Ok now a friend of mine finds himself in an awkward situation…
His father left him when he was just 6 weeks old, came back into his and his mums life when he was 5 and left again within 6months…he showed a desire to get to know his son when his son was 15 but his son realised that he didnt have hatred for his dad he just thought his dad was a fool but he felt that he didnt want to stay in touch because he had no emotional attachment to his father cos he never knew him and wasnt interested in getting to know some random old man just cos he gave birth to him…so they hvent seen each other since…
Now thats the backstory…heres the dilemma…
A week ago my friend recieved a facebook message from his first cousin…lol everyone can find you on that thing and informed him that his father was seriously ill and had just had a succesful heart bypass operation and really wants to hear from his son…he left the dads number and everything and now the son doesnt know what to do…
His stance is he doesnt owe his dad anything but out of respect he should atleast check to see if hes ok…the thing with that is that you cant just ring someone and say ‘i wanted to make sure your not dead and since your ok ill chat to you next time your dying’…he has no love for his dad so if his dad passed without him knowing he wouldnt have cared its just now his dad is ill and hes been given an option to contact him…he just doesnt want to feel bad if his dad dies…he thinks if his dads been a dick he doesnt neccesarily have to be one…
What would be the correct course of action…should he check to see if hes ok or just leave things as they are?..
Well i m sorrie for what his dad did 2 him...no matter wat the dad's reason for doing all this the poor kid must have suffered alot. Having said that...i think he shud call and inquire abt him...this wl save him alot of thinking and ever feeling that guilt that he cud have called and inquired abt his well being.
OK i know yr post was not directed 2wards me but i m sorrie i have 2 butt in…i dun understand why u need 2 know if he is the one who is in this situation and not his frnd…if he said his frnd than maybe its really his frnd or he doesnt feel comfortable shring his personal life on net and hence is asking it from a diff context…but why do u guyz get so nosey? i m sorrie but i had 2 get that out of my system…
He’s mentioned his situation before, thats why I asked him directly instead of you…but if its such a huuuuuge problem for you, i’ll edit my post JUST FOR YOU, OK??
for the sake of HUMANITY he shud chek out how hiz dad iz doin
sure his dad never realli cared abt him or came 2 chek up on HIM wen he wz sick but that duznt mean that he shud becum jus az stone hearted az hiz dad
4 gudness sakezzz pplzzzzzzz
aint there any decency left in this wrld
Ok to clarify things i might aswell cos i guess it will become obvious anyway...it is my dad...so Sara no offence taken by your question...
Anyhow PakiPride...it isnt neccesarily indecent of me or stone hearted of me to not check on him when hes sick...its not even that i hate the guy i just dont understand his relevance...as in the only reason i would even consider going is cos its the 'correct' thing to do...i dont have any feelings for him which doesnt in my opinion make me coldhearted...
Maham and Sara...
He might be trying to put things right but its just not important to me to sort things out as such...when i last spoke to him i made a point of the fact that i felt no emotional attachment to him and that he was just an old man to me...im just wondering whether its harsh to not see how he is...i dont mean this in a bad way but he doesnt deserve my concern really...i dont want to feel bad if something does happen cos i dont hate the guy but at the same time i dont want to stay in touch and have to worry about some dying relative when i dont need to...
Anyhow PakiPride...it isnt neccesarily indecent of me or stone hearted of me to not check on him when hes sick...its not even that i hate the guy i just dont understand his relevance...as in the only reason i would even consider going is cos its the 'correct' thing to do...i dont have any feelings for him which doesnt in my opinion make me coldhearted...
o
so hez ur dad
omg am sorry
no offense or anythin
well yea i cud understand y u dun got "the luv" 4 him...afterall he left u n ur mum....n that waz prob hiz biggest mistake in hiz life(1 day hez gnna regret...evrybdy does)
all am sayin is that u shud go c him ...nd if u dun thn ur jus gnna b as cruel as he is.....theres no point in dat
in the end........he iz ur dad...
Even if you do think of him as 'just another dying relative, why not go and visit him just once? Maybe you would do that if infact it was the case of a dying relative wanting to see you.
Ultimately, is really comes down to what you want to do, and what you feel you ought to. that is something you would know best. If there is are no hard feelings on your part, you can always go visit him, the experience may even give you something.
