Re: A couple without a child...
If there's a chance in her mind that she won't love the adopted child as much as her own it might be better of not adopting at all. And she should be honest about this.
Basically what Gaia said. And keep families away. Some issues should be between husband and wife without the whole pind getting involved
Re: A couple without a child...
Thats so sad.
Re: A couple without a child...
A couple we know has been married for several years and has been trying to have a baby. Unfortunately, it seems that they are unable to for medical reasons, and this is causing major issues in the family.
The boy's family is recommending he divorce her and remarry. The guy loves his wife but wants a child. Adoption is not an option for them, neither is surrogacy.
This is causing relationship problems between the couple.
What would be the right thing to do?
If it is possible the couple's siblings can give their child for adoption. I have seen two such cases in my life. One was with my teacher her sister got pregnant just to give her child to her and she gave the baby boy away right after he was born. Another one is a family friend the wife's brother had a baby just to give to his sister for adoption and the baby girl was given away right after the birth. I knew someone whose sister was given away for adoption to her phupo but in this situation the phupo was childless and the biological parents had 4th girl and they were very much okay in giving away a baby girl.
Personally I can never do so much for anyone meaning I can never give away my child but some people do that and this way the adopted child is also blood related to the couple who are adopting.
Otherwise I believe that a baby comes from naseeb changing wife won't do anything agar Allah nay aulaad deni hai to woh kisi bhi auraat sey deysakta hai.
Re: A couple without a child...
As Gaia has said, they need to talk it out, weigh their priorities, take a break and get away, keep the in-laws at a distance, and discuss pros/cons and compromises.
Re: A couple without a child...
what does doctors say about it?
Re: A couple without a child...
If I were in his shoes - I wouldnt divorce my wife , at any cost ...
damn man how come you love some one and then do this to them !
Re: A couple without a child...
Well the doctors say that they've gone through all fertility treatments [in the US and back in India]. At this point there's no further treatments.
The thing is that she knows of a few cases where couples have had babies even after being told they cannot so she would like to believe that there is such a possibility in her life as well.
Re: A couple without a child...
did the doctor told them if there is problem with the wife or husband?
Re: A couple without a child...
It's with the woman.
Re: A couple without a child...
***I think the problem here is that there is a very psychologically stressed out couple who have been told they cannot conceive and instead of the extended family being supportive they are further aggravating their dilemma by suggesting even worse solutions .
What the couple need to do is :
Get the hell away from ALL the family and take a vacation for a month at least .
To come together and talk about their situation one on one without having relatives around and resolving what their priorities are.
As for her conceiving inspite of failed treatments , YES there is ALWAYS a chance of spontaneous conception and I've seen couples conceiving after 18-21 years of infertility spontaneously .....so I would Never tell them to lose hope .
Right now what they need is not a solution to having children but to De-STRESS away from the family.***
Re: A couple without a child...
I guess that's what it is...the stress that is taking a toll on their emotional health. I and many others have told them to go somewhere but I don't know why their family is so invloved. Maybe someone should talk to the guy's dad/mom.
Re: A couple without a child...
***Nikki , I think its a lil careless on whoever their doctor is to not deal with this aspect of their problem considering the logistics of desi couples and extended family.
I normally make sure I advise the couple what to do after giving them such news....and probably the doctor might also have , but this couple really needs someone outside the family to sit them down and help them talk through their feelings of helplessness and despair. Its vital at this point in their relationship where there are going to be feelings of despair , blame and even self loathing.........things like why me , why us etc........
Either they see a counsellor or a friend intervenes and makes them snap out of it before it ruins their relationship further.
Re: A couple without a child...
This couple did not tell anyone in their friends circle about this problem until recently when all hell broke loose with their family, the girl became withdrawn and the husband was having trouble making excuses for all their social absences.
Some close friends tried to step in but the family is so deeply invloved in this that we really don't know how to help.
I guess at the end of the day, it's up to the couple to take charge.
Re: A couple without a child...
She's heard of stories where couples have conceived after being told they cannot so she wants to hold on to that hope.
Well the doctors say that they've gone through all fertility treatments [in the US and back in India]. At this point there's no further treatments.
The thing is that she knows of a few cases where couples have had babies even after being told they cannot so she would like to believe that there is such a possibility in her life as well.
Those couples have kids ten to fifteen years into their marriage............is she prepared for that?
Re: A couple without a child...
The thing is that she knows of a few cases where couples have had babies even after being told they cannot so she would like to believe that there is such a possibility in her life as well.
sometimes this happens and sometimes it does not. Adoption can be done even when you have children of your own. I think she can opt for adoption if by the will of Allah she gets a biological baby too then I think that would be great because then she will have 2 children of her own. I don't think she should wait for pregnancy to happen.
The above is just my point of view and for me it's easier said than done because I am not in her shoes. But this is what I believe is the best option she has if she wants to have baby and save her marriage.
Re: A couple without a child...
its simple....
if the guy himself wants kids then
1.wife agrees to adoption or
2.Divorce
OR
if he is not desperate
1.Kick the family out of his situation and Keep the marriage and be without a baby.
Re: A couple without a child...
I think it is wrong to sever an existing bond for a hypothetical one.
Re: A couple without a child...
I really feel for this couple. One day i would like children. It would be awful not to have children.
I think this is a hard situation. For now they should not make any decisions. If they do it will be a hasty decision. They both need to logically think through the situation for themselves.
the options are:
Do nothing- be together as they were with the hope that they may have a child one day as a miracle. Leave it up o God. As she said if God doesnt want them to have a child then so be it!
Adopt- the wife will not be the biological mother but they will have a child- someone they can take care of. After all isn't the hardest part actually raising the child rather than having the child. And also the inlaws can just get out of the equation...nothing to do with them at all!
surrogacy? this depends on whos egg? as in she wont be the bio mother but the child will be biologically 'half' the couples?
re-marry- The husband could marry someone else. Then you have to think how long will it take to find a suitable partner. Also, you cannot just turn feelings of for someone he loves...this is the least viable option!
It seems to be that everyone in the scenario will not get what they want. Someone will have to 'give in' !
Good luck to them both
Re: A couple without a child...
what if he has issues and even if he remarries no baby...then what? Keep remarrying? Seriously....
Re: A couple without a child...
He should work and change her opinion about adoption. What is so wrong about adoption, I mean given the circumstances it's a blessing! What arguments does she have against it?