A girl in question?

[Bakra24]

[FONT=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif]Was introduced to a girl by my mom as a Rishta. She started coming over to my house and my mom wanted me to get to know her better. We exchanged numbers and she became quickly attached to me. We would talk for hours on end. She said that she has fallen in love with me and that she sees me as her "hubby". I became rather nervous at the pace at which this girl was moving so I told her to hold her horses and let the elders decide. She wanted to get nikkah done as soon as possible so we could "be" together.

[FONT=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif]She said I was the only guy whom she as ever gotten this close to and I'll be the only man to "touch" her. I was like "Okay" she was very bollywood with it. She had all the right dialogues. So as the relationship grew stronger I decided to give her an iPhone. Little did she know that I also set up my face ID to get it unlocked as well. I did it since I was setting it up for her and it needed a face ID to install some apps.

[FONT=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif]We go on a date and she goes to the bathroom and leaves the phone on her table. After a few minutes the phone begins to ring as if someone's messaging her. Like a bunch of texts start coming suddenly. So I think it's an emergency otherwise who would text her in this frantic manner. I grab the phone and unlock it and apparently the messages are from a guy and he's telling her how much he loves her and how much he can't live without her and that the 3 years that they've spent together he doesn't want it to go to waste and now that he's finally convinced his mom to get them both married she's flaking. When I read that it was as if someone stabbed a rat and put it inside my shirt. I didnt know what to do. Not knowing how to confront her I asked her straight away as she came back and she started crying saying that she had a relationship with him 3 years ago and then when she got serious she found out that he drinks so she broke it off. I felt betrayed, because I told her about my past and she said that I was the only man in her life she made me feel like a king.

[FONT=tahoma, geneva, sans-serif]I simply paid the bill got up and left. She came after me crying but I told her I didn't want to speak with her. I haven't spoken to her since nor has she contacted me. I am so conflicted I felt like she made a fool of me. She kept some dude on the side and pretended to be this virgin Mary in front of me. How can I trust her again?

[batameez]

Move on

she can find another bakra

3 years is a long time to find out whether drinks smoke drugs etc etc or not

at least you better not be the first to contact her as she might have move on

[Pakistani_Prince]

well… she lied to you and that makes her case weak. She seemed really desperate to settle down with you and that makes sense given the fact that good rishtas n guys are hard to find. Don’t know but i feel she is not a bad person, she just kept her options open.. If she is still untouched then nothing wrong in considering her again…

[redvelvet]

^Well a woman can be a virgin and still have other qualities within her personality that render her unfit for marriage.

Here are my 2 cents, OP:

Based on your previous threads, I have noticed that you tend to find it difficult to completely and thoroughly move on from such breaches of trust. With that said, I am of the opinion that you should move on from this girl and don’t keep the lines of communication open. In other words, don’t make yourself accessible to her. If you allow her back into your life, you’ll just look at her with suspicion and doubt (watching her like a hawk, seeking validation, etc etc)…and that will put a strain on the relationship. Again, based on previous threads, you have gone through this before…so why put yourself through that again?

We are all different in terms of what we can handle and overlook. Some people can easily move on from lies, some people can easily move on from their SO’s past love life, some people struggle with doing so. You know yourself well. And if deep down you know that you will find it hard to trust her again…then it’s better to let her go…than to become that person who is monitoring her every move and in the process destroying your piece of mind and much more.

[NomiCA]

dump her tooi and move on…