going to be quite difficult for her unless she can afford live-in help which is doubtful. How is she going to write papers and study when she's got a little one to feed, bathe, read good-nite stories to, potty train, ask about her day? Its an intensive 24/7 deal and without a spouse, let alone trying it in a new country, I think she may be biting off more than she realizes. If her hubby has just one degree program to get thru, it would make more sense (to me) to wait, let him get his degree and then she goes for her 2 degrees. Not because of the man/woman thing but because the husband will be done sooner and therefore be able to start earning sooner. So giving up the grants or scholarships now wont make much of a difference - the hubby will be able to provide.
Your advice is pretty good and realistic, and sure i'm looking for all kind of advices :) .......They haven't yet decided that both will pursue studies concurrently. I will let him know all the options coming from you guys...... And i very much appreciate your detailed response from the view of a Mama :)
as far as her or him with the kid utilizing fay care etc, it can be done, but day care is expensive..very expensive.
I will throw one other suggestion out which will sound very cold. Leave the kid with the grandparents for 2 years, make sure the couple goes back as often as possble, and see if the parents can bring the kid over for sometime.
when the husband is done with his degree, they move together and wit his income and her scholarship they will be able to afford day care and all that.
this however depends heavily on the fact that he gets a job in the same city as her.
He will be going to Leeds and the wife will go to Villeurbane, Cedex.
Leaving kid with grandparents is possible, but i don't think a mother would be able to leave her child (so young) for such a long period........ Husband can't go to her after finishing his degree becauz according to contract with his employer he has to return back.....but i will deliver your suggestions to them, thx a lot Fraudz :)
Living in France is not cheap, She has to check for following
Is the accomodation is part of package (as it could be 400 - 600 euros) for a room per month.
Education of baby and day care depending on her income is raletively easy to manage. That will be depening where she is staying the child will be put in the same community area.
You did not mentioned where her husband will be in England. The train is expensive. He can use Easyjet a cheap air line based on early planning sometime booking 3 - 4 months early could be as low as 20 Pounds. but that depends that where is he and which city she will be.
Also you did not mention where in France she will be doing her MS as prices depends on locality and area. If Paris then will be expensive but other cities are cheaper in terms of rent
Apart from that I don't think that he will be able to get more then one year visa 2years if he is lucky. which can be renewed later.
There is no problem living there alone as long as she is confidend.
Ok this area in France is almost 2.5 - 3 hours from Paris by High speed train (TGV) and other trains can take 5 hours. Its better to come to Geneva (French Side Airport, NOT the swiss side as it will require Swiss visa) and can hire a car. Its about 1.5 hours drive by motorway.
What the hell - she is selfish if she leaves the kid with the father, who, by virtue of being equal participant in the conception, must be equal participant in parenting as well. She is better able to take care of the child? I don't know of any medical proof for that. A man can do the "mothering" as well if he has the will.
On second thought, I have to agree with Fraudz - leave the child with family in Pakistan. My parents did that for a few years and my sibling and I were taken care of by our nani first and then by my khala and their family when my parents were in England. My sister was a toddler. She is the most well-adjusted person you will find. We were there for about three years.