not enough getting to know each other - on both sides, ('inside out and ins and outs) - relevance and referent points should be ‘clear’ and not ‘muffled’ to justify escapes when one has oneself failed in presenting a fair and good view of the other side - alibis and half truths wont work and they should never be used to one’s own advantage. ultimately they lead to a bad end. an educated person should at least RECOGNIZE this!
not realizing that both sides have stressors (work, parents’ family, career advancement, studies, finances) other than the relationship itself that is developing still or was..
pressure from other people around oneself (but is it not that in adulthood, one should have no pressures from other people, as people do take risks esp. where regard is a precondition as a safety net?) - either one should not have gone in and ahead or one should be prepared to do all one can, to save oneself from the guilt of hurting someone’s feelings and being unfair with them, unless the person who is doing it, is doing this knowingly for reasons best known to them, but they must be courageous enough to own up to their own short comings. No one is perfect.
balance between intellectual exchange on outlook on life or arguments on issues, not directly related to the two who are ‘forming’ a relationship, to hopefully be able to understand each other fairly good enough)
if not good feelings of trust, respect, openness, as emotions, then fears (being afraid is an emotion and a feeling) should not guide the decision on marrying a particular person, either!
shamelessly making promises and then breaking them in UNACCEPTABLE and must be corrected
an apology due must be made, on both sides
correcting the absence of ethically intimate interaction prior to marrying - (clarification - only in controlled discussion manner to make sure that compatibility will be there)
misinterpreting communicated ideas and views, notice both the bad but also the good in someone, not just the bad as everyone has bad in them, and sometimes, it is not the person, but their behavior that should be understood empathically and then an effort can be initiated to bring change together, without being offensive, demanding and self righteous
reading too much into the emotions of anger or frustrations and being unaware that double standards are actually in fact one major sad reason why a relationship is being and was deliberately being destroyed to led to its failure - motives must be clear, people should know they cannot have it all, they cannot be players in building a relationship that is supposed to be a blessing and a life long partnership
coming at least half way to address the confusion, misunderstandings, and not just rushing away due to current ‘mess ness’ of a relationship
realizing that it was wrong to leave especially in a manner that is unfair and disregarding of the other sides’ goodness
one can work on anything to make it work, if, one wants to work on something for a good result, otherwise, it is a loss and a failure and a waste of time, and personal hurt is immeasurably borne by one side
having said some of it, now getting to the issue: ethically, no one woman or man, should back off in proposals, without allowing time and honesty to play out the pluses and minuses, on either side.
the ayet 2:216 in Quran. “Fighting may be imposed on you, even though you dislike it. But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know.”, can go both ways, but when applied to the context of woman- man relationships, how would we as Muslims and Musalimahs, be just in applying it, in terms of pre marriage, decisions and their consequences?