My in-laws are coming from Pakistan to live with my husband and I forever. I need tips on how to get along with the in-laws, mainly my mother in law. i have not spend much time with her , but we have visited them twice for a 2-3 months period. There are somethings that irritate me the most, like she compares herself with me , as in doing make up or cooking. And, i have a very short temper. The point is, i really respect them and i don’t want to end up in a bad relationship with them and make our lives miserable. So people please advice me about the do’s and the don’ts.
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
Well, for starters.......
Do's
Do cook like your MIL.
Do apply make up like your MIL.
Do keep your temper.
Do be just like her.
Monkey see, monkey do.
Dont's:
Don't cook differently from MIL.
Don't apply make up differently from MIL.
Don't loose your temper.
Don't try to be unlike MIL.
Don't feed the monkey peanuts.
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
lol
just be respectful, nice, and smile.
if they're jerks, just keep smiling.
what goes around, comes around.
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
That's easier said than done. What you're saying is true, however its not sustainable in a long-term relationship where you're living and interacting with these people on a daily basis.
Being respectful, nice, and smiling works when you're meeting/spending time with the MIL in small doses (for example, once a month). I was doing that, and it was working fine for a few years when my husband and I were not living with the in-laws.
But most likely, she won't be able to maintain this patience indefinitely and she will crack, perhaps in 2 months, or 6 months, or a year. Either way, if that happens, it will end up in a big blow-out.
What would work here is finding a happy medium, where there's compromise from both sides.
This can be difficult to achieve if one side is not ready to bend at all.
My MIL is like that. When I do (or was doing) everything she expected, there was no acknowledgement, much less appreciation. However, whenever I was slightly off the line (in her opinion. In my opinion, I was being perfectly normal) she had a huge issue with it. I know for a fact that my relationship with her is going to crash and burn.
Hopefully, the MIL in question here will be more reasonable, and things will work out fine.
lol
just be respectful, nice, and smile.
if they're jerks, just keep smiling.
what goes around, comes around.
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
First make a list of all the things that people can do that irritate you, in next column write down how you typically respond, in the 3rd column write down a better way to respond.
Talk to your husband about how you both can make your home a happy and a loving environment for everyone. Talk through on how he can diffuse the situation if MIL and you both get upset. The #1 priority here should be how can all of you live together peacefully & happily considering it has already been decided that they will live with you.
Work on how you can respond better if things get to you. Why do you have a short fuse? Why do you get angry? Anger is most often reflexive when people feel threatened. Make a list of things that you are most attached to. What makes you feel threathened and what do you care most about. Hopefully all this thinking and listing will help you figure out how to manage yourself better.
If not, find yourself a good therapist who can coach you through this transition period.
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
thanks for all the great advices guys. i will definitely work on these things.
. Smile is a charity :)
Re: A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
lol
just be respectful, nice, and smile.
if they're jerks, just keep smiling.
what goes around, comes around.
Ditto!
A Healthy In-Laws Relationship tips
Realizing the smallest things like the way you garam roti, put dishes in the dish washer, which kettle to use for chai, time you wakeup, etc, will be an issue (true story) and catching these habits before it gives inlaws a reason to snap. But obviously you have to go through it to know what makes em snap so try and analyze then monkey see and monkey do..
My second advice, ask hubby for your/his car and keep yourself busy as possible to not have time for the petty crap. Although I know, being out of the house so much will also be an issue but we've got to pick our battles. I rather fight for my right to freedom (keeping busy in school or work) rather than about the ****ty job I did cooking or cleaning and constantly dealing with being treated with the third degree every hour of everyday. Oh and keep in mind if your working they are going to want in on your wallet too or expect you to pay some of the bills "because you live there too" (also true story), hopefully hubby can handle that bit for you.
Keep expectations low by doing the bare minimum (you will still be labelled as a lazy good for nothing human being DIL) BUT in my opinion that's better than breaking your back with housework and they still not happy with your ways and having to deal with the constant mental torture.
Whatever you do, do not let your spirit break. Stay true to yourself.
:) good luck! Although you are still in a good spot since they are coming to live with you and not the other way around so just remind hubby he'll have to slowly help them ease into living with you guys.