I visited my in-laws a while back and we got to visit my wife’s uncles, aunts & cousins as well, at least those who live in the surrounding areas. In one of these visits, I was sitting with the uncle who was more interested in the news on TV than a conversation, so I got in on what the ‘girls’ were talking about. I couldn’t help but notice that the married ones talk a lot about their husbands. Something like one would say “Tipu (her one year old son) sometimes has one of these nights where he just cries and whines and wouldn’t go to sleep & Asif just leaves to go sleep in the other room … as he has to go to work in the morning” The minute she finished her comments all the married ones jumped in to tell what their husband’s do in such a situation. Some of the other things that came up were if we [the husbands] liked tea in the morning, do we jog or not, what music they listen to, how we drive a car .. so on and so forth.
Ok, at that time, I was feeling a bit violated but then I calmed myself down thinking it must be a habit of (nearly) all Desi women. Is it really so?
I mean, guys don’t go on talking about their wife’s behaviors every time something comes up. The information is shared on a need to know basis. Someone asks me how she is doing .. I will give ‘em an honest answer!
I don't know if all women do it
but there are certain ones I know that do it.
Once this women told me whose husband used to sleep
on the floor ....
"mai nay saleem (made up name) ko kaha
merey pas bed pay aa kay laito". Thank lord she decided
not to mention further details, if any.
The cousins u mentioned above prolly see each other a lot etc.
I think it's different when women who are related talk about their husbands and kids.
I just wish some women I know, would know when to stop.
yea women tend to do that, heck im guilty of doin it, but as for private things, its between the two of us, but lil stories , yea i share them, my hbby happens to have one of the best sense of humor ( can be dark n sarcastic at times) but i liek tellin his silly stories.
Well I’m not married lolz but this one time one of my friends who’s married started talking about her husband’s habits in front of me and my other friend who’s not married either.
My other friend was very interested to hear the details but I was just kinda grossed out plus I felt like it wasn’t good for my innocent unmarried ears to hear this stuff :halo: so I was like yaar mujhay na sunao plz so at first she was like Irem you’re a prude blah blah but then she stopped.
Khayr, I don’t think these things should be discussed but the truth is they are! Whenever some of my older cousins get together they always talk about it with each other. The stuff I’ve had to hear, my God I feel scarred for life I just hope I don’t do this inshallah coz yeah as you said it is a violation.
If ladies (ofcourse there are exceptions) can tell their friends what happened (the details) at their first night of the wedding, do you really think they'll hide these everyday things from one another? Some love to bring in their hubbies in every conversation. I am not married but I've been there when newly wed girls used to discuss such topics when I was young. I would find it odd to bring my wife into everything when I would speak to my friends and I'll be ticked off if someone asked me about our private life.
Its not a desi thing- and neither is it a 'girls' thing.
Many women and men tend to share stuff with friends.Its normal.They were simply discussing habits and likes/dislikes.There isnt really any harm in that - in my opinion.
I have personally heard guys discussing such things as their wifes' tempers ,raising kids and other habits.Its harmless enough.Sometimes they joke about it- while other times maybe they are just curious to see what other people are like.
U basically (unintentionaly) give the listener intrest in ur husband, which may lead to either a likeness or hatered to that guy.
If the impression was good, there is a possibility the other lady starts liking ur husband (ke wah ye banda tu kinna acha hai) & this may lead to an extra marital affair…a woman doing bad to herself actually.
Ahh well if she tells ke mera hubby aisa hai wesa (buraiyaan) tu bhi bechara bayfalto mein dosoo ki galiyaan & bad duain leta rahay ga:) & if bad duain asar kerti hain tu wo karain gi & bcos shes attached her hubby those will effect her too.
Women do talk, like all people do, about the things that matter to them. After all how do human beings learn? Conversation is a social tool! Conversation is also a way of exchanging information and unburdening one’s self. It’s basic in establishing relationships.
But conversation, in order to be effective has to be both speaking and listening.
Talk, whether responsible and constructive or negative and irresponsible isn’t confined to women.
I have heard men gossiping – similarly and worse that what you have referred to. We all have our problems and weaknesses. Men’s talk is usually of a different type – and usually it is at it’s worst in all male company. I’m sure that you have heard it so I won’t tell you what its all about.
But when all is said and done I think that men have hard time, like women, speaking about the things that really matter, deep down inside, to them.
I think that one of our big problems today is that we need to learn to both talk and to listen to what people are telling us.
Coming back to the example provided by Ahmadjee, the problem raised by the mother is common – a mother trying to find coping strategies. Obviously the other women in the room did not really hear this mother and simply chimed in with their own horror stories. The originator of the conversation had no useful input and went away with a lot of unnecessary information - It’s not the content per sé of such a conversation that bothers me. I hear great frustration here – everyone talking and no-one listening. And that’s sad.
i don't know if its only limited to girls. i have a friend who is married and he often discusses the issues he has to face specially since its an inter-racial marriage.
its not because he likes to talk about it but i guess it helps to hear somebody's opinion whom u can trust.
as far what u mentioned: i think this is their way of complaining and venting out perhaps. :-) hearing stories from other married women makes them to think as if they are not alone...
I just hope I don’t do this inshallah coz yeah as you said it is a violation.
