Last night I had a very disturbing nightmare about life after marriage. So far I was being quite realistic about it all, was not tense at all about setting out on my own. But the dream showed me having no clue what to do in a house of my own, unable to multitask, and as petty as this might seem, completely out of my element in an undecorated space. And the undecorated uncarpeted part is the scariest for me!
So how well did you all cope in shifting homes and building one of your own? It is very easy to just occupy a space, to build a home, now thats a challenge. Not many freshly married couples do a good job of making a home in the first few years. How easily did you manage? How long did it take before you made a home?
It takes time and like any other task in life,you learn as you grow.
When we got married we never had a lot.Just the basics,regarding everything... ...in your words,an undecorated house.It might not have been beautiful to look at for others,but I have fond memories of that tiny apartment because that is where we started.
Not to sound like boasting,but my parents' house had pretty much everything I never had in the initial years pf my marriage.BUT I also know that when they started their lives some 35 years ago,they never even had what I had to start with and they very lovingly built the place we cherish and love today.
In a few years we had more stuff,the decorations and all and later on moved houses...bought more stuff as we moved on in life.
I am not sure why you say that not many newly weds do a good job at it...because for sure it takes time.
And I still feel that we are 'making' our home every single time we do something.First it was the 2 of us,last year after we had our daughter our perspective kinda changed,in a good way.
IMO there is not a fixed number of years that it takes to make a home..it is an ongoing process.You learn everything as you go and grow as a person,as a spouse and then later as a parent...
And you don't have to possess material things to make a space a home.Love,respect and understanding and patience does that..!
It takes time and like any other task in life,you learn as you grow.
When we got married we never had a lot.Just the basics,regarding everything... ...in your words,an undecorated house.It might not have been beautiful to look at for others,but I have fond memories of that tiny apartment because that is where we started.
Not to sound like boasting,but my parents' house had pretty much everything I never had in the initial years pf my marriage.BUT I also know that when they started their lives some 35 years ago,they never even had what I had to start with and they very lovingly built the place we cherish and love today.
In a few years we had more stuff,the decorations and all and later on moved houses...bought more stuff as we moved on in life.
I am not sure why you say that not many newly weds do a good job at it...because for sure it takes time.
And I still feel that we are 'making' our home every single time we do something.First it was the 2 of us,last year after we had our daughter our perspective kinda changed,in a good way.
IMO there is not a fixed number of years that it takes to make a home..it is an ongoing process.You learn everything as you go and grow as a person,as a spouse and then later as a parent...
And you don't have to possess material things to make a space a home.Love,respect and understanding and patience does that..!
All the best...!!
Thanks for a lovely reply. I just mean that I recently saw a house of a couple who have been married for quite a while, around four years and I understand not having material things enough to put into a house, but Id expect that you keep your home tidy and make do with less, rather than allow it to look like a clutter. I myself was just feeling overwhelmed by the effort it takes to make a house look like a home. Plants and pictures and good rugs go a long way though, what do u think?
Well if that is the case,then it depends on the person.Some people really really know how to make do with the least and some might have a lot but still don’t have the ‘saleeqa’ to do it.I wonder why the people you are talking about never bothered to clean up he clutter because the only thing that can hinder that is actually not being bothered by it or not having the habit of having a clutter free space..
Kinda unrelated,but I remember my mom telling us about the maid she used to have at her home.She used to do the cleaning and a few times my mom had to drop her off at her house.Ammi told us that despite very limited resources she had done efforts to decorate her tiny house.Like use wrapping paper to wrap up empty yogurt containers and put some artificial plants in it etc.
And I agree that small things like plants and rugs and wall decor and frames do brighten up a place…!..
Its all trial and error, just like everything else. It also depends on what kind of life you’ve had before marriage. If you’ve been away from home as a student, perhaps it is not that much of a shock. But if you’ve had a sheltered life at home, then maybe it will take some adjusting. I remember, when my husband and I moved to our first house, he called his best friend and said ‘yaar bara ajeeb sa lag raha hai, hum dono akele akele hain’!
Oh, and I used to call my mum atleast 30 times a day just to ask random stuff like where should I put the ironing board or what should I do with the burnt cooking pots!!!
After about 10 years you will look back with nostalgia so just relax and enjoy these moments…
