Re: A confused bride to be..
You need courage to get married and to handle all the responsibilities that come with a marriage. This guy doesn’t have that. He seems like a coward to me. He’s being unfaithful to his fiance and is not only leading her on…but her family as well. He does not have the balls to be honest with his fiance and break things off. For him to say that he’d like to marry you in secret without telling his family…indicates that he doesn’t have the courage to face them either. Such clandestine actions would not only hurt his family, his fiance and her family, they can also hurt your friend’s reputation and that of her family. He seems to be thinking only of himself and the cowardice is reflective of immaturity/weakness…and that said I don’t he’s ready to get married to ANY girl.
If your friend wanted so badly to marry this guy…then she should have been more proactive in making that happen rather than resigning herself so quickly to a rishta from the US. If she gave in so quicly…perhaps that means that she didn’t “love” him as much as she thought she did.
If the exboyfriend was that crazy about her…he too should have made more of an effort to get married to her. And if he knew from before hand that his parents wanted him to marry his cousin (and often times parents drop hints about such things)…and if he knew he couldn’t reject his cousin…then he shouldn’t have started an affair with your friend.
If physical attraction was an important quality for her…then she should have gone for a rishta that better met her needs. What I don’t understand is that if she doesn’t like her fiance’s looks…then why did she remain engaged to him this whole time? It seems like his “looks” didn’t bother her so much…UNTIL…her exboyfriend entered her life again. Also, it’s not fair to her fiance that she’s talking to her ex behind his back.
***So basically the exboyfriend has the “hot looks” but not much substance to his character (he’s a coward, he seems selfish, immature, seems to treat marriage like a Bollywood movie, etc)…but your friend’s current fiance has average looks (that didn’t bother her until the EX came back) and who might (it hasn’t been mentioned by the poster) have a better personalty/stronger character than the ex. She needs to figure out what she wants.
Your friend shouldn’t get married to her ex…she needs to move on from him. If she feels that she can’t be a good wife to her fiance…she should end the rishta. But even so…I still wouldn’t get back with the ex. Also, your friend’s indecisivenss makes one wonder if she herself is ready for marriage and if she’s getting married for the right reasons.