Why is it that women in our society when gets married has no plan for the future? and i am talking other than taking care of the husband and blending in to the family. On the other hand husband will have the whole thing plannned in his mind ofcourse if he is responsible enough.
I saying this because i came across alot of ladies in real life and GS that are very responsible, competent and open minded yet most would not have the after marriage things straighten out.
It is hard for me to understand because i am a guy and want to know what girls on GS have in mind.
I would like to add that i asked this question to my mom and she said itna soocha nahin thaa.
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my mom was very ambitious and an excellent student. i look at her notes and journals and get so impressed. once i asked her why she got married so young (18). she said it was cz in college, girls used to show off their engagement rings so she had to get one too.
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itna soocha nahin thaa
There are so many reason for that and one of the most important reasons for that is women them selves, even though men play a large role in this as well. I hope I answered it as general as possible, but you are right about this lack of direction. May be by time it will change.
I think in Pakistan getting married is becoming such an issue that girls hardly have the chance to think beyond that event. Let me give you an example, in my class (from UET) there were nine girls, out of those nine girls only one girl kept on working after getting married, the rest used their degrees to get better husbands and are stay-home moms now. Even a four year professional degree didn’t bring any sense in them that they should be more productive than just popping babies.
But women cannot be blamed for this alone, our society, and especially men are a big reason for this as well.
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^ Minime bhaijaan..sometimes I can just kiss you. 
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^^ I Agree with you Minime 
k:
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I would disagree.
I myself had everything planned as to what I would do after marriage, and, by the grace of Allah, things seem to be going just as I wanted them too.
Afterall I am an individual, with my own goals and aims in life. Just because I got married doesnt mean I am part of the furniture now does it?
I suppose it helps if you have an understanding partner too.
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Minime, nice generalization, How can you be so sure that “four year degree” must bring the kind of “sense” that you recognize as “sense”. Maybe those women chose to be stay-at-home moms? What is so wrong with that? A degree does not mean that you must get a job.
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Its the best thing to do, in my opinion, which is why I am home for my children. But I still have plans as to what I still want to achieve.
I think it depends on how ambitious you are, or whether you feel you can juggle family life and work life together, without it having a damaging effect on your family members.
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^
I think the basic purpose of education is to help you lead your life in the right direction.
Leaving professional life aside, I think taking good care of your family and involving yourself in your family, itself is planning/preparing for a better future.
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^yes, and that can be done with any sort of education.
For having no direction, I totally agree with their choice. Not that i am undermining the good educated mother and the family, but rather I think that if a women can handle a "husband" I am sure she can handle any sort of job with the kids. My gripe is with all the ladies who go to professional institutes, like UET or FJMC and then choose to stay home. This is what I don’t like, it’s a waste of resource especially in a country like Pakistan.
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"My gripe is with all the ladies who go to professional institutes, like UET or FJMC and then choose to stay home. This is what I don’t like, it’s a waste of resource especially in a country like Pakistan."
Well I agree with you on that one, but sometimes they don't have a choice. We are living in a world ruled by men, and for most of the time, I think we don't have choice, except to surrender our career, our ambitions for the good of our family. ( I am talking about the general population of Pakistan).
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some very nice views there Minime, Mariah and everyone. Like Lusi mentioned that education makes a person better deal with the situation. My question was that whatever happens after marriage is not a big deal because you understand the situation and act accordingly. However the bigger issue is the thought process of most girls just before and after the marriage where they sound so confused and helpless. I respect women who give up their professional lives to take care of their families and be stay-at-home moms, equally to the women taking care of both aspects of their lives.
The points raised by Lusi and Mariah, about women going to skools and then not making any use of it, are valid but one has to realize that women settling down in pakistan have to face different situation and there primary responsibilty is the husband and kids and once that has been taken care of then she should be allowed to do whatever she feels like doing.
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I think the level of confusion and helplessnes depend on the encouragement and support a girl gets from her family. The more support and encouragement you get from your family, the more confident you will be and vice versa.
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I think for woman they need support...many times husbands or family members don't support her in order to fulfill dreams. I really have a lot of dreams myself and inshallah hoping to fulfill them. If girls have the support of their husbands to get out of their shell and do something with their lives I am sure they would take the opportunity. But another thing is that woman in our society have that notion stuck in their head of taking care of the family, etc etc. And its just a matter of getting them out of that notion. I think that all woman should have the opportunity to fulfill all their dreams after marriage as they do before marriage!
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What a bunch of hogwash. There is no such thing as waste of education. You don't measure the productivity/usefulness of your education with the amount of dollars/rupees you bring in. Education is supposed to enhance your way of thinking, and better your way of handling life's problems and challenges. Contrary to what MiniMe says, there is a big difference IMO between the upbringing an educated woman from some pind as compared to the upbringing a college educated woman can provide. Even as a wife, I beleive educated females would be much greater asset to a husband as compared to someone who has no clue how the world works.
Successfully managing a home and raising kids is a much harder job than anything you will ever find out there in the "professional" world. It may be a lot less glamorous but it earns the most respect in my eyes.
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=MiniMe My gripe is with all the ladies who go to professional institutes, like UET or FJMC and then choose to stay home. This is what I don’t like, it’s a waste of resource especially in a country like Pakistan.
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But arent these educated women going to be passing on thier knowledge to thier children, the future generation, who will in turn have more ambition and skills, therefore being in invaluable asset when they are ready to serve thier country?
An educated woman is as much of an asset at home as she is in the workplace.
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like i said education teaches you how to better deal with the situation. Ofcourse educated women will better take care of the kids will help the husband with the home finances and stuff. To sum it all she will be contributing almost equally towards the marriage with completing her responsibilities effeciently.
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It’s not really all negative.
Consider this: Most women in the western world no longer marriage and children in their plans, or they put them off for a long long time.
Many men, especially desi men, ned women who are adaptable to their career plans and that makes life difficult if you have certain fixed ideas about what you want to do and where. Also when you have common cultural norms some things tend to be taken for granted and so the need for planning isn’t considered paramount. Of course things ARE changing and I do hope young people are able to communicate about decisions that are important to them.
Consider also that while a career can be important and fulfilling, careers and money aren’t what hapiness and fulfilment are all about. In fact it seems to be just the opposite. Families are sacrificed when careers take over and there is no time left for people to spend together. A marriage takes an investment of time. There are more unhappy people, more broken marriages than ever before.
I’m not saying that planning for a career isn’t important, but that if it isn’t there then it isn’t a sign that people are not thinking about important things.
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You can’t fight biology. Women crave motherhood.
Which society are you alluding to?
A good friend of mine went back to Pakistan and got married there. His wife, an educated woman, fell into a “routine” domestic life here in the USA despite his encouragement and support. She wants children. He is very ambitious and wants his wife to do something professional as well, heck anything. He has mentioned being “trapped” on a couple of occassions and floated the D word in our conversationsl.