http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/06/03/my-husband-cheated-sandra-bullock-jesse-james/
Found this article…its about a wife whose husband had an affair after 18 years and instead of divorcing him she took him back… now all our people say that hte only reason a desi woman stays is b/c shes dependent and all that…thats not always true…
She chose to forgive him and worked through the issues and stayed iwth him..
What do you think.
Re: A different look at infidelity
So, they both weren't connecting and having fun (and there was stress from other things like work, kids, moving to a new place, etc.)........and then he meets a woman who was more fun than his wife and had an affair.
I understand that one reason extramarital affairs take place is because emotional needs are not being met. That "fun" woman might have been more "fun" because she has fewer responsibilities than Brian's wife. Maybe the other woman didn't have kids, who knows?
He explained the reasons his reasons for straying AFTER the affair took place.......and his wife listened to him. Sure, she was livid, hurt, humiliated.............but she DID listen. He must have been SCARED to not only admit the affair but to explain his reasons for it.
Wouldn't it have been easier if he he just sat his wife down earlier........before having the affiar.........and told her "Honey look...I'm feeling that our marriage is missing the fun we used to have. And maybe we need to take a break from the kids and make more time for one another. I feel overwhelmed, stuck-in-a-rut...what have you" If she was able to listen to him after he committed such a huge breach of trust........then she could have listened to him before he cheated on her. That communication could have taken place earlier....and may have prevented the cheating.
More power to those who can forgive their partner's infidelity.
that was pretty emotional 
Now thats the thing…what happens is that after having kids the wife gets so much involved in household and kids…that she doesnt get time for herself or her husband…she takes the hubby for granted…thinks that he cannot leaver her as we have common interest i.e. kids…its very important to keep the fun element in marriages alive…to have time for yourself and your husband…have dinners n movie sessions alone sometime…its not always important to take the kids along…have your personal talks…not always about what kid1 did…or how kid2 performed in school…sometimes it becomes important for the wife to take interest in things that his husband likes…even if she doesnt like them herself…like e.g. if he loves cricket n she doesnt…she should try to take interest in the macthes…discuss it with him…he should know that theres someone listening and discussing…this was such a small n pathetic example…i know 
but the point is…have some common interests other than kids 
The hubby was at mistake too ofcourse…if he felt that something was lacking in their marriage…he should have told her how he feels…an affair is NOT AN EXCUSE 
But i must agree…the wife had a big heart that she forgave him…its never easier to tolerate the trust betrayal…
Re: A different look at infidelity
The more we make excuses for staying with these kinds of men, the more men will cheat because they know they can get away with it.
The guys who don't cheat, often if given the chance, avoid it simply because they know they're going to get their assets taken away from them and their arse handed to them in court.
Re: A different look at infidelity
it's never acceptable. divorce the person and then do whatever.
Re: A different look at infidelity
and silly me...here I thought men don't cheat because they love their wives. :o
Re: A different look at infidelity
Being dependent upon the husband is not the only reason a woman might stay in a marriage. She could stay because of her kids...or because she still loves him.
I think there are few women who would still "desire" to stay married to a cheating husband.
And probably even FEWER men who'd be so benevolent.
Re: A different look at infidelity
It's an issue of forgiveness. If the people in the relationship have the capacity to forgive, repent and trust again - maybe the relationship can survive a trauma like this. But, like the author says - there must be an abiding love on both sides that is capable of forgiveness, repentence and trust.
Re: A different look at infidelity
well she 38 with kids..ab kidar jaigi?..nd she been since with him since she was 20 years old..come on..emotional dependence bhi to heh na..n even if she does leave him shes gonna b worse off..i would forgive him too if i were her..its not easy letting someone go u care about no matter what probs
they do love their wives…its just that they have the ability to love more than one woman simultaneously
Re: A different look at infidelity
That's exactly it, soni. Emotional dependence. If a woman still loves a man who went off with another woman, betraying her trust, behind her back, lying to her while he was doing it, setting a bad example for her kids, betraying the trust of his children, then there's not much we can do, can we?
Wow! This is pretty pathetic. Let's sum it up.
The woman was taking seminars in order to improve their relationship prior to realizing that the relationship had problems, the man was not. The woman was managing the house, and children, the man was not. The only responsibilty this man probably took was providing an income (which was not stated in the article, I'm just assuming), and he was managing to get tail on the side,. Boy im already feeling sorry for this man! rolling eyes
She stated that he had done a lot for her in the past, but she didn't state what those things were? Gee I wonder why...
So basically the man feels that his relationship is boring. What has his wife ever done for him? I mean she only brought three of his kids into the world, is raising them, managing chores, and putting up with a cheating husband. This man was going through a terrible terrible time. Let's recap the incidents that made up his boring life.
He had started a new career- Last time I checked this was a good thing, unless he is one of those lazy bums who wants to sit at home and get drunk everyday.
He moved to a new area- Ok so did the rest of his family. It's not the end of the world.
His kids are going through their terrible teens- Has anyone else ever stopped to think why American children go through so much trouble during their teens VS Pakistani children. Maybe because they are raised by a socially retarted ungrateful cheater and a doormat. The apple never falls far from the tree, after all it's simply not possible. Than history repeats itself. The boys will probably cheat and convince themselves, he got away with it why cant I? The girls will grow up with hatred in their hearts towards the entire male race.
His dad passed away- A death should never be mentioned in the subject of cheating. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with cheating. Don't blame your loss for your inability to keep it in your pants.
He didn't have any male friends- Obviously not, who wants to be friends with a socially retarted cheater who complains because he has a new job, teenage kids, has moved to a new neighborhood, and cheats on his wife every time someone passes away.
So instead of discussing his feelings with his wife, and working out their issues. He put his ***** inside another woman. After doing that, he told his wife he chooses to stay with the other woman.
One day he magically realizes that he really does love his wife. So he chooses to leave this other woman and go back to his wife?
Sorry, Im not buying it. I suspect the other woman grew a brain and left him. After all we have many examples that prove history repeats himself. She probably realized that she will feel bad when she gets older and he cheats on her. So he came back home to his second choice.
It's one thing to have a man cheat, realize he made a mistake, truly repent, get on his hands and knees, and beg for forgiveness. It's another thing when the man cheats, chooses the other woman, comes back home, and shows no sign of
repentance. I mean he cheated, she didnt. Yet she had to work with him in order to repair her marriage. He didn't even attempt to prove how much he loved her, and what changes he was willing to make.
I'm sure he had more fun with an 18 year old that was fresh out of High School, young, beautiful, and had no responsibility. But who in their right mind would say that to his wife after cheating on her. Im sure she would have more fun with an 18 year old, that was fresh out of high school, and had no responsibility. After all 18 goes into 38 more times than 38 goes into 18. I guarantee if his wife had made the same mistake he would have left her, because there is no way he can compare with a young, fresh, energetic 18 year old. His ego would have been permanently scarred.
He probably wasn't fit enough to keep his wife satisfied in bed, so he needed to remind himself how great he was by messing with an inexperienced young 18 year old that really didn't know any better.
If your husband cheats on you and you decide to stay. That is great! I will only hope for the best. But if he cheats on you and leaves you for the other woman, please dont take him back after the other woman leaves him, especially if he fails to apologize when attempting to work things out with you.
This goes both ways, my opinion applies to men that get cheated.
Being dependent upon the husband is not the only reason a woman might stay in a marriage. She could stay because of her kids...or because she still loves him.
I think there are few women who would still "desire" to stay married to a cheating husband.
And probably even FEWER men who'd be so benevolent.
I completely agree!
Re: A different look at infidelity
takes a lot of guts to continue in the marriage.