A confused and split personality

Lifestyle Relationships
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right here we go i’m an pakistani bloke 33,brought up in england consider myself british,the trouble… i’m now being pressured in to a marriage from you know where, i live at home with just my elderlly mother for whom i’d do anything BUT the thought of going to pakistan is chokeing me,dont really know what to do,i agree that marriage should now be considered but to a women with no western know how i find hard to fathom,and in the same breath turn mother down only ever dated 1 asian girl which i lost through my own childish ways even though i was only 18[never really forgave myself for loseing her and do still at this age miss her though she is now married and HAPPY]so never dated another,had english girlfriends which have worked great as i personally dont think there is any harm in mixing,i consider it evolving meeting someone differant race colour learn new things,but but but this is now doing my head in i’ve booked to go by the end of march thinking that i must give it a chance as this maybe the path i have to travell and for my ma’s sakeb whom i trully adore but this is divideing us:(

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Re: A confused and split personality

Bhai, dont worry. Abhi GS ki bajis will fix you up with someone in no time.

I need a hug
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Re: A confused and split personality

Oh forgot to ask, you are a bhai? right?

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Re: A confused and split personality

man thats one long sentance.

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Re: A confused and split personality

Girls in Pakistan aren't backwards ... in some places, they can be more western than girls living in the west. You should give it a chance. Just because you are going to Pakistan doesn't mean that you will be forced into a marriage. Get a feel of what the girls there are like before making any final decisions.

Also, can't you ask your ammi to find you a 'nice' girl in the UK?

You also need to let go of your first love. Learn from it and move on ... it's been over ten years and like you have said, she's moved on and is happily married ... time for you to learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.

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Re: A confused and split personality

Moona baji, it has been more like 15 years.

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Re: A confused and split personality

^ i agree with mehnaz, u'd be surprised how westernized some of the areas are. who knows u might find ur soul mate there. keep an open mind, u can always come back to UK if things dont work out for u. :-)

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Re: A confused and split personality

i feel you man, i never dated a desi girl:( . Get married while you still can. Ma ka kehna mano.
But what is your real nick because nobody writes its personal problem in their first post.

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9

Re: A confused and split personality

Your motives for getting married are absolutely wrong? You are sounding 23 not 33? Why don’t you give an English girl a chance. After all you have been dating them and it worked out great. What makes you think you will be compatible with a desi girl?

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Re: A confused and split personality

^ I don’t think he wants a desi - its his mommy that wants a desi. So typical.

Bring her home a nice pretty white chic, if that’s what you fancy. :k:

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Re: A confused and split personality

^ I know..that's why I questioned his motives.

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12

Re: A confused and split personality

i agree…pray Isthikharah make lots of dua and InshAllah you will come to a good decision!

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13

Re: A confused and split personality

F4bir, Ive heard that story before............do i know you?

Just want to say that, go there with an open mind. Get out and meet people see how they live and what their lifestyles are.

If you think about the Pakistani girls that post on this forum you'll find that you wont find them alien and backward and illiterate.

I dont know about what presumtions you have about pakistani girls, I can tell you that I thought that were the above until I met them.

You will find that there are "modern think/living " girls out there that you maybe compatible with so who knows.

You cannot go out to Paks as a last resort to get married just because your ma is getting old. YOu will be desperately unhappy (thousand times more than now)if you make a decision to marry someone you are not compatible with just to please you mother.

But I'll say again , go with an open mind and if you can try meet people from all over the social classes.

Being male I think I'tll be easier for for you to meet friends of cousins and then the friend's friends and sooner or later some of of them will want to off load their sis...........:)

you never know.

Good Luck

And anyway if you dont come back with someone to cook and clean for you , there are plenty of girls inthe UK. .........:)

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Re: A confused and split personality

Develop a spine.

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Re: A confused and split personality

^
thas the best advice so far :D

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Re: A confused and split personality

What kind of girl is your mother trying to get you married to in Pak? An urban girl who'd fit in well with your urbanised lifestyle in the UK, or some chick from a pind who's mouth will drop at the idea of electric lighting?

In the former case, perhaps think about it, the urban girl from pakistan may not be as dissimilar from yourself as you think.
In the latter case, develop a spine, don't make some simple pind girl's life a misery by yanking her into a totally different environment just for your mother's sake.

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Re: A confused and split personality

Man whats the point of you getting married any how, u r in ur 30's even if u get married and say u have kids before they grow up probably ull be dead or to old, u wont be able to have ne control over them and ur old age will be full of problems as ur own family and kids wont bother listening to u, u will become a liability on them and die of depression that is if u manage to stay alive.

On the other hand u will probabbly die of a heart attack like most desies and leave behind kids with no support or father figure so they will be in proper s**t. Man i cant understand what makes u think u can chose a girl at ur age aint u taking the liberties?????????

I think the woman u will be getting married to should be the one worrying abt her future as urs is bleak, meri baat manou uncle jistrah pehalaye zindigi guzari hai baqi bhee guzaar lou kiyon kisi ki zindigi barbaad kartaye hou!!!!

lol

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Re: A confused and split personality

jez you come here to be mean for once and find all the attentions been grabbed by other greedy folks who can do it any day of the year.

:mad:

k4bir.. if you were able to date non desi girls then your attachment to the desi one is irrelevant because the non desi girls arent sub human. get married wherever you want, you’re 33 and either comply with your ammi’s wishes or make her understand your concerns with pakistani khwatin. either way you’re running short of time as far as how enjoyable married life can be so stop mulling and get onto actually living.

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Re: A confused and split personality

Whats all this nonsense regarding age

K4bir , dont listen to these little 'uns......... 33 aint old!

just think , if you do have kids in the next year or so they'll be at uni and you'll only just be just a few years over 50.

You can pass on pearls of wisdom based on your experience.

Question for the youngsters here, how old are your parents?

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Re: A confused and split personality

Whats all this nonsense regarding age:(

K4bir , dont listen to these little 'uns… 33 aint old!

just think , if you do have kids in the next year or so they’ll be at uni and you’ll only just be just a few years over 50.:eek:

You can pass on pearls of wisdom based on your experience.

Question for the youngsters here, how old are your parents?

Anyway there is nothing wrong with having old and decrepid parents, just think of all the things you can get away with!