a little reason before love couldn't hurt

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I don’t think you should get engaged or even think about marrying someone you like until you

  1. Really know each other really well. Everyone is ‘nice’ in the beginning.

  2. Are aware of just how much responsibility is required in a relationship.

  3. You have really sat down and talked about all the serious issues and concerns both of you may have…

From what I’ve seen seems hardly anybody does that? The parents just ask

oh how much money does he make? Wa! Wa!

Can she cook and she clean? Is she pretty? mashallah!

What do the parents do? What is the family like?

yeah, right! As if all the members of a family have exactly the same personality and they will all be totally honest to you about everything!?

Then if you ask the couple to be ..their concerns are even more ridiculous!!?

For the guy it’s basically ’ yeah she’s hot!’

and for the girl its that plus she’s just all excited about all the crap she’ll get!?

I had a friend ..actually this happens quite a bit… who suddenly out of the blue was all excited cause she’s engaged now!? Pretty much over night?

I was really suprised cause she never said anything about liking or meeting anyone etc. Anyhow basically some guy of her parents choosing was brought over for tea and she decided she liked him and now they are engaged?!

So I thought ok that’s nice as long as she likes him and is happy. When I asked her about him she said 'oh I dunno I don’t really know him. ’

I’m sorry but how in the world can you be so stupid to get engaged to someone you don’t even know!?

You know this sort of thing doesn’t even suprise me anymore?! I’ll have friends come by all excited cause they just met some guy/girl they really like and know this is ‘the one!’ and when you ask them about the person they are clueless?!

Now growing up you simply don’t know better.. As kids I’m sure we’ve all thought we were gonna marry the first person we had a crush on.

You know in an ideal world it really should be that simple.

But eventually you gotta grow up and be a little more responsibile and realistic about the whole deal.

I just don’t know what to say to these people anymore? They’ll usually come back crying to me all confused and angry cause once again things did not work out!?

2

one my friends got married last week..n shes already complaining :-/

3

It takes ages to get to know someone really well and anyway, people change after they get married so you cant get to know them. Everyone is always all nice nice before they get married, but the true personality shows after you get married.

You also dont always get a chance to get to know someone before you marry them, there are alot of restrictions in our culture.

Anyway, my mum is getting me to come to pakistan to meet someone and she said that if we both said yes, she would get our nikah done, Im only coming over for three weeks! So i refused and said that I would see him but if I liked him, I would marry him later so that I could get to know him. But my mum says that I wont get to know him properly till I marry him.

But the main thing in picking a prospective partner is looks and money because of the fact that you cant really get to know someone before marriage in our culture, so personailty doesnt come into it.