Ok to clarify things i might aswell cos i guess it will become obvious anyway...it is my dad...so Sara no offence taken by your question...
any feelings for him which doesnt in my opinion make me coldhearted...
...
I think u should go n see him or atleast call him ...u dont hafto be as mean as he was ..cuz u might regret not meeting him later on......and other thing is atleast u will fullfill ur obligation do wot u think is rite not just cuz of the badla thingee...u might be proud of wot u did by meeting him later on.......n he will realize it too tht how wrong he did with such a Gr8 son
NBN- No matter what happened, the fact of the matter is that that man is your father. Sure, he wasn't there for you, and you have no feelings for him, but as one fellow human being to another, it would just be a nice gesture for you to go see him. Pretend it's a stranger....but just go. You don't have to do it for his sake, do it for your own peace of mind. Believe me, right now you may think that you don't care what happens to him, but God forbid anything does, you would ultimately feel at least an iota of remorse for the man... later on in life, you'd regret not going to see him. Put yourself in his position... maybe he's realized his mistake now.... maybe having death stare him in the face has made him re-evaluate the decisions he made in life; made him change... it would be a little mean to just leave him hangin', don't ya think? I mean, how sad would it be for him to suffer alone, if he truly has repented ..... You can be the bigger man.... just think of it this way... although he left you, and life was hard for you and your mom, he did you guys a huge favor by leaving instead of sticking around and making your life and family life a complete and total living hell.
It's hard initiating something like this, especially when your heart isn't in it... I met my birthmother 4 months ago... with a heavy heart and lots of anger and resentment toward her... she abandoned us when i was 8 months old... but there's always two sides to a coin... I got to know her side of the story... and although I still think abandoment on her part was a bit selfish, I understand where she was coming from.... and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders... maybe you'll feel the same... you can choose not to have any contact with him afterward if there's no click in that first meeting, but really, there's no harm in trying....
Think it over.... at the end of the day, you would want to sleep easy with a clear conscience and with no regrets in life. This is your time to prove that you are not who your father is... you don't have a stone heart...
hello. sorry about ur sitation...but i would contact the cousin and tell him ur number and tell ur dad to call you and start the conversation....if he really wantd to contact u after this serious situation, he should act like the grown up that he is and contact u first! i mean if ur cousin didnt contact u how would u even know whats goin on.....as far as i know ..."the phone works both ways"
give ur # and wait for the call...it would be good to speak w. him and see what he has to say for himself...i would be curious...but i woundt make the first move. good luk!
I heard someone once say that "a BAD father is better than no father at all" and I think I agree with that. You can never replace your family ever. You get one father, one mother and thats it. Bearing that in mind, I think your friend should follow his heart and if its big enough, go see the father.
Argh not again! lol…i knew this was gonna come…all i know is i dun thnk it was appropriate of u 2 ask him that and i told u that…its not that i have anything against u…i dun even know u so just try 2 think y wud i step in when i dun even know either of u?!? obviously just cuz i didnt like the idea of getting into unnecessary details…i m sorrie if i m 2 sensitive for some people and u may as well dun edit yr post if u dun feel u did wrong…i didnt mean 2 cause u any trouble!
Maham and Sara...
He might be trying to put things right but its just not important to me to sort things out as such...when i last spoke to him i made a point of the fact that i felt no emotional attachment to him and that he was just an old man to me...im just wondering whether its harsh to not see how he is...i dont mean this in a bad way but he doesnt deserve my concern really...i dont want to feel bad if something does happen cos i dont hate the guy but at the same time i dont want to stay in touch and have to worry about some dying relative when i dont need to...
I think i can understand yr state of mind...ofcourse after all that he did 2 u you are not bound 2 feel anything for him as a son wud for a father...but again i wud say call him up and iquire abt him...it wudnt hurt u, wud it now? so y not...cuz what i m afraid is that if sumthin happens 2 him...u mite at one point feel that u shud have called...u know like Mamaof3 said...father is a father....blood relationships r like that...no matter how bad one does 2 u...i think at one point u mite feel somethin for them esp if they die....i dun know if what im saying is rite or wrong but thats what my heart is telling me u shud do.....rest is upon u and no matter what u do...u wl be rite cuz its yr decision and u have every rite 2 make it.
