Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
Ghost14 (quoting on my phone is annoying, so ill just respond like this)
I completely agree with you about rishta economics, such is life. However I disagree that it absolves men from being responsible for their superficiality. If I have a choice between two guys, and one of them is more suited to my personality, my age, my lifestyle and I choose the one who makes more money simply because of that then I am shallow.
However I guess you can say that since arrange marriages happen, they have to be shallow. You attribute points based on criteria and whoever wins numerically wins. 19 year old 10 points, can control her 8, has a well paying job 6, expects to be treated like a human being -20
I guess in a system such as this, Pakistani women should know better, but I think they /we keep hoping people will do/be better
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
PCG - I was thinking about the IT guy from your previous thread. I don't agree with the guy but its good that he was honest, because for someone like me right off the bat I would know we aren't compatible. I know relationships where one person can dictate another work for some,but I already have parents I don't need another one.
I can share decisions based on who has more experience and skill, but I will not give up decisions of my life or pick up obligations from someone else because of my gender.
I have no problem sharing my life, no problem with compromise but I refuse to accept 49% of general power because that might as well be 1%. No one party gets to dictate the life of the other
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
Ghost14 (quoting on my phone is annoying, so ill just respond like this)
I completely agree with you about rishta economics, such is life. However I disagree that it absolves men from being responsible for their superficiality. If I have a choice between two guys, and one of them is more suited to my personality, my age, my lifestyle and I choose the one who makes more money simply because of that then I am shallow.
However I guess you can say that since arrange marriages happen, they have to be shallow. You attribute points based on criteria and whoever wins numerically wins. 19 year old 10 points, can control her 8, has a well paying job 6, expects to be treated like a human being -20
I guess in a system such as this, Pakistani women should know better, but I think they /we keep hoping people will do/be better
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
Your hyperbole is tiring...
I can see how it would be. It doesn't serve the end goal of excusing a gold chunk of the population for acting like( what's a nice word for douchenozzle)
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
Giving up my delusions about my culture and the kind of people who practice it, has already freed me. I wish more people tried rational and free thought, its honestly not that expensive
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
^It's not uncommon for girls to end up liking guys they might not have been physically attracted to at the beginning..
If a guy isn't (conventionally) good-looking but has a nice personality I'd think he still stands a good chance of finding someone..
When you are physically attracted to only 15 out of 100 young men, it is obvious that most of you will end up liking guys you didn't find physically attractive in the **beginning. You don't have to rationalize this tendency of women as maturity or expect props for moral superiority and not being shallow.
Men base attraction primarily on looks. If physical attraction is not there in the beginning chances are her nice personality cant make up for it.
Yet I don't see hordes of women who are unable to attract men, date and have relationships.
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
When you are physically attracted to only 15 out of 100 young men, it is obvious that most of you will end up liking guys you didn't find physically attractive in the **beginning*. You don't have to rationalize this tendency of women as maturity or expect props for moral superiority and not being shallow. *
Men base attraction primarily on looks. If physical attraction is not there in the beginning chances are her nice personalits y cant make up for it.
Yet I don't see hordes of women who are unable to attract men, date and have relationships.
Err I wasn't..
Not sure how you know just how many girls find how many guys attractive or whether they were physically attracted to them in the beginning or not..
I was making a simple point about girls giving them a chance even if there's no initial physical 'pull.' Not sure what your problem is..
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
If you're basing your decision making on spouses, in a muslim setting, on whether you have initial attraction or not (the can-i-sleep with her-her-right-now phenomenon), then may I remind you, that God tells you to marry women not out of lust, but out of virtue.
Which means, you gotta talk to the lady to get to know her. And vice versa for the guys.
Our focus , as desis, is entirely on stupid stuff. The girls are looking at jobs and $$ and the guys are looking at hotness. And those things are all fleeting, and changing. Hence all the divorces.
So, maybe that is the guy's INSTINCT --> to look at a woman, evaluate whether she's hot, and then decide to pursue or NOT. However, that's not what you're SUPPOSED TO DO.
Instinct also tells you to engulf as much cake as you can in 15 seconds or under, and instinct also tells you to not fast or pray, and instinct tells you to sleep instead of work, and instinct tells you to pee on the side of the street instead of finding a bathroom.
So do yourself a favor. Get to know the person and then make a decision. You will be pleasantly surprised, when you stop making up all these stupid requirements.
Re: A Guftogoo Between an American Muslim Man and American Muslim Woman
If you're basing your decision making on spouses, in a muslim setting, on whether you have initial attraction or not (the can-i-sleep with her-her-right-now phenomenon), then may I remind you, that God tells you to marry women not out of lust, but out of virtue.
The can-i-sleep with her-her-right-now attraction is no big deal, actually.
I can safely say that most men feel that attraction towards most young women.
For marriage, we need can-i-wake-up-with-her-in-the-same-bed-everyday-for-rest-of-my-life attraction