I have a few questions for those ladies on this forum who are actually married. At the age of 23, I realize that I am getting closer to where you all are right now. My parents are sincerely looking for the right match, and I’m doing the same. If all goes as planned, Insha’Allah, I will be married within a year. Since I am most likely going to go through a rishta/arranged marriage process, and don’t know what to expect I have the following questions for you. I hope you can kindly answer.
(1) What was being newly married just like?
(2) How was the transition of falling in love with your spouse?
(3) Were there any fears that you had? How were they resolved?
(4) What do you think is the key to a happy marriage?
(5) Are there are recommendations you would have for a girl like me (when it comes to a spouse search)? If so what would they be?
Please add in anything else you’d like! I have a fear of marriage in many ways. I don’t know what to expect, and neither do I feel it will be easy to get used to the life. So I am in dire need of all sorts of mental preparation.
*Being newly married :
*
one month in - nice enough, busy busy time with dawats and inlaws and new people and just nice times
two months in - u get super used to having a partner around, it really begins growing on u
three months in and onwards - you are really toughing it out because u are learning to adjust and so is he
Falling in love:
Allah speeds up this process. When you believe someone "belongs" to you, you cannot help but love them. It's a magical feeling, but you don't think so much about "am I in love". You take it for granted.
Fears:
No particular fears. You should go in expecting good things to happen (within reason - don't be a mushy gushy daydreamer) and good things inshallah will. When in marriage, you WILL fight. This will make you feel insecure. That's normal. Everyone feels it, everyone thinks this fight might not get resolved and this or that. Try to weather the storms.
**
Key to a happy marriage:**
There is NO room for ego. Chuck that out the window when it comes to your spouse. Be forever ready to apologise and make amends.
Lots and lots of patience. You are learning and so is he.
Perseverance. It pays off, it really does.
**
Recommendations:
**
Trust in Allah. Do an istikhara when you think you have the one. Have faith that Allah will guide you right and you won't go wrong at all.
Don't get disheartened if someone doesn't come upto scratch. They were not meant for you and you weren't meant for them.
Don't let issues of caste and "zaat" get in your way.
Make sure you look at the family and how nice they are.
Wow thanks so much for your reply Demesne! I particularly loved what you had to say about fears. It’s important to come in with positive expectations because if you look at it negatively there will be a self-fulfilling prophesy that happens and your marriage will end up being worse than it could.
I love your recommendations as well. I have gotten over a past rishta-prospect pretty quickly after an initial semi-obsession so to speak. And the reason for that is because I do have full faith that it was not meant to be. We even performed Istikhara, which yes, is very important.
As for falling in love rapidly once you’re married, and how easy it can be for one to take love for granted, I needed to know that. It’s important for couples to make this realization and do their best to re-kindle the love and make sure it’s not being taken for granted. I agree with you about the need for ZERO ego for a happy marriage too, and everything else you had to say.
So much fun You’re the dulhan and get to dress up and look purrdyy all the time :halo: The kids all refer to you as “dulhan” and you don’t need to do any ghar ke kaam (if you’re living with inlaws) and if you’re living alone you eat out at least 3 times a week This was what is was like in my case ..
(2) How was the transition of falling in love with your spouse?
Already happened b4 shaadi.
(3) Were there any fears that you had? How were they resolved?
Yes, cooking!! And just taking care of the household .. I never lifted a finger before shaadi and now I had to learn all these new things.
In beginning each day is a learning experience.
(4) What do you think is the key to a happy marriage?
We never go to bed angry. I think that has really helped both of us. We talk!! As communication is the key to any healthy relationship.
(5) Are there are recommendations you would have for a girl like me (when it comes to a spouse search)? If so what would they be?
Don’t settle for anything but the best. Don’t compromise too much. Remember that this will be the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.
Thank you WendyDarling! I also have a fear that I may not be so great at housework because I've never done it before. I'm just like how you were (never having lifted a finger before shaadi). ha But I suppose you're much better at all that now huh? We learn when we have to.
And yes, it's important not to settle for less. It will create dissatisfaction for both spouses. But this is the reason why the search can be difficult too because you end up having to reject so many along the way. -_- I just wish God sends the perfect match my way without me having to go through the emotionally draining/painful process of learning to like another, all to discover that you two are not meant to be. It can be so disheartening. :(
well i moved to new country after 3 days of my wedding so yeah it was very relaxing soothing, fun, outing, enjoymenet, side by side adjusting to new life, making my home, it was mashahallah good
(2) How was the transition of falling in love with your spouse?
well i cant say how when i fell in love, my dadi used to say when you sign the nikah nama ALLAH puts love in both hearts.
(3) Were there any fears that you had? How were they resolved?
honestly speaking i didnt had any allhumdullah, but i only fear that a girl can have tht how things work in new home, their lifestyle, how will she adjust,i think he huby supports you can learn and adjust , and you should be flexible enough to adjust to environment n just keep in mind not every house is same so yeah you have to adapt to the changes.
(4) What do you think is the key to a happy marriage?
i think trust , support and love is very important, both should trust n support each other, never invove third party in your problems, sharing stuff n discussions are important. its always important to respect each other differences and appreciate the similarites( i always say this :D)
(5) Are there are recommendations you would have for a girl like me (when it comes to a spouse search)? If so what would they be?
have faith in ALLAH, always keep praying to ALLAH, patience n understanding are very important.
It was a great feeling, with great power comes great responsibility and all that, but to be honest I relished the task of being a head of my own house.
(2) How was the transition of falling in love with your spouse?
Easy it was like love at first sight… both of us had a big say in how things worked out in the end and stuck to our guns the whole time.
(3) Were there any fears that you had? How were they resolved?
The only fear I had prior to the marraige was how long it would take, it was not my first marriage and it was something that took a lot out of me mentally.
(4) What do you think is the key to a happy marriage?
Make sure the couple are compatible and like each other, dont feel pressured into it and once married make sure you stick like glue and work to reslove disputes quickly… as a mn you need to take charge but not be dictatorial or too pushy.
(5) Are there are recommendations you would have for a girl like me (when it comes to a spouse search)? If so what would they be?
For a girl I can only wish you the best of luck, there are plenty of good chaps out there and one hopes you find yourself a top bloke.
I would also like to know the answers to these questions being in a similar situation to OP myself :p, except I am already engaged. I am particularly interested in answers to questions 2, 3 and 4 from people who had arranged/non-love marriages - would appreciate the advice along with OP!
You’re the dulhan and get to dress up and look purrdyy all the time :halo: The kids all refer to you as “dulhan” and you don’t need to do any ghar ke kaam (if you’re living with inlaws) and if you’re living alone you eat out at least 3 times a week 
Thank you so much devilish angel and Faris Udeen for your detailed replies!