Say you’re married to a nice man who respects and loves you. However, he does not get along with your mother a tiny bit owing to your mother’s behavior early on in the relationship. Your husband is deeply offended by your mother’s attitude and does not want to see her. You know your mother is wrong, but she is your mother. Would you be willing to continue the relationship?
Re: A Question for Ladies
Depends how rich he is.
It's not really about who is right and wrong, it's about what is right and wrong and if someone's wrong then they are wrong, no matter who they are. If two people don't get along then they don't get along, you deal with it.
Re: A Question for Ladies
agree with milly, many a times we see girls dont get along with their mils but still men carry on with the relationship ......you dont have to get along with the whole world BUT the respect element should not be let go of your hands.
Re: A Question for Ladies
I can only say from personal experiences, that i would never keep a man who does not respect parents ( and it doesn't matter who's parents they are).
So my boytoy isn't such a fan of my dad, and the reasons are legitimate. BUT, he's still my father, therefore, hubby to be keeps a good attitude. He might not get all friendly with him, but he will give him all the respect that a parent deserves.
In your scenario, the couple is already married, so the "continuation of the relationship," isn't a choice, its a must. This is not a big enough reason to split a marriage. At first try to sit both parties down for common ground. If its not possible, both of them need to force this behind them and put a fake smile on.
Re: A Question for Ladies
I have a cousin in this same problem. Her mother has really been out of line. She wanted her daughter to marry a doctor, and she ended up marrying a travel agent. Who incidentally had no respect for her medical career, and forced her to drop it. The mom was rightfully angry, because in Pakistan, you dont get med loans...you go to med school...you pay for it from your pocket. So the family's investment was totally wasted, and since she didn't have much time spent in working, she couldn't pay back her parents for the money spent on her education (family has no sons).
So, her mom never loses a moment to give direct gaalian to her son-in-law whenever she sees him. There was also some question of him possibly hitting her, which no one ended up believing...which was sad.
Needless to say, he avoids his in-laws whenever possible...
But one could argue that her mom has every right to be angry over what's been done to her daughter...
Re: A Question for Ladies
^.. has been done to her daughter?.. her daughter is dhood peetii bachi???
on the original question....
it doesnt matter who is right who is wrong and who dont wanna see who..... there are definitely tons of occasion where both ( mother and husband) has to see eachother no matter what... i would expect both to pay regards to eachother formally and step aside.... nothing more than that... no i wont discontinue the relationship after being married......
agree with milly, many a times we see girls dont get along with their mils but still men carry on with the relationship ......you dont have to get along with the whole world BUT the respect element should not be let go of your hands.
very well said.
^.. has been done to her daughter?.. her daughter is dhood peetii bachi???
lol. i agree.
Re: A Question for Ladies
It has all to do with compromise, and patience. My grand mother didn't allow my mum or dad to meet my mum's mother for 7 years but she waited it out and in the mean time was a great daughter in law/wife etc and at last she was allowed everything was all good. Nowadays women don't have patience at all, and this is why divorce is going up. No one is willing to compromise and everyone makes it a matter of their ego. No one is willing to back down. Calm down everyone.
^.. has been done to her daughter?.. her daughter is dhood peetii bachi???
I don't know what you mean here, I agree with PCG that it was wrong of them to not allow her the career she had before she was married. Hitting a son in law and galiyaan stuff is out of line for sure though..
As for the original question, if my guy doesn't get along with my mom a TINY bit- he's gonna have to swallow his pride and show them the respect they deserve. I will acknowledge the fact that my mom was wrong and appreciate him being nice to her even after all that. There's no question of not continuing the relation- that's not a choice for me!
It has all to do with compromise, and patience. My grand mother didn't allow my mum or dad to meet my mum's mother for 7 years but she waited it out and in the mean time was a great daughter in law/wife etc and at last she was allowed everything was all good. Nowadays women don't have patience at all, and this is why divorce is going up. No one is willing to compromise and everyone makes it a matter of their ego. No one is willing to back down. Calm down everyone.
So would u wait 7 years to see your mom because of your MIL's command?
Re: A Question for Ladies
I would expect my husband to show respect to my parents whether he likes them or not. .and for whatever reason... and If i'm married already.. that won't make me discontinue my relationship with him ofcourse.
Re: A Question for Ladies
Yaar acting bhee akhir koi cheez hoti ha .
Say you're married to a nice man who respects and loves you. However, he does not get along with your mother a tiny bit owing to your mother's behavior early on in the relationship. Your husband is deeply offended by your mother's attitude and does not want to see her. You know your mother is wrong, but she is your mother. Would you be willing to continue the relationship?
Yes, I would. I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to see her, I'd prob be the same if the situation was reversed but eventually I'd expect them to patch it up.
Yes, I would. I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to see her, I'd prob be the same if the situation was reversed but eventually I'd expect them to patch it up.
What if patching up is not possible and all attempts result in your husband getting offended more? Your mother would never apologize for her behavior and instead justify all what she had been doing. You clearly know and acknowledge who has been right, but would always expect your husband to budge.
Now ... your husband does not try to stop you from meeting/calling your mother, but himself is least interested in calling/meeting her. At family occasions where encounters are unavoidable, he would just say salam and move away. He does not appreciate her coming to your house too often and says nothing more than salam when she visits.
Views?
Re: A Question for Ladies
If he expects me to have respect for his mother and father regardless of my dislike of what they do or say, I expect the same from him. I don't like double standards, so I will say something about it. Compromise comes from both sides, not only the woman's side.
Like falafel said respect is key to these sorts of relationships. If my future husband didn't get on with my parents then I wouldn't expect him to be best friends with them. However, I would expect him to respect them just as he would expect the same from me.
Saying that I wouldn't make a rash decision and leave him for that sole reason...It would be a significant issue that we would have to talk over and sort out.
It has all to do with compromise, and patience. My grand mother didn't allow my mum or dad to meet my mum's mother for 7 years but she waited it out and in the mean time was a great daughter in law/wife etc and at last she was allowed everything was all good. Nowadays women don't have patience at all, and this is why divorce is going up. No one is willing to compromise and everyone makes it a matter of their ego. No one is willing to back down. Calm down everyone.
Hmmm interesting point and I do somewhat agree that a lot of marriages break up because people don't have enough sabr nowadays and they are unwilling to make compromises. But being forbidden to not meet the woman who brought you up, cared for you, played an integral role in your upbringing... Surely, that's a compromise too far?
Also, what I don't understand is why a woman has to listen to unnecessary demands from her mother in law? I could understand if her husband forbade her to do something but what right does the MIL have to make demands like that? As far as i'm concerned I'm not marrying my MIL.
Re: A Question for Ladies
sadly, this is a common practice now days. I have actually heard of a story where the MIL forbade her daughter in law to meet her parents, change her clothing etc etc and forced her son to give her a divorce because she wouldnt agree to her MILs crazy demands...
yes everyone should be respectful of each other weather they like them or not. there are limits and boundaries that everyone should stay in.
Re: A Question for Ladies
I would try to talk to my husband and explain him that how he respects his parents and listens to them I am going to do the same thing, but it would make it easier for me if he made some effort to get along. I wouldn't exactly compare myself with MIL because it can create a problem in future and he can say that you are doing this because I did that...