Ok, I see you all here raising some very good topics and coming up with very good points over various topics, which is a very good thing. My question is: Are you like this in real life as well? Meaning, do you get involved in conversations among aunties and make yourself heard over these various issue and let them know your opinions and tell that their thinking is old etc.? Ya sirf online hi sherniz bani phirti ho?
Me? I am like this in real life as well. If I don’t like a discussion of uncles and I want to say something and give my opinion, I would butt in tell them they are wrong (if they are) and this is what should be done or this is how it should be done etc. Most of desi girls I’ve seen here are like “whatever, we don’t care. we’ll just sit quietly and be good girls”.
So do you also take part in real life discussions or no? For example the thread where we are talking about girl and boy should talk to each other before they get married and parents have old thinking etc.? It’ll be fun to listen to your answers.
In the past, I've voiced my opinions on religious matters amongst grownups. The result has not been good, so I've greatly cut down on it. I no longer bother to correct them, as they won't listen either way and it eventually gets me into trouble. As for my voicing my opinions about everyday issues, no, I can't be bothered.
However, I often actively voice my opinions amongst my friends and cousins. They seem to have what it takes to listen and respect'em for the most part even if they happen to have different a viewpoint.
Don't you know that unless your married with kids and your cooking is up to par, you can't really get a word in with the aunties. They hardly take a a second to breathe, let alone let us single girls speak.
well it depends on how free i am with the aunty, i wouldn't fight with them or raise my voice with them ofcourse, but yes i have had discussions on various topics
needless to say, i am always there to set things right, be it an aunty or uncle. Often labelled as the big mouth, my mom says i do too much of baq baq, thats not how fine ladies are suppose to be, but i am greatful to my parents that they have given me the oppurutnity to opinine on anything i have wanted to. Its never been haw hai tum larki ho u shoudnt speak in such matters...
Sadiyah Yes. I knew it's much easier to talk to friends and coursins etc. because they are at our same age level and think like us. They know what it feels like being heard etc. But it's the grown ups that have a different method of thinking in most cases because of the age gap.
Another question to ladies
Now that some of you have agreed to what I already said (moms say fine ladies don't do bukbuk etc), do you think guys get away with it? Do you think guys are able to say whatever they want and parents treat them differently than girls who can't get away with voicing their opinions? How do you feel when that's the case when you were told to be quiet and just mind your own business but your brother or cousin etc. was encouraged to speak, or your parents approached to him for his opinion? Share your feelings at that time.
well in our family girls and boys are given equal importance and sabHon kee feelings ka khayal rakha jata hae is lyay un ki opinions bhee suni jati haen. zahir hae kuch maamlon mein larkyon ko expertise hoti hae aur kuch mein larkon ko is lyay un maamlon mein difference hoti hae lekin waise nai. in our family it has never happenned that jus coz anyone is a girl she is told to keep quiet, balkay hamari family mein toh oRton maRdon se bhee zaada bolTi haen
^ Aurtein tou har family mein, har muhalley mein, har shehar mein, har soobey mein, har mulk mein, halk barr-e-aazam mein, har planet par mardon sey ziada bolti hain
I am told, “yeh bachoun kay karnay ki baat nahi hia”. Or," hum nay tum say zaida dunya daikhi hai" Thats with my mom and her side of the family usually.
With Abbu, he usually listens to what I have to say. Same with his side of the family.
Aunties and Uncles: it depends but usually i dont speak unless I am asked to or I feel especially strong about a topic.
My opinion is always valued. Among my friends I can talk freely about what I think. I do the same wth my mother, even though it’s bit more difficult to coherently express myself with her (I speak only urdu/punjabi, not english, withmy parents) but I do manage to get my point across. When it coems to aunties, I just mind my own business 1) because I don’t want to make an idiot of myself with my “american/maaaaadraaarrrrrnnnn values” (bullsht) and 2) i dn’t really understand what they’re talking about (the hardcore punjabi i can’t understand ). I’m free, to a certain extent, withmy father as well, I know he won’t say “oye chup kaar pagal.” In fact, it’s only my brother who tells me to stfu whenever I try to say somethign in family discussions…
answer to first question: don't even bother. you have to be proven over the years that whatever advice you give, it is relevant and good to the topic. and since mashallah say all my elders are still alive, therefore the next generations are still young. therefore, their opinions are not taken into consideration. so, basically, jab ammi aur papa hi choti si baat nahin suntay to khalain waghaira to bahar ki baat hai.
answer to second question: i have cousins, whose opinions are asked by the elders, namely my mamoon, but, yea, one of them is a guy. he is approached when there is a huge family crisis, among others. but on the other hand, his sister, is good for fashion and stuff. i don't think i recall a moment when she was asked her opinion of what should happen. but i am not saying it is done because he is a guy, basically, i have heard from my mamoon that he has grown over the years, and that he does give good advice or opinions. but then again, his sister, she doesn't speak when something happens. and you know what, i have noticed that usually whatever my brother says, my ammi always listens to him. par if i tell my ammi, kay gari kay wipers on kar lain, she didn't listen to what i say. and that really irked me. like, my opinion doesn't really matter? so it's almost like i am not even a contributing member of the family. but i have seen that my dad would ask me about most of the stuff. not big issues ofcourse ( cause i am still a bachi compared to others) but big enough.
With my parents yeah of course. Other than that, my family is way too antisocial and we dont have dawats or go to dawats too much. If they do, I usually dont come with them since I have other stuff to work on normally.
Otherwise, in my visits to Pakistan I’ll say some racy stuff that will make the family usually raise their eyebrows once in a while - although most of what I say, they actually agree with - especially the stuff about women.
All the uncles have daughters so they concur with me that men are pigs.
well, actually i try to avoid such discussions as much as possible cz if i really set my mind to "teach" the people, people get scared. but mostly i dont care about other people. what i care about is what my parents care about. and since they agree with me (rarely they disagree with me and even if they do, they do not condemn or anything), i dont need to explain them things. i dont get into conversation with people who i know would have an opnion i would not like.
^ Lekin apni opinion na bataana bhi achi baat nahi.
If I know someone is doing something wrong, it's really hard for me to turn my face and sit quietly. I guess it's in my nature to butt and try to tell that person that what you are doing is wrong, you shouldn't be doing this. This is the right way. If they listen to me, fine, if not, then atleast I don't feel bad about not doing the right thing.
na i am not saying i will turn back someone who is asking for my sincere advice…nearly everyone loves coming from that high ground…advice givings all right with me, but faltto discussions, i dont know, its not in my nature…i actually dont like sitting down with aunties n indulging them intellectually…un ka waqt chala gaya bhaee, ab un kai views badal aki maira kiya faida…
ye toh hae :Pagri: 
Thats with my mom and her side of the family usually.
