I have been noticing this behavior and while I won’t generalize and say its a “desi” thing, most of my circle is comprised of desis and naturally thats where I get my observations from.
Why si it, in order to praise one thing (or person), people resort to putting something (or someone) else down deliberately?
A minor example, I like restaurant A while my friend likes restaurant B. There’s nothing wrong with B but my companion may say “restaurant A is horrible b/c of this, this is why B is better.”
I’ve noticed the same behavior with people…its not enough to say a person is good or nice but also they have to say the other person is bad…
is it fair that things must always be compared? can something thats good not stand alone on its good qualities?
I haven't noticed that. But if the discussion was about restaurants, your companion might have brought up restaurant A to show that she has had experience eating there...and then elaborated on why she didn't like it. She may not have had ill-intentions. Don't take it personally. She's entitled to her opinion and her beliefs are not going to change how you feel about restaurant A. Staying calm about it reflects your confidence in your own opinions.
While it might be that some people feel the need to bring others down out of spite.....I think that elaborating on your opinions is just part of socializing for some people. So, it doesn't just seem like the "like something"....or "dislike it".....just for the heck of it..but have reasons for it.
:k: Maybe they are trying to prove their point to you (coz you like it & they don’t)
Its not necessary to always compare things to show one is better than other.
One thing i have noticed (sometimes tho) is that suppose out of two things A & B, everyone knows A is the best & if someone say A is best, the other would seem like a follower saying the same thing so to be different they’d say B is better (although they know it isn’t) & then they’d dis A to prove their point.
yuppp...i definitely notice that in the posts on GS.
working women like to point out issues with SAHMS being lazy, materialistic, dumb etc. to prove that they are more worthy of a man's attention.
single women like pointing out issues with married women being lazy, materialistic, dumb, etc to prove that they are worth marrying.
women with college degrees and above like to point out the less educated, pakistani, women as lazy, materialistic, dumb etc to prove that guys should be more open to marrying older girls who spent time studying/working.
ABCDs like to point out FOBs and FOBs will retaliate by pointing out how ABCDs are lazy, materialistic, and dumb, etc...
you get the drift. its really annoying. but its what desis do, unfortunately.
^ Yes but the shortcomings of something else shouldn't be a reason to like something, don't you think?
I can accept it for restaurants and stuff, but it shouldn't be like that with people.
For example, I can say, "someone is a great person for this and that reason" NOT "someone is great b/c the other person is bad."
I wouldn't suggest explaining why you don't like someone. Especially in a social setting...can't trust people...word can spread...and create for gossip/drama.
I haven't experience that in the social gatherings I've attended....not among my friends.
Hmm, the next time someone badmouths a person....you can try to diffuse/steer the conversation in a more positive direction by either saying a more neutral comment such as "Oh, we're all different...compatibility varies.".....or....if you know a positive quality of the person that's being criticized....your can bring that up. So, the listeners have something good to hear about one that's being gossiped about. Get some reward for doing something you don't have to do. ;)
yuppp...i definitely notice that in the posts on GS.
working women like to point out issues with SAHMS being lazy, materialistic, dumb etc. to prove that they are more worthy of a man's attention.
single women like pointing out issues with married women being lazy, materialistic, dumb, etc to prove that they are worth marrying.
women with college degrees and above like to point out the less educated, pakistani, women as lazy, materialistic, dumb etc to prove that guys should be more open to marrying older girls who spent time studying/working.
ABCDs like to point out FOBs and FOBs will retaliate by pointing out how ABCDs are lazy, materialistic, and dumb, etc...
you get the drift. its really annoying. but its what desis do, unfortunately.
LOL!!!! i wasn't even thinking of that but yes perfect examples indeed :D
I have been noticing this behavior and while I won't generalize and say its a "desi" thing, most of my circle is comprised of desis and naturally thats where I get my observations from.
Why si it, in order to praise one thing (or person), people resort to putting something (or someone) else down deliberately?
A minor example, I like restaurant A while my friend likes restaurant B. There's nothing wrong with B but my companion may say "restaurant A is horrible b/c of this, this is why B is better."
I've noticed the same behavior with people....its not enough to say a person is good or nice but also they have to say the other person is bad....
is it fair that things must always be compared? can something thats good not stand alone on its good qualities?
As for the topic people mainly do it because they seem to think bashing someone (who both don’t like) or something will give them ‘something in common’
As for the topic people mainly do it because they seem to think bashing someone (who both don't like) or something will give them 'something in common'
As for the topic people mainly do it because they seem to think bashing someone (who both don't like) or something will give them 'something in common'
I dont know!
maybe. now where are the psych(o) majors of GS who can explain this behavior?
Our traditional games and sports (kite fighting, kabaddi, etc.) and even wedding traditions and songs are based on putting your 'opponents' down. Its a cultural thing, I guess.
Sara, I've noticed the same thing, in both men and women of diff ages. What differentiates these people from the one's who don't put down others' choices just because it isn't their own? their education level. It's sad to say, but I see trend in adults more than I do with my peers.
It could be a defense mechanism type of thing, where an individual tries to justify their actions / choices to themselves by putting something else down, thus making themselves feel good about their action / choice.
