salam,
Ok, I will tell you the story from the beginning. My friend got married to someone from another sect. Before she got married she agreed that she would convert for the guy i.e from sunni to shia or from shia to sunni, (I am not going to tell you which one)…Anyway, at the time she didnt really think about the consequences and she said she would because she loved the guy alot…Now she has been married a few years and has been doing her research as to whether the sect her husband follows is the true path. She finds that their are some right aspects to his sect but also to the sect she was before she got married. However, she finds that their is more evidence that her sect is right as she has been praying to allah to ask for guidance. Now, her husband doesnt know what she is feeling and she also has one child. The father would want the kid to follow his sect and likewise the mother.
The question here is that can she keep her religious beliefs to herself and not tell her husband because if she does then it will create problems for the marriage. I mean, does islam say that you should tell your husband or inlaws or husbands family if you have your own beliefs?? as they think that she is the same as them .She has accepted the fact that when her child grows up they will decide for themselves what they believe in as it is every muslims duty to.
She is very upset and doesnt know who to ask. Please reply
Walaikum Assalam sister,
She doesn't need to announce it to her relatives. If she feels like sharing it with her husband, she may only say that though she has been trying her best to learn the sect, she still has few doubts and is not fully convinced. Or in other words, her search for the ultimate truth has not ended yet. She should be sensitive to the way of thinking and feelings of her husband and take each and every step with "Hikmah" (Wisdom), because a minor error in selection of words might cause a disaster because people at times might be too emotional when it comes to religious beliefs of their coming generations. Your husband knows that you are the first source of learning for his child.
She should not worry about the rest of the family as their role is very limited in the life of the coming child. She should convince her husband, that they would refrain from teaching the child anything that causes him to become very strict in his beliefs. Their focus would be to teach the child the basics of Islam instead of sentiments that might lead to his hatred towards other sects of Islam, or a feeling that his sect is better then other sects.
She may give examples, that a lot of children were easily brainwashed by different agencies in schools and colleges because their basics were not strong, and they were more into minor things that causes differences between sects. Just like she changed her sect on her own will, her child should also be brought up in such a way that he may select whichever sect he wishes and no one in the family should object to it.
The most important step she has to take is to remove the negative thoughts in her husband's mind regarding her previous sect, through frequent friendly discussions BUT through wisdom. It is a slow process and inshaAllah a time would come when he would look more at the common aspects of both the sects instead of their differences and it would be easy for him to accept the fact even if their child wants to shift to her sect.
She should not become depressed in such a situation. She should be thankful as she is lucky that Allah (s.w.t) chose her to become a source of bringing two sects together in one family so that their is more understanding and love between them instead of hatred and differences. She should consistently seek guidance from Allah (s.w.t) not only for herself but also for her child and her husband as nothing is possible without the wisdom and strength that Allah (s.w.t) bless us with.
May Allah (s.w.t) bless her with wisdom and strength to be able to make the right decision in life and may Allah reward her for her efforts in this noble cause.
Re: A CONFUSED FRIEND
Salam Alaek
I dont know how they have LOVE for eachother or CONFIDENCE when they are not even tollerating and respecting eachothers religion. i think they should first give respec to eachother sect and then leave it on childrens to adopt according to thier liking.
Thanks
Re: A CONFUSED FRIEND
As per my experience I have seen only one family where the husband kept his child on Sunni Madhab the rest 99% they all turn out otherway.